Flashback

I couldn't help naming this post "Flashback".  I really wanted to call it Flash Forward, but that REALLY wouldn't have made sense.  Now most people wouldn't be surprised by that either, but that is ok.  I will stay, for the moment, making sense.  I have been watching- and indeed finished watching- BReaking BAd last night.  A LOT of the last season revolved around trying to figure out what was going on because they showed you some Flash forwards.... come to think of it, there were several flashbacks, too, so I guess this does make sense after all.

AAAANYWAY, yesterday - by day of the week- was one year since I had my unfortunate fall on the road.  Today is the actual date, but it felt more familiar yesterday, a Sunday. The set up was similar, as it was the day before what is essentially the first day of the semester.  Different from last year, I wouldn't have been NEARLY as ready for that all to happen as last year.

I am not feeling at all sentimental about that day today.  I have no desire to post a what-I-have-learned sort of post, mostly I am noting it's passing.  I learned a lot about life and myself in this past year.  I know I have the most fantastic group of friends and family!  There are so many people that gave me support in so many ways, including a couple far-flung, but close, friends who attempted to help me keep my sanity and for the most part succeeded.  HAHA.  Seriously, though, even if I was in some serious denial, I had their words in my ear nudging me gently towards the enlightenment.  And man, I did not want to hear it.  Good thing they were persistent.

I was delighted to spend my afternoon with my friend the Mad-Science teacher, snow shoeing behind her house!!  It was really nice to hike around somewhere different.  And she has some killer hills back there- which was interesting to conquer.  We had a  nice walk, and she got to try out her new shoes.  When I got home, the elusive Mike was here and he had just gone for a snowmobile ride- and so I asked him to finish off a mile plus route around the field and back field, which he kindly did.  So I spent a little more time outside doing that as well.

The rest of the afternoon I spent reading and after the MA got  back in the house watched some football, and when the Broncos managed to win- watched the rest of the BB 5th season.  We did get to FaceTime with Jon and Sarah and Ella and saw a little bit of miss Ava.  Who was out like a light!  Lol.  I am thinking Ella is feeling the effects of a new baby sister juuuuuuust a little.  Both Ella and I will be excited for Friday to get here and Gramma Debi to arrive.

I have a bunch of photos to edit yet, I took some on Saturday when we were seeing some sun.  It was a very exciting day- lol- it doesn't take much to make me happy here.  I am glad I was out in it for a few hours Saturday, as the sun isn't going to be showing up for a long time now.  Saturday also found us visiting with Greg and Sarah and the kids.....  it is so amazing that they live near us.  I still find it a little other-worldly.  I'll take it!!

2016, you are doing really well so far!  Good job, carry on!  And don't forget to include some generous amounts of joy!

A joyful curve ball

October!  How did this happen, and what ever happened to September?  How can this be half way through the first quarter and how can it be 10 days or more since I blogged??

Ok, we know how fast the weeks go when you are at work, so there went September.  School has been going pretty well, the kids have been good and I will be grateful to have homecoming week finished for the year.  Craziness.

As for the last question, things have been rocking and rolling here. I am now the proud new Gramma of another Grandgirl!  YA HOO!  Little Ruth was born last Friday and is a whole week old already.  So Gramma Debi was on duty for little Greg.  What a little sweetie he is and we had a very good few days together.  Lots of adventures with him- you guys- watching a 1.5 yo is exhausting!  He is such a good natured little guy and I don't think he cried a little more than once or twice. And so I was gone from school for a while and this week I felt like I was behind, behind, behind. I am all caught up there, and I believe a trip to see them is in order sometime this weekend. It is nice that the trip will take about 10 minutes instead of a number of hours!

So during this time period I was supposed to go up to Bayfield and hike with the Mad-English and Science teachers!  I felt REALLY horrible about myself having that conflict in my mind all Saturday, but I would never have traded my time with the little guy for going north for the weekend.  I also didn't get in any actual exercise, though I certainly was tired at the end of each day!  So this little joyful curve ball that was thrown into my life certainly points out that I/we are definitely not in control, so why get worked up about it?  Well, if you know me at all, you know I was a little worked up, mostly because I was wishing I could be in two places at once.....  lol, it is trying to be me at times.

HOWEVER, wow did I have a good time with my Grandboy.  We played in the house, on the deck, we all (including Grandpa) went and picked apples in the yard, we patted Jacpot, he watched for the cat and never caught her, lol. He took amazingly good naps and he slept through the night like a champ!  We sent lots of photos to mom and dad.  It was a good good weekend.

Anyway, I need to get myself ready for FRIDAY!  May all the curveballs thrown into YOUR life be as joyful as this one was for me!

chit chatty randomness

I will not probably be posting photos in this post either, but you never know what lies I could be telling you right now.  HA!  I am too lazy to edit photos this evening, and if I am feeling energetic enough I will be kayaking again in the morning and might have more pix.  So I will see what happens in the morning.

Ok, so I lied, photo included

I may kayak Butternut Lake tomorrow morning, early.  Because I can and it is actually supposed to be sunny, unlike today where it stayed cloudy until literally 10 minutes after I got home.  Well shoot, I just checked and it might be cloudy in the am.  sigh.  Whatever.  I am going unless my arm hurts.

Next on the random list of stuff, is I am getting my piano tuned tomorrow for the first time in several years.  The piano hurts my brain and makes my eyeball roll into the back of my head it is so out of tune.  Oy. So YAY for that.

I found a bunch of drawings I did a long time ago behind said piano.....  and some of them are ones that would fit in with my previous blogpost.  So I may photograph and update.  Who knows!  :)

I am also going to try to find a new light fixture for the kitchen, as the one I have works randomly in spite of a new switch that was put in....  and with some humid weather coming it won't work.  It is an aged thing, and I need a consistent light source.  And speaking of the kitchen, I am more than a little irritated that the handle of my new refrigerator is still not tightened properly and that I had to order a new one.  I am usually pretty laid back about things like that, but this bugs me to no end.  Not positive that Sears will get any more of my business.

Today I kayaked on the river, as was hinted at before.  A fisherman, who later apologized, apparently didn't see me and took off like a rocket, which never happens on the river.  The boaters here are so considerate.  I was well behind him, fortunately. Anyway, when I paddled by him later, he offered apologies which I graciously accepted.  He said his son told him about me being there, and he was sort of mortified.  No danger and the waves weren't too bad.  So on this trip, I get down to DeMars Bridge and was really surprised to see a whole lot of floating beer cans in the water.  I managed to fish most of them out of the water and dragged them home with me.  SOMEONE was drinking under the bridge apparently.  Seriously people, throw your litter away!!!  It bugged me a lot, they could have at least just put their cans in the cardboard box they left under there.  sigh

This is a murky photo because I took it through the dry bag.  Two of the 7 or 8 beer cans I fished out of the river....  

So school is starting Tuesday and BLAM- the temperature is supposed to be in the mid to upper 80's all week.  Thank you so very much Mother Nature.  That is just awesome. At least Labor Day will give us 2 four day weeks to sort of ease back into the swing of it all.

I didn't realize that I was edgy about so many little things!  Lol.

Between cleaning out the refrigerator and clearing off the piano, I suddenly have a pile of things to do tomorrow!  But that is ok, I will kayak and enjoy myself first and then see how much I can get finished in the afternoon.  A little fun and then some clutter clearing!  I might have to make a quick trip to the local thrift shop....

Hope your Monday has a little bit of fun and then a mission accomplished. How could the day be more joyful than that?

Say WHAT???

I don't know what forces of the universe have decided to interfere in my life lately, but I am not really amused.  Seriously, I have shit to do and I have no time for this "take it easy stuff."

Ok, so I was actually delighted to go to the Dr. yesterday with X-rays first, because I thought I would pretty much get the all clear....  the go ahead and lift and pull and push all the stuff that you want, because you are as good as you are going to get message.  Rock on with your bad-ass self.  (Yes, I say that kind of thing to myself, and if you don't, you should).  I went to X-ray, had a nice chat with my former student Val- who, btw, was my technician 6 weeks ago - and headed over to Orthopedics.  I must interject that melting snow and 56 degree temps had my spirit soaring!  SO NICE OUT!!

Anyway, I got in immediately to see  my PA and we had a great time chatting about all sorts of things before we took a look at the X-rays.  She is impressed with my recovery, and I will be getting through the range of motion issue through more stretching things, etc, and all that sort of thing.  I got to look with her at the films on the computer, and the left arm had a nice white line where everything was healing nicely.  My more troublesome right arm was a different story.  This is hard to describe, but the little piece where the fracture had been intact- a little triangle between the crack and the outside edge of the radial head- had some time in the last 4 weeks slipped down a smidge.  The sucker had moved!  WHAT IN THE EVER LIVING HELL?????

You could see at the top where there cells are regrowing and beginning to smooth over the little dip and it is over all ok, but you know what she said of course.  You have to "take it easy".  No, you should probably not lift 50 lb boxes of clay, or 50 lb feed bags and if you feel pain or a lot of pressure, you shouldn't do that either.  Until Easterish.  I don't know if anyone is listening to me, but I have a play to put on and it involves doing things.  I am so annoyed.

I, of course, started WRACKING my brain trying to think of what I could possibly have done??  I swear that I was being careful.  The Mad-Science teacher sheepishly interjected that I probably have not been taking it as easy as I thought I was.  Of course she's probably right, but I felt like I WAS taking it easy.  It was also pointed out to me that sometimes that is just the way life goes...  ugh.  sigh. It isn't how I had planned for it to go though...

I got through scenery painting with fairly good humor, got tons done, painted with my left hand a lot because, guess what!!  My previously not sore right arm decided that those x-rays were one thing too much for the day, and btw, Debi, now that you mention it, I think I am going to hurt and be stiff, you know because you managed to mess up this fairly simple injury, so go take an Aleve and get over yourself---  that arm needs a stern talking to for being so lippy.  When I got home I dissolved into a heap for a while and thought through my next 3 weeks.  Good thing I have amazing friends who virtually patted my head and dried my tears and told me I'll be fine.  HAHA and eventually the MA showed up, and was somewhat reassuring as well! Ah, tax season.

So this morning, I am feeling pretty optimistic and happy again, which I knew I would be.  I just can't be bothered to wallow in self pity, because it drives me insane.  And I have shit to do, so I need to focus.  I can't let this alter my drive to get somewhere near caught up on a few   on alllll the things.  So the next two days are  dedicated to get the scenery FINISHED for the play.  Friday, I get to have my kids here for the weekend, then Monday begins with a Charter meeting early and play practice, with full dress and makeup until late.  And on it goes.

What lesson is this universe trying to teach?  I know what it is, I just don't have time for it.  And there in lies the answer.  If you don't think you have the time, you might just be forced to alter your path a little.  Ask for a little more help for just a little while longer.  Even if it makes you want to bang your head against the nearest wall.  I am going to be digging deep for my zen, for my center, for my inner peace.

And always always, where ever I can get it, seek out my joy.

6 weeks

6 weeks ago, I was innocently thinking that I would be starting a new semester the next day- new kids, new schedule, new start.  6 weeks ago I had plans, big plans, for Booking Across the Bay, snow shoeing, walking, lifting at the ghetto gym,  keeping ahead of my school work, since I, at that time, was sort of caught up.  6 weeks ago, I planned my walk for early afternoon, so I could putz around in the house and generally set myself up for the week.  I, as I recall, had a ton of food cooked, house was cleaned up, laundry was done and I was getting exercise in spite of the ridiculous cold and ice, yes, it was looking good baby.

Sometime early this afternoon will be the 6 week mark.  I don't know the exact time, but if I cared to scroll back a good deal through my texts, I know I fired off a string of decidedly nasty expletives to a friend of mine concerning what I had done.  And that was after I had "walked it off" for a mile.  Good grief.  Looking back, I perhaps should have taken the ride home from the nice man in the truck.  But in reality, it wouldn't have really mattered.  I did no further harm to either my radial heads or my ankle.  No use second guessing yourself about things like that anyway.  You do the best you can with the information you have at the time.

Even though I felt fairly awake and lucid during this whole recovery, I really don't remember too much about that first week.  And parts of the second week.  Pain meds do that to me, but I wonder if the brain doesn't protect you from the stresses of healing in some way. What I do know is I have awesome and amazing friends who checked on me often and came to stay with me.  I know that the people in the ER and clinic were fantastic.  I know that I have a hubby who did more than he ever imagined he would ever be doing for me.  And he did it well!  I literally do not know what I would have done without him.  I have a seriously wonderful sister who came to be with me!!  I know that I am lucky it wasn't worse, but that doesn't take away from the fact that I still have some recovery to do.  That still bothers me a little, that whole- OH it could have been so much worse, you are lucky.  Really?  I know I discussed this before, but why do people want to diminish the facts, when I am having a hard enough time finding the legitimacy of my own injury??  Oh well- what evs.  I'll tell you, when Feb 14 came and that 10K came and went without me, I was not happy about anything.

6 weeks later, my previously sorer left arms is doing great.  It has fabulous range of motion and I barely notice it.  My right arm is a little more problematic- much more stiff.  Much less range of motion, even though I am working on it.  The things I do with that arm from beginning of the day to the end is undoubtedly the reason it is a little twitchy.  I need about a week of light duty.  But the play is almost here and that will not be happening.  I will be working on stage stuff from today through Thursday, frequently, and then I have a different workout!  My Ella Bella and her mom and dad are coming soon!  YAY!  Then it will be play week and I will talk to you after the 22nd.  Or you can find me in a heap back stage, somewhere behind my throne! Or maybe behind the ship!  :)  (Musical teaser alert)

So what is instructive about all this?  NEVER EVER think your life is going to go in the direction you expect.  And when it veers wildly, all you can do is pay attention to the things that are going on.  What is the universe trying to give you/tell you?  What is really important, what isn't and what things will surprise you?  2 plus weeks of time at home not being sick, but not being able, gives you a lot of time to understand messages that have been lurking about.  Or more accurately ignore them, and then have a total meltdown when no one is around and you think no one cares....  and then you can pull yourself together and see that nothing is as it seems.

It seems nothing is ever set in stone, you always have time to change your mind, you can shock the hell out of people by not taking the easy way out and always by doing things that you love.  For me, for my recovery- the musical was everything.  I had to do it, I had to be there, I had to be tougher than people thought.  I couldn't disappoint myself, my friend Mark or the kids by having 2 broken elbows.  And we will rock that play, performance after performance.

I walked on the ice yesterday- down by Smith Lake.  I almost didn't go.  I was afraid to walk on the snowy/slushy roads that had that possibility of ice.  I was worried I would fall.  I was afraid to try again.  But the warmth of the sun and the water on the pavement and call of the road was too strong to resist.  And I am not a quitter.  Seems really trite to be saying this, but you have no idea how afraid I was.  But once I got out and started walking the hills to the lake, hearing the birds, seeing the water and then finally walking on the ice, I was fine.  I was healing, I was again brave.  Even though  I literally had to force myself to walk out on that lake, I did walk on it.  The same one that will hold me in a canoe or kayak this summer. I know things change all the time, yet danger does not lurk around every corner and every step of the way.  I can feel safe again.  It was my symbolic Book Across the Bay, where I completed my mission, even if this event happened in a different form than the original.  Turning around and looking back, I saw how far I had come.   In just 6 weeks.  I smiled and took a picture, and headed home.

Have a joyful day.

Trapped in my world, for now

Ok, this isn't really about feeling sorry for myself---  well, just for a minute or two, but actually I was thinking of sometimes you get what you think you want and THEN you find out what a warped sense of humor life really has.  For instance, what could be BETTER than to not be sick and get to stay home from work for a week or two- yeah, not what you thought would happen.

It really is the simple things in life that are truly worth appreciating

• dressing yourself
• putting lotion on your hands
• changing the toilet paper roll
• washing your hands!
• closing the car door
• and then fastening your own seatbelt
• scratching your own back, and btw, your nose and eyelid as well
• drinking your morning coffee without benefit of a straw
• opening a bowl with your dinner in it
• opening a door
• moving your pillow without sitting up
• washing dishes
• zipping your coat
• putting on your coat
• not to mention driving, grocery shopping, feeding your pets, doing your job!

Today I feel like my world is indeed very small.  I can take care of myself, but I can't do what I would do ordinarily if I was mostly healthy and home.  There is no way I can leave the house by myself, as I can't risk falling on the ice.  I have food made, but I can not cut up hard vegetables because I can't press down well on a knife. So no real cooking for me.  I can put some things away, but I can only wash the lightest dishes.  This is not fun.  My idea of a good time is not sitting around and watching tv.  I will read and I will work on this blog post, but because I HAVE to do things like this, and not get out and be active, I really am not wanting to.

So instead of feeling sorry for myself, I am going to sink into what I can do.  After I let my arms rest, I will do some photo editing and show you my Lola/winter pictures that I took a while ago.  Because I realize that life is full of choices and options and sometimes, limitations.

When I do get back to school, I will have a lot of catching up.  I will have to begin working on scenery for the play.  My days will suddenly become very long.  What will I do?  I will do what I can- I will ask for help and I will not give up.  I will stay and work hard on my school things, but I will honor my body and quit when I have to rest.  I will have everyone help me when I can't lift something and I will not be stupid about it.  However, I will NOT give up. THIS situation will not result in any more than a temporary slow down.  I will not allow this event to make things seem less possible.

Maybe this is a bit melodramatic, self-centered or whiny.  But what did I learn?

 First of all, I know that this was an accident of the purest kind. I won't "blame" myself and have not ever been angry with me,  and I will not feel guilt, or embarrassment or sheepishness over it.  I was being careful and that is it.  You could spend your whole life trying to protect yourself at all costs and then you corral yourself into a smaller and smaller world.  I don't freaking think so.

Next, seriously, you would NOT believe how much you use and depend upon your radius, not to mention your ulna in your day to day life.  Take some time right now (DO IT) and thank your body for giving you so much possibility, if you can't do that you should take a moment to worship your healthy radial head.  :)  and then thank the other one!!

Friends are amazing and awesome and wonderful and they come out of their own lives to offer their assistance, give you food, flowers, rides and all sorts of wonderful messages of encouragement. Amazing.  Just amazing.

My family - my kids and my sister in specific- of course were fast to respond in the ways that they could.  My kids sent flowers, which they knew I would LOVE, my sister came to help, Mikey feeds the horse and does errands when I ask, and it is nice to know that any one of them would have come running if I needed them.

This was taken about 20 minutes before "the fall"

And then there is the MA, who has with good humor and amazing patience been a rockstar.  He will talk to me when he knows I need it, he will not talk when he knows I can't take another word.  He has slept on the couch when he knows I need the extra room to thrash around and has washed the dishes more in the last 10 days than in the previous 34 years!  Lol!!  Thank heaven for him, or I would be up the creek without the canoe and the paddle.  He now knows how to make coffee, where the dish cloths are and finally can truly make scrambled eggs without having everything stick to the pan.

I have found that the proverbial "counting my blessings" is a really authentic way to understand the good that life gives us.  Things are never perfect, but if you look for the things that are worthwhile, suddenly life doesn't seem so small and restricted.  I think it is called finding your joy!

Another month almost done!

I feel terribly neglectful of my blog..... but this is what happens to me at this time of the year!

I have scenery painting after school, then I MUST go to the gym and then I have to catch up on my loseit logging for the day, look briefly at facebook, play a few WWF games and then collapse in bed and start all over again.  There isn't much time to do anything else.

I have been working with the kiddos on the Wizard of Oz scenery and it is progressing pretty well.  I seem to have fewer kids right now than usual, but they seem to be trickling in a few at a time.  I might have to start staying later and rearrange my workout schedule. :(  But it will be ok, as I WILL get in my time under and above barbells and dumbbells.  The color green is going to give me overload soon, but that is to be expected.  I am looking forward to the color green outside, tho!

I am THRILLED to say that I PRed on my bench press again last night!!!!  WOOO HOOOOOO!!!  140# baby!!!  There are good things to come in that regard!

It has totally motivated me towards a goal that I will share later.

Anyway, with everything else this has been a busy few weeks that is going to continue into March.
Which is already almost upon us- and we are half way through the 3rd quarter!  wowza

Anyway, I have to press on here this morning!  Have a good one people!  As always- be a joy giver and give those joy stealers something to complain about!!  ALWAYS smile at them- it'll drive them insane!  hehehehe- try it, it totally WORKS!  ;)

Time to pull it together!

Yeah, so yesterday was a bit of a bust.  I guess not really a bust, I did do something REALLY cool, which is good considering what a drama queen I was in the morning and how devastated I was last night.  I did manage to get myself outside for a walk, so that was also a positive thing!! AND we all know you can't keep the Mad-Artteacher down.

It is all about balance!  Sometimes a person has an off day, but if you look for it, you CAN find your joy, you can harness your negative energies and do a killer weight routine!  You can use your restlessness and get done some things that needed to be and then some.  But then life can come back and prove you are SO not in control!  Yin and Yang.  Black and White. Good and bad.  Balance

Well FINE!!!  I get it.  Don't get too wrapped up in yourself.  I have come to figure out a while ago that you have to experience the feelings, and then use it to forge forward in the best way that you can.  You have to experience a little suffering to truly have the joy and love that a person is always searching for. And I have come to find out I have a lot of wonderful friends who give me so much.

I could have had things way worse happen, so this is just a little blip in my radar.  I will press on to a very busy week and semester at school.  The term is winding down and new one will be winding up.  The musical will begin soon and my afterschool life will  be EVEN busier.  I will drive myself nuts trying to get in all my weightlifting and cardio, but the days will be getting longer and I will have a little more time given to me in that way.  Balance.

So as you begin this new week, I hope you can find some balance too.  Look for the positive among all the tiring and seemingly defeating things in your day. Even sad moments have something that you can use as you go on .  TAKE IT ON- those challenges of life, don't let yourself be overwhelmed.  At least not for too long!

So make sure you allow yourself to find that joy and give some away too.  Because the more you give out, the more you will get back.... especially if you aren't expecting it.