1000

A couple days ago I sort of quietly did something for the 1000th time.  That thing is an activity on Runkeeper, which is an app on my phone that I installed quite a long time ago, really.  I have covered a lot of ground, really, and if every one of those thousand posts was for walking or moving forward in some way, I would have covered a lot more ground.  I keep track of my weight lifting on it too.

So let's say that I am not a big numbers person, which I am not.  I can fiddle around with numbers in my head and have some success, but I still have to set up percentages by using the whole numerator/denominator thing, and things like that.  I CAN do the math, but seriously I just don't want to.  Hahaha.  I got through trig in High school and then got out of math as a second semester senior with my life and gradepoint intact.  I prefer to leave that sort of thing to - oh, I don't know- let's say an accountant who is comfortable with that stuff.  :) I have said for years, that is why God gave me an accountant, so I don't have to ever  EVER in my life worry about things like tax forms.  shudder.

However, if you REALLY know me, you know that there is definitely a geeky person that lies deep within.  If allowed to rise to the surface this person likes to play around with things like computers, and know scientificky thing (yes that is a word, shut up) and gasp- enjoy interacting with mathematics..... PLEASE do not tell the "MadArtTeacher" that, she gets a little antsy and her eye starts to twitch.  This person can get carried away and wants to live in a world full of numbers that used to make so much difference to her, and she did find out recently that they really don't matter...

Anywho, back to Runkeeper.  #1000 activity.  I find it pleasing that I did a walk on that activity, because it is certainly the way I began.  It seems like something cool like a kayak would have been in order but it is November, though until this morning, November forgot what she is supposed to be acting like.  No, it was just an ordinary walk, that I shoved into the period of time between school and sunset, which is getting distressingly shorter and shorter.  But we do all know that will change in about 6 weeks, so its all good.

Numbers to go with the free version of Runkeeper- I have fought off the urge, successfully, to pay for the Runkeeper elite that will tell me all sorts of cool things, that I really do not need to know and really, again, do not matter.  My first activity was only a 2 mile walk, or else I did not finish the walk or had some sort of issue with the app- idk.  It was in June of 2011, and I was way worried about all sorts of numbers.  Since then I have traveled 3,239 miles, burned 373,000 official calories, have gone through at least 8 or 9 pairs of really expensive shoes,  overtrained myself into: an ouchy knee, carpal tunnel and possibly a broken limb or two; plus gained a lot of confidence and entered into some really fun events and activities that include hiking, biking, and kayaking.

I do not use Runkeeper for the numbers anymore, I use it to keep track of where I have been through posting the event and taking pictures.  I have referred to the app several times to remember what adventure I went on and when.  Fortunately or not, I almost never venture off on a walk or hike without the app running, I hope that didn't annoy too many people.  I have it totally muted now, except if I decide to use music.  I do not have the pace cues, I do not have a trainer in my ear telling me to do whatever, I only have it to mark where I am via satellite for future use.  It is a relief to not be worrying about whether these calories being burned are enough for the food that I ate on any given day, because it just doesn't matter.  I am not my weight, nor do I reward or punish myself with exercise.  I am me and not a number.

What I am, that is amazing, is a much fitter person than I was in June of 2011.  By fit I mean that I can pretty much do what I want to- I can hike where I want, including up any landform that I would be brave enough to climb on (granted that is somewhat limited by the terror factor), bike and kayak.  I am game for most any physical activity, and I can do it without a lot of whining..... though there are those that might argue that fact!  :)  Am I as in "good of shape" as I was at the height of my obsessing over numbers, why yes I am, I am just not as light!  And I am so so fine with that.  At any given time I may be a little heavier, lighter, stronger weaker, have amazing cardio-vascular endurance or not, but I am not worried about that at all.  Except for broken things, I worry these days about not breaking things.

Runkeeper has taught me many things, well sort of.  I am using it as a metaphor I suppose.  I have learned that I can walk literally all day long if I need to.  I have learned, though I knew it deep inside, that I am NOT a runner.  Running seems to be held up to all as the standard for all truly worthy people to be working on, but that is such bull shit.  ugh.  Save your knees people, unless you are one of those people who really ARE able to do it without constant injury, why abuse yourself like that?  If you are, yay for you, but if you are not, do what you like, not what the rest of the world thinks you should like.  I won't credit Runkeeper for making me realize that I am a really good weightlifter, I am going to thank my amazing friends from the former Triple B gym for that, and of course me, because I kept at it and still love it so much.

But you can not disregard ill-advised activities that you have gone through to get to where you are right now.  I have done many things that I will not do again, but that doesn't mean I wish I wouldn't have done them.  That is a bit of a waste of time, don't you think?  I am so glad, though, that now I am getting my activity doing the things I love to do.  Because beating the crap out of yourself for the sake of getting exercise, especially if you detest that activity (yes I am talking to you elliptical), well that is crazy and I won't do it any more.

I have deleted all of the "fitness", "health" and "weightloss" apps off of my phone.  They and their numbers are not important to me any more.  But I do hold onto my Runkeeper.  It reminds me of the journey I have been on and the people I have been with and the amazing things that I have done, and will record the cool things I plan to do in the future.  Book Across the Bay, I am headed your way!!

Find the joy  in your day today, and be a joy GIVER for heavens sakes, it is Friday after all.  Though I don't think you should wait for any particular day to give that joy away.  They all work equally as well.  Rock on every one and MWAH!

Body image, maintaining and other confusing ideas...... sort of

I was reviewing my Feedly (blog reader thingie) today and came across a post by gokaleo that caught my eye.  I did a little clicking and came to this post linked here.


I love that the title is Bullying, Body-shaming, and the Unbearable Powerlessness of Douchbaggery.  I have to state first that at initial perusal, I do not allow myself to get bullied.  I am old enough to be over that crap.  I mean seriously, try to bully me and I will tell you to go F yourself.  And I won't say F either.  I fortunately have by now come to terms with the fact that I am what I am and if you don't like it, tough taffy, Tootsie.  Get over yourself.  And that is where my teacher self confidence REALLY is helpful!  hehehe.

However, a part of the bullying that she refers to in this post is the subtle cultural images that we are all exposed to during our life.  The bullying that takes place is the placement of images and ideas in the media that only the thin and young are worthy of viewing.  That older or out of the narrow range of popular culture "norms"people are not good enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough, buff enough, tough enough - just not enough. This needs to stop!  It is screwing with our minds.  I hear it all the time in my teenagers, friends and co-workers. I like to try and make them think about what they have said.  Challenging a "norm" that shouldn't be there at all.

I occasionally get sucked into this whole thing- my body that had been overweight (in an unhealthy way) it's whole life does not conform to the thin waisted, perky butted, skinny legged ideal that is portrayed everywhere.  I have none of those things - in my mind..... It makes me crazy when I realize that it has affected me so deeply.  I was irritated when a dear friend of mine called me a skinny minny yesterday.  I don't feel skinny right now, as I have about 10 lb around my middle that wasn't there at the beginning of the summer. So, I am thinking that just because I am so much smaller than I used to be she is just seeing that and not as I actually am.........................................


RECORD SCRATCH

OK, seriously.  So many things here- I won't go into it, I think you get the drift.  I have lost a lot,  remain in the healthy/normal weight area, I have worked out enough that I am strong and pretty fit (always the qualifiers, I know), so here I learned a mini lesson.

I am seeing some unwanted ideas behind my dissatisfaction with myself right now.  I do not look like the thin young person that might be at the gym next to me.  I might not lift as heavy as the middle age person across the gym.  I do not do the same workouts as my fitness friends elsewhere in the US.  So therefore, I am not doing something well enough.  a **ding ding** moment.  We can pay all the lipservice we want to be stating that we should not compare ourselves to others, but yet, it happens all the time.  Whether it is the slight panic of not being good enough or the slight sense of self satisfaction that we are doing better than someone else.  CRITICAL THINKING is needed here.

So, if I have gained some weight- a couple things:

Did I get too thin for my body to hang onto that weight? 
 Hmmm, maybe a little.

Am I eating poorly or something?  
Well, I know that I have a few downfalls that I can over indulge in that probably made my intake/output be skewed.  I am going to address the excess of certain things in my diet by cutting them back, but not eliminating things that I truly enjoy.

Is my health being negatively affected?
Um no.  I can still bench 150 on a sore chest and I walked 6.8 miles yesterday and felt great.  Only stiff knees from my session with deadlifts and squats.  I can live with that.

Maintenance is even harder if you allow yourself to be side tracked.  You revert to old eating habits to cope with your feelings of inadequacy.  You self soothe with food when you are stressed out by life and old issues raise their ugly heads.  You sort of have to resolve these things before you can be at peace with yourself. And so I have been thinking about things that affect me and am trying to discover what other little bits of pain are hiding in my brain.  As long as I don't regain that weight- the knee hurting, back wrenching, heart wrecking weight I used to have, I will be a success in my mind.  I will!

Lesson learned here- watch out for these little reactions that have no real basis in reality!!!  Reality is not what the media portrays.  Reality lives in each of us.  Thinking that we are never thin enough, or young enough, or our faces unlined enough or back buff enough is not especially helpful.  Well, the buff back is never enough!  :)  I will strive to become the strongest, fittest, HEALTHIEST, vegetarian Badass that I can be (thank you Nia Shanks)  for my health and for my own strength and quality of life-- but not because the people online or in magazines or on TV tell me to be!  We need to all be healthy and strong- not thin and young.  BIG DIFFERENCE THERE!!!!!

And only then will we all find our joy that is inside us!

Soe tore and other oddities: a return to running

Mad conversation with self this morning:

Oh man am I tired.  Why the heck was I going to run again??  I am sure I should wait until tomorrow, I walked 7 miles yesterday, for crying out loud.

Oh for heavens sakes, quit whining.  You have that 5K run next weekend and you need to get a little running in so Sarah Jane doesn't have to carry you across the finish line.

Fine.

I suppose the horse needs to be fed first- alright, let's do that - then head out.

OW!  Hey my soe is tore.

WHAT did you just say???  Really?  Your soe is TORE???? THAT is something you say out loud wrong, you don't THINK that in your brain before it comes out of your mouth!!!!  Good lord, if you hadn't been just whining like a baby, you'd be going back to bed.

Oh shut up and let's get this over with.  I can't help it my soe, er, uh, my toe is sore.

Now you know!  Lol.  Seriously, who makes that sort of mixup in their brain before even saying it out loud.   

This morning I had to get a run in- in anticipation of the 5K and obstacle course thing I am doing next Saturday.  As some of you know and some may or may not know, I had a little knee issue recently.  MUCH to my dismay.  So I eased way off of everything involving knees in anticipation of the canoe trip and of course the resulting loss of fitness for running was highly discouraging.  I ran part of the Evergreen Road Run last weekend, then did one more run this past week.  a SLLLLOOOOOWWWW one, but still.  And so I wanted to get an interval session in today and then I will do one more interval session before Wednesday so I can rest the knee before the race on Saturday.  

MY BRAIN is ready to regroup and return to running.  My cardio fitness is getting there, thanks to a lot of walking this week.  My legs are not quite as confident as my brain wants them to be.  

On the road with Debi

What I found disturbing was how quickly I lost my cardio fitness!!  My heartbeat was way faster this past week when I was running than just a month ago when I had to lay off for a while.  UGH.  That is rotten!  All the work I did to get to that point.  But I am finding it is coming back pretty quickly, so that is good.

I was also distressed with how quickly my quad muscles lost strength!  I avoided most quad work whilst babying my knee, and I can feel it.  At least I am starting to regain some of the mass now.  A little of the definition is beginning to show again.  

Yikes!

Of course I felt pretty wiped after the whole thing, but it was a good feeling.  No soreness in my knee.  I iced it for good measure, so it will not decide to act up on me.  I can feel my edge returning, and I am going to attempt to go slow when adding mileage.  No more adding over a mile onto my runs once a week!  I do not want to go through that again.  Game face is on people!!!

Idk if you can see it, or if you want to, but there is a big ole blister on my middle (s)toe.  And that sucker hurts!  At least my pedi still looks good!

MAD-MARATHONER FRIEND!!!

On a more positive note, and just a bit on the random side, but why should this be different than any other day, I have a new playlist to run with!  THANK you to my good friend Samara, the mad-marathon buddy!!! She is my hero and role model!!

Seems like nap is a good idea, now, don't you think??

Until next time, be a joy giver and find some inner peace!  No arguing meow! ;)