Cleaning out and and going back...

So I had a bit of a "Christmas Vacation"moment today.  I went upstairs to do some cleaning, some long long needed weeding out of things that are no longer needed.  And part of the cleaning involved boxes in the upstairs closet.

Of course, I did not have on the turban! 

Because Ella was here this past weekend, I was thinking about the toys that used to litter the floor in years gone by and started looking for them. I found some over the weekend, but today I found more.  And along with the clothes and the stuffed animals came a whole lot of memories.

I know that a lot of them were stirred by Christmas and Ella and the potential little ones that are and will be coming.  The laughs, the smiles, the exasperation and irritation all comes as part of the job of being a parent.  And it all becomes part of your story, your family tale.

So I washed up some blankets and other things that my mom and my Grandma made and cleaned up some toys that have been in storage for many years and I will be ready for lil visitors and be able to give things for little ones to be!

I guess if I already had my allotted amount of family time for the season already, I will choose to indulge in some family time from the past.  Each thing that I saw today, discovered while Ella Bella was here, each item that was cleaned up from lack of use, made me think of those boys.  That baby fine hair, those little hands and feet-- the squealing voices, the toothless grins.  Everything has a memory attached and those memories flowed today.

I did not keep a lot, but it was just enough.  To make a joy giver happy when her babies have grown up and moved away.  It was enough for today.

Don't let anyone steal your joy- life is too short

Smile, Relax, Enjoy, Cherish, Remember

And this is why it's stuck in my head

Lol so I finally turn on the Christmas music and this was just starting!  

Baby it's cold, ah but it's cold,  outside!!! 

Baby it's cold outside... and a moment from the past

I am having a great time listening to Christmas music this year, much of it, as previously discussed, inside my head.  The song Baby It's Cold Outside seems to be my favorite right now.  I'm going to be piddling in the house a lot today, so I will have some nice Holiday music on whilst the piddling occurs. Maybe I'll have a new song tomorrow morning.

Since we have had our Christmas, I am not sure what I will do tomorrow.  I might have one more little gift for Mikey, since he will be over to the house for dinner at some point.  I also have some other things to send, but I will prep those for the day AFTER Christmas, because at this point it doesnt really matter, you know?

I got a little Christmas card in the mail yesterday from a person I haven't heard from in a few years.  Her name is Janet Johnson, but she was married, so she has another last name, of course.  There wasn't any letter or anything other than the wishing of a Merry Christmas.

A card from Janet always makes me smile.  I met Janet when I was in 5th grade.  My Grandma and Grandpa Oberley were foster parents to many children after their own children grew up and left home.  I imagine they were about my age when they began doing that, maybe even younger.... I am sure I could do the math and figure it out but, you know....... math.......  no.

Anyway, Janet is my age and she was one of the Native American children that they fostered.  Grandma and Grandpa lived in Walker, MN in the northern part of the state and was a place that we vacationed in every summer.  It was an AWESOME way to spend 2 weeks in the summer.  They lived across the street from Lake May and the beach was just a 100 feet down the road, and their dock was across the road.  It was a utopia for us four farm land kids from southern WI. We were in the lake like little fishes 3 times a day, unless they dragged us away to go visit some relative (God forbid we had to go to North Dakota a couple times) or some park somewhere.  REALLY, all we wanted to do was stay in the lake and get sunburned and go fishing.  But I digress.....

Janet had a sister and brother as well and they lived in my Grandparents home. Grandma and Grandpa had a few families of children over the years, and this bunch were awesome kiddos. They had a tough upbringing, obviously, and Janet and I got along famously.  She was/is so beautiful with her dark hair and olive toned skin. And had the kindest heart.  We began writing to each other after I went home and it has continued until this day!  We almost lost touch a few times, but through a few events have managed to keep track of each other.  The main thing these days is of course I haven't moved since 1982.  That helps people out if there is someone who is relatively stable in their living accommodations.  Janet was adopted after a while and they moved to an even farther north town.

Janet lived in a few places, mostly in Minnesota, but when she got married she moved to Alaska. They lived in Juneau for a long time, and she had her two boys while there.  Things didn't work out so well apparently with her husband and there is a lot of tragedy and sorrow that I don't think is my business to share.  But I am always amazed when I get a card from Janet.  It brings me back to my childhood, to my Grandparents house and to a carefree time of the  year, where we were allowed to come and go as we please, as long as we told where we were going and we were back by meal times and we waited an hour after eating before swimming.  Oh the ways they tortured us.

Janet came to visit me in Janesville when I was at home for Christmas from college I believe.  Or maybe it was when I was in HS.  I can't remember that clearly- but I do know that I had NO IDEA she was coming.  She came in on the greyhound bus and called from the bus station. I thought this was incredibly brave and a little crazy.  She appeared in my life unannounced and I had a nice time with her.  I do not recall what we did, I don't remember what my mom said, or too much about it.  I remember driving to the bus station in Janesville, which was a place I had never been. I never in my life could imagine just hopping on a bus - going at least 500 miles and hoping for the best. I really did admire her gumption.

I will absolutely be sending her a Christmas card today, and it won't make it to Alaska for a while (yes, she still lives there) and I will tell her my email address and maybe she has facebook. That would be grand!  I have a suspicion that she does not, though.  I think she lives a very simple life.  Which is not a bad thing at all.

I will always remember her as her 10 year old self, the girl that I went to a Pow Wow with in Walker, and walked around town, and went swimming with and hung out in her bedroom and talked and laughed and spent time with one summer.  And those little connections come back to say hello every so often.  And they can many relived moments of joy!

I will post a pic of Janet when I find one later today.  So if you are interested, watch for an edit/update.  I am pretty sure I have one.  I really should go through and edit this whole thing, as rereading it I notice that my stream of consciousness today is quite random and not linear at all in a way that would make this somewhat more enjoyable to read.  Oh well.

Until next time, send some joy.  Christmas cards might not be as popular anymore, but they are worth the time and effort in ways you might not realize.

Oh the Weather outside is frightful....

And the fire is so delightful.....

I love Christmas music, but man can they do a number on me.  There are a few of them that always make me cry.  Plus there are the ones that instantly shoot me to a specific place and time, and there are others that just need to be sung along with!  I played all sorts of Christmas music over my projector system at school (thank you Pandora) which was met with a lot of yays this week and I suspect a lot of eye rolls, too.  It was nice and festive and it actually soothes the savage HS beasties.  The elementary school is quite the other story. NOTHING soothes those kids..... NOTHING!!  They are pretty darn cute tho, those noisy little demons.

I feel like a gigantic weight has been lifted from my shoulders.  School is on a 12 day hiatus and all my kids have arrived in spite of some dicey weather.  I have to go to the grocery store (again) but really I am pretty much ready for "Christmas".  Our Christmas will be today!  And what a wonderful thing that should be.  Now, I have to say that this will make me feel really funny on Christmas Day when no one is here, but I shall survive and go snow shoeing or something.  This just needs to be done.

The Mad oldest son and family arrived at 12:15 last night after a somewhat stressful drive on marginally slick roads most of the way.  It was discussed to wait until this morning to come, but they pressed on.  The roads, once you get off the freeway system, (which is a long way from here, let me tell you) are indeed only driveable at 45 mph.  We have had some wicked winter weather.  A compilation of wicked, not one nasty storm.  And seriously, like I mentioned on my facebook page, Santa, we are not joking. We would LOVE to be able to drive the speed limit at some point before May.  This is beginning to be scarily unlikely!!  Oh well.  Anywho, My bella Ella is here, along with all those doggies and boysies and their girlsies and it is fab-you-lus.

We even had an elusive Michael visit last night, for dinner, which is always nice.  The mad-middle son and Sarah Jane had dinner ready (well almost ready) for me last night when I got home.  EARLY!  Because we were allowed to duck out of work a bit early (YAY) and I got me to the store to pick up a couple things (including a lil gift for the baby bean) and they had even fed the horse!  Already that was a Merry Christmas!  So while we were waiting for the last of the visitors, we played a hot game or three of cribbage.  In partners.  And guess who I was partnered with- and I didn't even have to yell at him all that much for doing a bone head thing- well only once when he pointed a possible run of 4 out during the play.  Geez. He just doesn't understand sometimes that this cribbage game is serious stuff.  One just does not instruct one's daughterinlaw how to get an extra 4 pegs during game play!!  Lol!  Now if we were playing Monopoly the MA would be all business and would own the entire board before I could come back from getting a bag of giant cashews to be snacking on!!

 I totally was channeling my dad during those games.  He was the one who taught me to play cribbage when I was about 10 years old.  He wanted to teach us a game where at least you learn something.  Like your math facts- I can spot a combination of cards to add up to 15 like nobody's business!  :)  Anyway, even though I haven't played for a long time, I find these things are  embedded in my brain and the fact that a double run of 4 is worth 10 points come spilling out of my mouth before I know where it came from.  It was such a nice way to think of my Dad.  He loved Christmas, when he wasn't depressed, loved Christmas lights, and the tree and when we got older he bought a TON of presents for my mom.  I usually ended up wrapping them for him.  My dad ALWAYS put the lights on the tree.  Well, maybe not always, but I remember him doing it a lot.  The first year he started buying presents in earnest for my mom, he took my sister and me with him to the Beloit mall.  We went to whatever the anchor store was- Weise's I think, and he bought her a bunch of clothes and perfume and jewelry and such.  THEN he took us to Walgreens and we had an actual old fashioned chocolate soda.  My sister might have had strawberry, I don't remember exactly.  It was not a Shake or malted but a soda- with the ice cream and a carbonated soda.  We made up a song for it, I wish I could sing it to you.  "I like the ice-cream, the whipped cream, the sooooooda, but I don't like the foam!"  Rosebud I know you are reading this, I know you remember that- right? My dad in a mall, plus buying stuff, plus going to Walgreens- so unusual, you have no idea.  VERY memorable.  Anyway, that was part of my journey last night.

Although I am still slightly worried that someone didn't get an equal amount of presents, I am ready for this event.  I definitely have come to the conclusion that it is the things that surround the presents that are far more important that the actual gifts.  The traditions that can occur on the 25th or on the 21st and the family, the friends and the feeling that surrounds you are far more important.  So I will let that whole equality thing go.  We were as children treated very "equal".  The girls and the boys all did all the chores.  The outside stuff was not for the boys and the inside stuff was not for the girls. We all took turns with the dishes, with the cleaning, and all participated in the yard work and the garden.  And they were pretty strict about trying to give everyone equal amounts of gifts.  I bet there was some addition going on and everything. (my little secret: I never add the money I spend up.  I just don't want to know.  But I am pretty sure it is equitable, but that is where the worry will come in).   I unfortunately have some left over hangups with gifts that still haunt me.  Childhood can unintentionally screw with your mind.  But it is good to recognize these things and move on with it.  And I will have you know, my boys can cook and clean and do laundry and garden and such like champs, too.  They weren't always happy to be forced to do it, but I think that they are glad they have that knowledge to be put to good use now!

I MUST get outside for a walk today. MUST. I can feel a few pounds on my tummy.  I do not like it. While I am no longer obsessing about what my weight is, I can tell from my littlest jeans that the lack of consistent walking has taken its toll and I will be very active the next 12 days.  But not so active that I miss much that goes on when the kids are here!

So as my brain sings Baby, It's cold outside to me, I am going to get going here.  I am looking forward to the day's events and am wishing you all a very Happy Saturday.  And if you are celebrating today, then Merry Christmas!  Be sure to find some joy and peace in the people that love you now and maybe some great memories of Christmases gone by.  Sending you all virtual hugs and internet smooches!

Life these days aka: my wish for you and me

I have not been writing much lately, and I was not sure why.  And I am still somewhat unclear about it.  But part of the reason is I do not want to blah blah blah about being stressed out over Christmas- again.  I just reviewed my December posts from last year, and I do recognize a pattern of feelings.  Like- overwhelmed, sad, feeling inadequate, etc.  It was quite enlightening to read, actually.

I saw someone in the grocery store the yesterday who demanded to know WHY I hadn't been sending pictures to Channel 9!!  I had to laugh, because if I go for a couple weeks without sending pix in, I do get these questions. I was actually just going to say that no one ever asks me why I haven't blogged lately, but oddly I had someone ask me THAT yesterday, as well.

So why?  Well to start, I recently tried to download a boat load of pictures (that I save in RAW format, which are HUGE files) and it told me that I didn't have enough disk space.  OH CRAP.  NOW what.  I had a techy friend tell me to get a separate external hard drive and one of the Mad-sons is going to help me figure out how to save my entire file of photos there.  this makes me a little nervous, but I do have my whole computer backed up on one, so I should be fine.  Obviously (to me at least) this has bummed me out a bit.  And when I am bummed out, I tend to shut down.  So I haven't touched my pictures really since the Madrigal dinner- which was the group of photos I was trying to download.  Please don't make fun of me for this- I'm really good figuring some stuff out on the computer, but hardware type of things throw me.  I really want to thrust the whole mess at someone and say, here do this.  Oh and btw, while you are at it, upgrade me to the latest versions of everything since lately my internet has been pretty doggy and I haven't upgraded my phone to IOS 7 either.  ugh.

There is one thing!

Why haven't I blogged lately?  Well, there is always like a badillion and one things going on in the land of the Mad-Art teacher.  And between weekly school meetings (booooooooo-unnecessary and tedious and could/should be taken care of in more expedient manners), the gym, really WINTERY weather, lists and lists of things to do......  and a super short time between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I have been coming home and collapsing on the couch. Yes, this is denial and avoidance, don't judge me. :P

I'm also going through some big alterations in the way I am living my eating life (good lord, why should I even have an eating life?? This will be a subject of discussion soon) and dealing with major carpal tunnel problems (typing makes my hands numb) and various other things- so I haven't wanted to necessarily discuss it.  But I will!

I recently attended a conference in Minneapolis on Technology for Educators and it was way awesome.  and I want to blog about that and the fantastic ethnic food that we had!  I think I have pix of most of the food and I do remember the name of all the different places that we went!  It was AWESOME!! But again, I have a mental block with the whole pictures thing....

Anyway, that is an update for now.  The Mad second son and his lovely Sarah will be arriving with the doggies tonight and The Mad oldest son will be arriving with his lovely Sarah and my grand-girl tomorrow, so the Oswalds will again celebrate Christmas early.  As long as we are all together, this is a good thing.  I just have to think about what Christmas will be like this year (Ella is just starting to become mobile) and next (we will have 2 mobile babies then) and I realize I have to get a whole lot of outlet covers before then!  :)

So onto my last 2 days of school and then none until 2014.  It will be really good to have a week plus off.  I have plans to do some walking, snowshoeing, weightlifting and some upstairs cleaning. And a little wine drinking.  Plus a moment or two of joy-giving!

Take the time to enjoy your day, and let those Christmas gremlins go. (Debi, someone is talking to you here) Let the season happen, don't expect anything and sometimes you will be pleasantly surprised!! :)  Because really, the very best gift you can give is yourself.  Whether that comes in the form of sharing yourself through your pictures, your blog, your text and email messages, your presence and concern for the people in your life who need you or making yourself and your home open and welcoming to those who visit in person.  I hope that my friends, students, and family find peace and love with me, in whatever form that takes.  And that they can find peace and love in their own life.  The very best way to pay things forward.  Happy Happy Holidays to you!

What to do first and other wanderings..

TODAY is finally Saturday, the best day of the whole week for most of us.  I have so much to accomplish today, as I am going to be gone for a few days starting tomorrow.  I am going to the TIES convention in Minneapolis (can we have a hallelujah and a few major fist pumps in the air, baby!!) which is a tech conference for teachers.  My life is good.  I am going with some of my absolute FAVORITE people in the world- The Mad-English teacher friend, the Mad-chemistry teacher friend, the wanting to always be anonymous next door neighbor and partner in crime, fellow vegetarian girl, plus finally- my mentee, the Mad-Math Teacher friend.  We are leaving early tomorrow so we can get to the cities and walk to the museum in the afternoon before it closes. Before the vikings game lets out..... YES!!!  Anywho, I have a few things I want to accomplish before I leave.

Most of them involve errands, but I also want to get to the gym, go for a walk, wrap Christmas presents, put up one more string of really cool lights..... OH, I want to send out my calendars this week, but idk if I will get that done before tomorrow.  Yeah, I should be doing that right now so I can take them to the post office, and yet here I am writing a blog post.  Priorities, right??

Hey can I make an observation that is slightly annoying to me this morning.  I just looked up at the TV, as I have the Today show on, with the sound pretty low, and the headline is: 21 States expecting snow or rain today.........  Um yeah- this is WINTER people.  IT IS DECEMBER!!!  WHAT do we expect???  I also find it more than mildly annoying how the Weather Channel names their winter storms.  I seriously want to smack them upside the head.  We who endure these winter storms do not need them named.  We call them- "daily life" or  "oh I better wear my boots today" weather and "I suppose I better remote start my car" sort of a day.  We SCOFF at you weather channel.  Life is dramatic enough,  just tell us how many inches to expect and we will decide if it is "get some bread and milk" time.  I am done now.  :)

Yeah, so I need to prioritize my wants and needs for the day or I will be so worked up by the time night comes I won't sleep.  And since I am the apparent "expert" in Twin cities driving (silly silly people) I have to be on my A game tomorrow, as I am chief navigator!  (I have Siri and I know how to use her)

Just a week from now my house will be full of people and dogs and a baby and it will be good!  All the kids will be here the weekend before Christmas, as their places of work are rude enough to make some of them go to their jobs next week.  I mean just because Christmas is on a Wednesday, effectively cutting the week in two and just kind of messing things up, doesn't mean they should goof up my Christmas celebrations, right? Oh well, Christmas is when everyone is here, so what evs.  I am trying to get all these little loose ends tied up, as I think at least part of the posse will be here on Thursday, so after I get home, there isn't much time.  So lights and wrapping is top priority, as well as a little last minute shopping and deciding on a grocery list.  Oh man, I'm going to be up late.  Lol.

So, maybe I should package up a couple calendars right now to get to my far-est flung friends on the coasts, and then make a fast stop at the PO after while.  That would make me feel better.  I have a gift to send off too, so that might be a good idea, too.  Yep, a list has already started.

Until next time, have a joyful day- enjoy your Saturday.  It goes waaaay too fast.

Ho Ho Ho!!

A sadly neglected blog

Well, hasn't it been a while since you have seen me here!  

I have been occupied with a madrigal dress, cleaning up after myself and the Madrigal dress, going to see the Madrigal dinner and then school started up again.  It is SO COLD again tonight and I am sleepy as can be.  At least I have been able to fall asleep the last few nights and not end up going upstairs to toss and turn.

I have to say that once again I am stressing out a bit over this whole Christmas season. The whole weekend was dedicated to decorating, some exercise and cleaning/straightening from the decorating.  And from the Madrigal dress making.  AND making my calendars.  That is a whole lot more fun when you aren't totally thrown off by the odd Thanksgiving/Christmas timing this year and discovering that the 50% off sale at Shutterfly ends Sunday night..... and you throw those things together like lightening. Oy.  So, kids, if you are a past recipient of my calendar, rest assured it IS COMING, but it might be slightly later than Christmas, but it will be there by New Years!

One REALLY nice thing that is coming up here is the 2 day tech conference that I get to go to next week.  IN MINNEAPOLIS!!!!  WOOOOOT!  Can you say coffee/bakery/ethnicfood?  Why yes I can!!  And we are going to fit in a quick visit to the Minneapolis Museum of Art as well.  After THAT, then I have just a few days and the kids will be home for Christmas the weekend before the 25th.  It will be a nice break.

I have a few blog posts in me when I am more awake.  I think.  Or else I could just babble on about nothing, which is nothing new.  But there are things lurking about the brain.

I think the reason I was compelled to write this is to admit that I once again am feeling like I am not doing a good enough job at ... well life.  Today that means that I am not fulfilling my perfect (in my brain) Christmas preseason work.  I rushed to do the calendars.  I rushed to get my decorations done.  I am panicking about having spent the right amount of money on all the people in my life or that the gifts are just ok or that someone will be unhappy.  And at this rate I am going to be depressed when Christmas Day comes and my kids will not be here.  But that is what they have to do this year, and it really is ok.  But I will be a little sad, but I don't think I should be over thinking all of this.  So I am going to kick back and enjoy the Christmas tree and get my presents wrapped a little at a time and possibly find my Christmas cards that are here in the house somewhere and have gotten misplaced in my shuffling. We have to stop being so hard on ourselves for things like this (she's talking to you, Debi) and we have to quit thinking that there is something magic about Dec. 25- because really Christmas is when the kids get here, or when we get there, or any other combination of family and friends that we can come up with.  So, if you get a Christmas card or calendar from me late, know that I am just relaxing into the season and spreading the joy when I can!

So until next time, relax and enjoy the little things.  I am going to make that my goal for the month!  As pretty much everything is a little thing.