Yes, you read that right. I was so disturbed by this I can't even tell you.
I am going to talk about one thing at a time here- like in each post a different focus. I have a billions things that I could say, but I have possibly been identified as someone who is decidedly nonlinear in her story telling, so I am going to try to keep this concise. Yeah, I just rolled my eyes at that idea as well.
Why did I cry? Idk, but in my quest to make sure I get the January activity challenge on Peloton, even on my rest days, I at least do a meditation or a restorative yoga. A few unanswered questions there, right?
So yes, let's rewind. Back in December, things were much like they are now, except of course for the stresses of Christmas, which somehow makes things seem even more sucky but I digress. I decided for the sake of my physical and mental health I needed to change a few things. So I started by allowing myself to be talked into (tho I had been thinking about it) joining the Peloton cult. I am a person who constantly needs change and new things to do, and this time of my life has way too few of those things. I was perturbed to find out the bike won't get here until late February, but also heartened because they give you free use of the app during your wait time so you can become properly indoctrinated, um oh, or should I say, to give you something to do to pass time waiting.
The app has literally everything on it for you to do that is available on the bike, but, you know, there is no bike. So if I had a different bike, which I don't, I could use it to cycle. BUT there is a lot else to do there, including but not limited to: strength training, resistance bands, yoga, meditation, cardio, outdoor walking coaching (which is kind of ridiculous to use when you are plodding through snow and over icy roads), pilates, etc. I am putting a positive spin on the fact the bike won't be here for a while by saying I am using this time to get stronger so I don't actually harm myself. And it is really true.
Fortunately for me, I have the technique for weight lifting down pat, so it is just a matter of building up the pounds that I move. I'm on the threshold of needing 15 pound dumbbells (for any one near by that is going out of town anytime soon- that would be awesome) and I, of course, picked up resistance bands as well, because variety (and shopping) makes me happy. Now the yoga thing is a different matter, I have done small amounts here and there, so I have a nodding acquaintance with it, but I am taking that slow. I have gotten the mat and the blocks for it, as they are quite crucial.
Anyway, I can talk about that (yoga and strength training) another time, because I am trying to prove I can stay some what on topic. So Peloton gives you badges for things- like so many days in a row and for doing x number of strength, yoga, stretching..... etc sessions. A FUN thing is to do their live classes, which I try to work in when I can, otherwise they are all on demand. So yeah, as I have proved in previous parts of my life, I will work hard for virtual bling. shiny things. useless awards. bring it. On this program there is NO talk of diet ever and they really do a good job of modifying or offering modification techniques for all people. It is quite good, except for the whole moving-from-standing-to-hands-and-knees-or-lying so fast situation. It can be a problem depending on how far I have pushed myself the previous day. Some days standing up from down dog is not going to gracefully happen. But wow have my stupid knees gotten better, so there is that.
Today is a total rest day. Which means no yoga, no strength, no pilates from hell, etc. but because Debi does work for badges- she will at least do a meditation on rest days to keep that streak going.
I have been doing daily meditation for 3 years now and I am a believer. I use Headspace in the morning, virtually every morning, and so I was not convinced that I would need to use Peloton meditation. But that first day came where I needed to take a day off, and I was firmly hooked into those badges, and so I logged in to a meditation. Well..... they are amazing! For the most part the instructors for meditation only do that and yoga. That is not true of all of them, but for the most part. All of the meditations have been great, there are 3 people I keep going back to because I like their voices and their ways. My favorite probably is Ross, who had a live meditation this morning.
So yeah, he had a happiness meditation, which he prefaced by saying is not a light- everyone be happy, but more of a deeper allowing yourself to have peace or whatever works for you. I love the music they use too, btw, and it felt good to start. But when he began prepping us for the main meditation, I don't even know what he said but my eyes filled with tears and literally before I knew it he was wrapping up that 10 minutes and I had been wiping my eyes the whole time. Not exactly what I was expecting.
So do I feel happy? Not exactly, but I am feeling more aware. This whole self quarantine stuff is shitty. I do not do well with it at all. I feel angry when people are doing things that I can't let myself do yet, I feel sad when I don't hear back from my people, I feel hopeless that it will ever end.... then I am pissed at myself for being such a baby, but I feel what I feel and so I let myself off the hook as much as I can. Like I said in the previous post, I am trying to let people be who they need to be and I have to do that with myself as well.
So today, I decided to write a little, I am going to renew my intent from a month ago to draw a face a day- nothing fancy, just draw. I am going to read a chapter of a pretty good book I have been reading and I am going to try to leave my people alone and be my own best friend. I'm not that great at any of this some days. Wish me well.
And everyone put thought of a Peloton bike coming to me the last Tuesday in February out into the universe- because I have been waiting 5 weeks already and I have been using these 5 weeks to the best of my ability!!!
Rock on people! xo
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