The door on which we have been knocking all our lives will open at last.
C. S. Lewis
That particular moment of change was the culmination of many factors, not the least being that two of my very best friends and colleagues were going to be retiring- the Mad-science teacher, Laurie and my buddy, the band teacher, Pat. I had a hard time imagining my life next year without them- especially mornings with coffee without Laurie. But I was working on that visualization, and was settling in to it. Then the school calendar came out and teachers have to report in 2 plus weeks before school begins.... which is ridiculous. And my former idea of 3 years out before retirement became one year. Then a situation arose and I decided on the spur of the moment I was done. It was a traumatic event in many ways (for me only) ... then I had a couple of conversations at school- I was crying (this is how I handle stress- what can I say?) and they were talking me down, and then I had lunch with the MA and Laurie, and they told me exactly why I could and should indeed be done. I believe I was told that someone was glad they wouldn't have to listen to me complain about meetings- staff and otherwise- any more... hmpf. But he has a very valid point. There was no reason of any sort to keep me working in an increasingly difficult situation.
Fortunately those are two very calming people in my life who coached me through the initial decision- even though I had really already made it. But I needed their words and validation and steadying influence that day. Then another person very close to me continued (and still does- YOU'RE DONE) to offer words of calm reflection, advice and support.... I have a few of those people in my life and I am SO grateful. And then I have my dear Mad-Missouri friend who tells me how much I am going to love it.
The next few days were a rollercoaster of giddy relief and teary regret. I have never ever doubted I made the correct decision, I just wish I didn't feel like I was deserting my kids. Especially the HS kids. It took a full month of being on the edge of breakdown to talk about it without crying. I sometimes still do- I love my job. But it isn't the job I took when I began this career.
This winter was hard- between my mom and being sick with influenza for a LONG time, and a few other personal things and the freaking weather that kept me cooped up- it was very difficult. And of course tax season REALLY sucked this year, people. The retirement decision did not make me a more stable individual either. Lol. But I am feeling better all the time, and I, once again, am redefining my life and heading in directions that I NEVER thought I would be going in.
There is a lot more that can be said, and I will in subsequent blog posts.... I have many related topics. And I have a couple celebratory vacations coming up too- and you will have to stay tuned to what happens next. I have a few things up my sleeve..... Including my very own retirement party! Like I said- topics to be covered soon.
I have been posting a bunch of oddities on Facebook and Instagram, definitely helping me come to terms with this- the whole Wroger and Wrachel craziness, but the ceiling tiles and the senior pictures and the Eagles are giving me so much joy. The memories come flooding back and I have been getting messages from so many students of the past. I love talking and reconnecting with them- I hope to see them soon- Might have to arrange a Flambeau-rama meet-up time or something?
Anyway- I have also been taking photos (like that is a surprise)- so the above photo is for attention only. Well, maybe not- that picture and the quote are very, very apropos. Which is of course why I chose it.
So much joy has come out of some serious heartache- and as I take on this next adventure- you can be sure I will be taking pictures and making art, probably writing as well... and who knows what else. Change is challenging, but the best things in life are hard won, waited for and anticipated and sometimes they come out of the blue- you HAVE to recognize them when they appear so you can embrace them and get the most joy possible.