Saturday, February 28, 2015

My gifts from the universe

This was going to be a whole different post- but things have rolled around in my mind this morning, fueled by excitement and a whole cup of coffee that was consumed in about 3 minutes!

I am headed to Bayfield today and I am so excited.  Excited by the trip, getting to my summer stomping grounds, driving the ice road (EEEEEEEEEEK) and the prospect of  normalcy. I do not want to say EVER TODAY- oh my arm hurts.  I plan to just do.  Do what I can and do what I want.  Be active, be outdoors, be free from my couch.  I can hardly wait.

So this brings me to gifts- there are a lot of them.  Did you know the universe gives you things at just the right time if you are open to it?  If you decide that you do not have to be what anyone or everyone thinks you should be and let most inner self be- amazing things happen.  This is what I am choosing to believe.

First gift is understanding how much I love to move and be outside.  While I am dying to get back to a gym, seriously I can hardly stand not going, I must be outside.  I am meant to be walking and hiking and snowshoeing and gardening and all the things that I have made part of my life- always or in the last few years.  I have put on some pounds from sitting around and making myself feel better with macaroni and cheese with chocolate for dessert- and guess what.  I'm fine with that.  I will undoubtedly take it off starting today when my activity level can start to improve.

Second gift, related to that last part,  ultimately if you are happy with yourself as a person, make peace with some demons from the past, come to terms with the fact that you are a kick-ass human whether you weigh 15 pounds more or less than last year- that weight JUST. DOESN'T. MATTER.  I have divested myself of blogs and pinterest boards and facebook pages that imply that I am not good because I do not look like ___________.  Fill in with whatever fucked up image that the media wants to insert.  UP THEIRS. I am not a project and I do not need fixing thank you very much.  People think (Lol, mostly my students) I am awesome just the way I am. People like me because I am a happy lunatic!  And I think its a lot of fun. Thank you universe for this lesson and the opportunities and situations that have surfaced because I was ready to have them. Health is everything and weight is beside the point.

Related, I have totally stopped with this crazy ass food obsession that everyone else seems to be so into  now.  Other than being vegetarian, which suits me perfectly- I realized when I was going through all this (I covered a lot of subjects with myself) that I have no desire to become carnivore in any way. I do not mind making meat for my family, even though I won't and never have actually touched it too much. Lol.  But all that clean this and gluten free that and rules and organic and blah blah blah- eat good food most of the time and don't think about that crap.  You should not spend 3/4 of your waking life thinking about food.  There is too much other stuff to do.  But  you know- I have chosen that path, you all can do what you want, because eyes on our own plates, man!

Next, I have to be vague about this because it is not my place to discuss it- but we really do need to practice compassion.  A person I know is going through something big that they are not willing to talk about. It is a complex situation.  I want to say something about karma, but I realize that really we do not know what path a person is walking down.  We do not know what is really going on inside them, and maybe the most difficult people in our lives need us to be understanding the most. Never saw that one coming.

So as I am ready to get up and get moving with camera equipment, yak trax, snow shoe poles, boots, scarves, mittens, and coffee money, I want to remember to truly be aware and in the moment here.  There is no place for food obsession or judging other people harshly or other negative crap that comes my way.  Well except for people who drive slow and they cannot be tolerated!  :)  I am so anxious to get going, so I will!  My adventure buddy will be ready and I am taking pictures - LOTS of pictures, and probably a selfie or 5!!!

Have a wonderful, joyful day, my friends.  Drown out all the noise and be true to yourself.  THAT is the way to be a true joy giver.  XO

Friday, February 27, 2015

Oh YaY! Friday!

I really am not a person to wish away my week.  Let me edit that to say, I do wish away Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, but only when I'm perched looking towards an afternoon of noise- I am fine when I am in the midst of it.  I had someone state at a class this past summer, in the midst of my Lymes disease fog, that each day of the week, collectively,  is 1/7th of your life.  So enjoy every single one of those days.  So, as I don't feel negatively about Mondays (I like them!), I don't pine for Friday either.  I  REALLY like Friday, as I get to eat with grownups, I have a good productive prep time and we all wear more casual attire.  Yay for jeans and boots!!  But it is really another day in the rhythm of my week.

 Anyway, I am SO HAPPY today is Friday. This has been my first full week back and I am a wreck this morning.  (If any of you know what I had for dinner last night, let me tell you that wine and cheesecake has little to do with how I feel, so there!!  ;))  My arms are very stiff and I think could be a little swollen.  I woke up a badillion times last night, my weirdo feet went from freezing to sweating about 5 times and all in all I am NOT well rested.  Washing my hair was uncomfortable, and I am just a little off.  If any of my siblings read this- this is not an opening for responses, Lol.

Compounding the issue of a typical week, of course is that we are working afterschool I have been doing scenery with the kids for the musical.  We have a good start, but I enumerated the things we still have to do and my right eye started to twitch.  If any of you need me next week, you will find me back stage.  I plan to bring food and water and basically hang out until someone pushes me out the back door to my car.  Cell service is dicey on the stage, so good luck with that.  I have a big week coming up AND I have to begin clay with my little ones.  I am thinking of how to get my clay set up so I don't have to lift the 50 lb boxes.  My mind is always working through things like this, no wonder I wake up distracted with sweaty feet.

I would have taken today off, but I have not seen my Friday elementary kids for 4 weeks, or maybe 5.  I can't figure it out myself right now..... since January 25 at any rate.  And since that is one of my favorite Elementary days, I just can't wait.  Fortunately, I have a custom of no stage painting on Fridays, we all need a break, and after a quick stop at the grocery (more freaking lifting, good grief) I am going to go home and dive under a blankie on the couch and sit in my little corner of the sectional.  and rest!!!

I have an adventure coming on Saturday, because indeed I don't heed the good advice that myself and every living person in my life would give me, as in: rest for the day.  NOPE  I am BUSTING OUT OF HERE, BABY!!!  If I don't get out and do something fun I will lose my mind.  And so I am, and you will find out about it on Sunday!  Or on facebook Saturday, depending on if you do that or not.

Anyway, here is to another day of joy and coffee and advil and kids and by the looks of it, SUN!!  I hope you find some joy in your day as well.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Catching Up: The Sleepy Edition

I realized it has been a while since I did a little update here- once school began, holy smokes have I been running from the beginning of the day to the end.  And there is no sign of slowing down!

As you can imagine, I have a lot of things to catch up on at school.  Being gone for 2 plus weeks has taken a toll on many different aspects of my job.  I REALLY need to take down displays and put new ones up, but that is the LAST thing on my mind right now.  I have to post progress reports by Friday, and that is the first thing that will need to be done. I am always playing catch up on my planning for lessons.  I have posted barely anything in the elementary, tho they get the majority of my prep time.... Oh boy.  Then there is the after school work I have been putting into prepping and painting scenery for the play.  I go home and kind of crash.

I see no sign of things slowing up for a few weeks, either.  I went to a class this past Friday/Saturday that I need to give some attention to soon.  I have a little homework that needs to be finished and submitted.  The class was a physical test of endurance, too.  I drove for just shy of 3 hours both Friday and Saturday.  My arms did surprisingly well.  But I had a little pillow to rest them on as I drove- that worked great.  The pillow was not as helpful when sitting in front of a table for extended periods of time. Something about that is just uncomfortable for me.  But there were frequent rest breaks and it was an upbeat way to spend some time and learned some very valuable things.

Over the past few weeks I have added many successes to my list of things I can do again.  This past Monday I added opening my own garage door and feeding the horse back on the list.  I am going to have to have the MA transfer the new feed bags into the bin for a while yet.  I can fairly easily deal with the heavy school door with keys and bags.  I can carry my groceries, if I double check to make sure they aren't too heavy, and if they are, I use two hands.  I can carry a can of paint with 2 hands as well, so yay for me.

I have also found a host of weirdo things that I cannot do, which I think I went into previously. I just discovered that cutting a microwaved burrito with a freaking fork has been added to that list just yesterday.  Color me irritated.

I specifically asked the doctor yesterday (appt. was in Park Falls- YAY) what and how I should be doing and thinking when I am going through my day.  Obviously if I have pain, I should not do something. The thing that I was wondering about, they thing I was wrongish about, is what about the plain discomfort - and for lack of a better word- pressure that I feel when I do some things that are pushing the boundaries, or just trying to eat lunch?  It's a big old back-off-a-bit-Debi for that situation.  I thought that trying to increase my strength by pushing the boundaries a little would be a good thing, but I have been instructed to WAIT  until the discomfort is gone.  About another 2 weeks.

To say this is exasperating is an understatement, but I will do the good thing for me and be aware.  I have found many ways around the discomfort by adjusting the way I do things, and that will have to do for now.  I also have a exercise, so to speak, that I can do a few times a day to stretch all the necessary parts in my arms.  Range of motion is where it is at baby.

IN two weeks I have another appointment including x-rays, yay for me I guess, and we will see if all those little cracks and smushes have fixed themselves.  Meanwhile I will live within my limitations, and actively seek ways to work around them.  By mid-week here, I am beginning to feel the fatigue of my profession and not falling asleep until late last night didn't help much in that regard.  But that is my own fault!  :)  One more cup of coffee and I will me on my way.  Bright eyed and all that.....  or at least  upright and mobile.  I have come to the conclusion, just this second, that I am looking forward to a time where I can get attention for the things that I can and do do, and not for what I can't do.  In the coming 6 weeks I have a play to attend to and at least 2 art shows to put up.  I am not liking looking at the limitations that might slow me down.  Sh*t's getting real here, to put it in the pop culture vernacular.

So, I have to get myself up and going- see what the day brings, embrace what ever comes.  And I have awesome get away plans for this Saturday, so while I am not wishing away my time, I do have an adventure in the works.  and it is about freaking time!!

Until next time, embrace your joys, the expected and unexpected....the planned and unplanned.  And then pass some of it along to others.  You never know when someone is going to need it.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

late day, long week, getting better

OH my goodness, this was my first week of full days and my lil self is TIRED, folks!

So what has happened the last few days? Basically last week I did half days and no after-school because I was toast after only a half day.  Friday I stayed HOME and rested, which I totally needed, and then I had of course, Saturday and Sunday.  Monday was an inservice that I attended, and then this week I have been at school all day and then after school for scenery.

I have had good progress in many ways.  I can put on my own socks, I am much more comfortable driving.  I can bring the phone to my ear and not have to have it on speaker.  All sorts of good things!  I was utterly fried on Tuesday, but Wednesday and tonight isn't quite so intense.  Well, not so far, but sleepy is coming.

This has been an interesting journey.  I have had a few introspective things come up over the past few days.  First of all, I believe I have alluded to the fact I have been battling the whole time the feeling that I am fake hurt. That, sure there is xray evidence of these elbow things, but if I would just suck it up and get going, I'd be fine.  This is something I feel every day.  I felt like I should deflect all conversation away from myself, because for some reason I did not deserve any attention for this.  I am not sure where this all comes from.  Is it the way that I was raised?  Is it a cultural expectation that women (or men for that matter) should not be held down for more than a short time by anything. That if you are affected than you must not be trying hard enough.  It has sort of bothered me and haunted me.  I'm sure Jo, the lady at school who procures substitutes,  would have appreciated me just saying that I was only coming back to school for the mornings that third week. That full days were going to just be too much. Would have helped her, I am sure.  I felt a bit depressed about the whole thing, as this inner struggle would nudge me frequently during the day and make me feel guilty and sad about sitting around.  Maybe that was a way my brain had to wrestle me down and keep me still.  I really don't like being still all day.

With the definite victories,  there are weird things I found that bother me- like stapling,  or say, folding paper  and pressing paper folds- like when one is folding origami swans and frogs during inservices.  I'm finding ways to work around those kinds of limitations, and using those benchmarks to understand where you are in your journey back to strength.

Speaking of strength, I will be having another checkup with the orthopedic doctor next Tuesday, I have to imagine I will be cut loose after that.  I am really doing fine, I will get some advice about retraining and getting my  muscles back!

I know I had a few other things I was going to say, but the sleepies are with me.  I am feeling the effects of the day and so I will begin my nightly winding down.  I hope that you found a big share of joy today, and take the time tomorrow to give some away!

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Short escape from a temporary trap

I had a real feeling of being trapped today.  Trapped in the house, trapped by winter, trapped by my inability to do much of anything.  POOOOOOR Debi, right?

The thing is that I am feeling pretty normal for the most part most of the time.  I can do a little of this and that.  I can walk around, climb the stairs, do some stuff.  Then doing the simplest things makes me remember that I am unable.  Trying to put on lotion after a shower, scrape cake batter out of a bowl, scoop horse feed out of the bag.  It is demoralizing.  I still have little hand strength to be able to press down especially.  Makes slicing from a loaf of bread (a really good sourdough, mind you) almost impossible.

Hence, trapped.  I'm sick of HGTV, sick of playing any sort of game on Facebook and tired of sitting with myself and feeling somewhat useless. I am missing my activity, my walking, and snow-shoeing, and being able to take pictures beyond the safety of the deck.  I sort of am just getting to the point now of thinking seriously about where I am going to do some cardio.  I don't feel like I can chance falling again, so for the time being I am not going to walk on the road.  For now.
round bales

The wind has died down today, and so even though it was in the single digits, it felt sort of nice!  I went out this afternoon to feed old Jacpot, and saw something down on the trail.  I had my little camera with me because I knew that I needed to do something creative, even if it was to take a few pix of the round bails out past the horse's paddock. ANYTHING would be great.  So as I am wont to do, I started off down the trail snapping a pic here and there and venturing farther down the road. The something was merely a branch that had fallen off a tree.   It felt SO good to be out walking.  I got down the path to the corner and stopped and listened.  Listened to the birds and the cars in the distance and the sounds of the woods.  Listened to the noises that I haven't heard for 3 weeks.  Noises that made me feel grounded and happy.

mouse tracks
Then I noticed as I turned around, that I had seriously cold fingers as I set off without gloves or a hat.  If I had those I would have gone a lot farther.  Like probably to the cabin.  But since my brain is still set back in January, with the darkness falling at 4:45 instead of 5:30, I didn't think I really had time either.  Strange little things that alter your sense of reality and time.

On a really good note, I got to FaceTime with Ella and Jon and Sarah tonight.  She is such a funny little girl!  She has a good time entertaining her Gramma and Papa!

Tomorrow begins a new week of school.  Fortunately we have inservice, so I have another day of arm rest.  Then I have 3 full days of teaching with 3 days of play scenery painting after school.  It will be tiring I am sure, but I need to have my life back!

Hopefully your tomorrow will bring you some joy!  Stay safe and happy!

Saturday, February 14, 2015

No BATB and other things

I'm sitting here wondering why my Aleve hasn't kicked in yet, but oh well, I'm pressing on.  

So the Book Across the Bay was doomed from the start, as the Mad-English teacher and I had a twitter discussion about the fact that there is no WAY we would be doing that thing this year.  NUH -UH!!!  TOOOOO cold and windy- the wind would have been the deal breaker.  It was cold last year and breezy, but this year its out of control.  So, oh well.  We will be BACK!  And for those who DO the BATB, you are warriors and I hope y'all don't get frost bite!

I have been emerging from my self-centered haze and realize that I did NOT send Valentines cards to my children and grandbabies.  Sadface.  That totally bums me out, I understand that sending a card does not make me the best grandma/mother in the entire world, but I was planning it and I spaced it.  I was even taken out on a road trip or two and I SAW VALENTINE CARDS AND I STILL DIDN'T CONNECT THE DOTS.  Oy.  I think I remember my mom sending things to the kids when they were little and it was so much fun to get that package.  Of course one time when we were waiting for a package to come, a certain child of mine **coughgregcough** fell off a little rocking chair and knock out his toofer.  Ah yes- the early walker and early teether experienced early injury...  Oh well.  He lived and thrived.  Lol

Anyway, I had a minor couple victories in the last day or so.  While making a burger for the MA (was it last night??)  I noticed a definite lack of pain while i was smashing that thing down with a spatula (I don't ever touch meat- ew).  This, to me, was a significant sign of healing for that crack in the right arm.  #FTW!!!  Then this morning I woke up with both of my arms tucked in under my chin- which is a usual position for them- importantly the left one was not stretched out setting on a pillow like Cinderella's glass slipper. YAY!!  It does still bother me quite a lot, but this was notable!  I like having tiny little victories like that.

So big news, I am going to the grocery store all by my lonesome today.  My lovely friend Luann went and picked up the heavy things for me on Thursday, so today I am going to get a few more things that won't weigh a million pounds.  Big victory.  And then Valentines lunch out.  If it wasn't for the grocery store trip, I would TOTALLY stay home, as it is nasty icky cold out there.  

Anyway, I hope all of you have a lovely Valentines Day with someone who really matters to you. The with part is a whole lot more important than anything else.  If not with them today, very very soon!  And I hope it brings you so much joy.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Taking it slow

My mind has finally caught up to, or in this case maybe slowed down for, my body and I have given into the fact that I will not be putting full days plus after school time this week.  It just isn't going to happen.  After my exhausting day Monday, I have cut myself back to mornings only this week, and since there is only a half day on Friday, I will be gone that day too.  Fortunately there is an inservice on Monday, so I will see how that goes.

There are all sorts of things that have made my arms hurt in the last few days, and I discover new and exciting things that involve the radial head ALL. THE. TIME. (Guess if I was able to use the apple slicer/corer thingie this afternoon!) (no)  I have mentioned this many times, I am most surprised by the lack of linear healing.  I could put on my socks this morning, but not pull the car door shut with my left arm. Yesterday I could do neither and the day before I could do both. Thank heaven for my HS kids who help me with school stuff - they are awesome.  I also have wonderful coworkers and my bosses are super supportive.  I think living in the north we all understand that these falls could happen literally anytime and to anyone of us- no matter how fit or athletic or graceful we are or are not.

This coming weekend is the Book Across the Bay and I am really bumming about that.  Even though the temperature is supposed to be really cold, I am not convinced I would not have been up there at 6pm on Feb. 14.  I see the updates on Facebook and I have all sorts of sad feels.  It was SUCH a fun time last year.  I saw people I hadn't seen in years, and the Mad-English Teacher and I had a blast.  And we made it back to town without falling asleep in the car or anything!!  Sigh.  So as the old clichĂ© goes- there is always next year.

So, I am quickly running out of steam here.  Typing gets to me after a while and I am just plain getting sleepy.  I like to wait up for the MA- it is that time of the year and he will not be home for an hour or so.  At least he came home for supper and was able to relax for an hour before he went back at it.

I need to remember how far I have come.  I can get (mostly) dressed by myself (tight socks are a wildcard), put on a coat, zip, open the car door and then (usually) close it, drive, sleep- kind of, feed myself (chocolate, anyone?), take a shower, feed the  horse and on and on and only 2.5 weeks ago I could do none of it.  So YAY!  THAT is something to be joyful about!

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

oh yeah, I'm still recovering...

Oh sigh.

SO many people have told me how much energy and time it takes to heal from a reportedly serious injury.....  and I realize it over and over.  Oy.  I'm sorry but I just don't think that this should be continuing on, I think 2 weeks is plenty of down time don't you??  Yeah, I know, 6 weeks, blah.

My arm and I had a little discussion just now.  I told it how it has had an entire afternoon of rest and it reminded me that I have little say in how good it feels.  I think it was being just a little lippy.  It is sort of owie right now.

Ok, update:  I went to school Monday, I was partially incoherent much of the day. Really- there were times I could not finish sentences.  I also felt on the verge of an emotional breakdown for reasons I can't really explain.  I made it through the morning and went on to the elementary and taught wildly changed and altered lessons to the little ones.  I have a nice prep time at the end of the day on Monday and I spent that time popping pills and trying to recover so I could go onto the  last segment of the day: beginning scenery preparation for the school play....

Shall I say that I had a little dinner and then did not move much for the next several hours.  AND I fell asleep at the end of Ellen's furniture design show, so I don't know who got kicked off.  DON'T TELL ME EITHER!  I'm going to find it this weekend and watch it again.  I was awake for a new series called "Better Call Saul" which is looking to be really good.  I need something to replace Boardwalk empire.

I actually woke up and felt pretty good, but I knew that 2 days was going to be too much, so I rested this afternoon.  Apparently this was a smart plan, as I can't imagine what I'd feel like after 3 straight hours more of teaching.  I really really thought I would bounce back you guys.  I never in a million years expected to have to have periodic recovery periods. Ach.

Well tomorrow I will be hopping back into it, including after school scenery painting.  Hopefully it will be a little easier than Monday.

I live a boring life these days.  LOL.

I hope that you all have found yourself a little bit of joy today- mine was walking through the lunchroom today and I had a chorus of greetings from some very cute 3rd graders.  Made me smile SUPER big!

Sleep well and dream big everyone!  :)

Monday, February 9, 2015

Back at it

The day is here, I am finally going to head back to work!  As you can imagine, I am a bit conflicted about this, but mostly it is a giant relief.  I'd most likely go insane if I had to stay home for another week.

First of all, the how am I feeling update.  I am getting better, but slowly.  Yesterday I went to school with an assistant (thanks Cathy!) to do a little bit of set up and to check out some yarn supplies.  I was able to fairly easily open up the school door myself (that sucker is heavy) and get around.  I was not easily able to reach most of the things I needed in the elementary school art room, particularly.  I will have to really be planning my needs in advance.

I feel fine this morning.  As usual it takes about 5 minutes of typing and my left arms starts to ache.  My ankle will be fine until about noon, I am not sure about the stamina of my right arm.....  but I can't sit at home today.

I have pumped myself full of caffeine, so I will have my edge.  I have prepped by taking one bag of stuff to school yesterday, the only thing I have to do is have the MA open the garage door for me.  I think.  I really do not know how I will do physically today, which is why I am a little uneasy.  But I know I will have a nice welcome back from the kids, because my subs have said how much the kids all miss me.

I have all my things laid out and ready to go.  I just have to finish assembling lunch and get dressed.  I still need to gather my courage and my determination and pick up my joy on the way out of the house.

Saturday, February 7, 2015

And so it goes, slowly

Some of you might be tired of this, but on the other hand, I assume if you are tired of these updates, y'all aren't reading them!  :)  So there is that.  I am continuing this line of blogging, so I can update a whole bunch of peeps at one time.  Makes sense I think!

Regardless, I am a little on the frustrated side today.  After one comfortable night a few nights ago, I have had a lot of waking up.  Not exactly sure why, but could be because I have not been sitting around and not doing NOTHING.  I can't believe that I shouldn't be doing some activity to start getting mobility and flexibility.  And I was basically told that I could do what I wanted as long as I am not making myself hurt a lot.  Hard balance to strike.

I would love NOTHING more than to go for a nice long walk outside, but I frankly am a little afraid.  If I fall, that will be a potential problem.  And there is ice EVERY where here.  So annoying.

I do need to get to school for a little while tomorrow, so I can see if I have enough white and black yarn to start a project with my 4th and 5th graders.  I just will need someone to come with me.....  So, I have to figure out who I have taken advantage of least and doesn't mind standing on a chair or two.

So I have such a big day planned- HAHAHAHA- I am going with to pick up horse feed- I will in no way be involved in the picking up, go to lunch, then possibly wash a few dishes and I should start practicing my Italian again too.  Hopefully that hasn't all gone away.  I will make a stab at making some roasted veggies and then rest my arms.  Big plans!

Today I might have to work a little harder at finding my joy!  But I will find a way to do it.

Friday, February 6, 2015

Return to life, but the Lite version

Having never broken a bone before, I was not aware at the willful lack of linear healing and relief that is at work here.  I mean seriously, if I was feeling a lot better yesterday, does it not stand to reason that I should feel at the MINIMUM as well as before???  TELL me that this isn't a totally reasonable expectation!!!

Be that as it may, I went to the dr. yesterday and had xrays.  Overall, this was a good thing. Especially the part where I went to another Health food store, the grocery store and out to lunch at the ever awesome Island CafĂ©.

Ah X-Rays, you are my hero and the bane of my existence.  They hurt like mad and they irritated my arms.  BOOOO  However, I can go back to work on Monday, with some limitations for a while.  So that is good.  I have loads and loads of advice coming at me from many directions, and I will see what happens.  I can't not go to school.  AND I MUST start the play sets.  So, off we will go.  I did figure out some alternative plans for the elementary (putting off clay for a week or two- not just the lifting, it is the issue of manipulating the clay) and will probably go for a test drive today to pick up some dowels for my Plan B for the 4th and 5th grade.  I think I need someone to help me out on Sunday afternoon or morning to drag out the yarn for this, so I may be calling.  Just not sure who to call yet.

So, that mysterious left arm does not have an obvious crack, instead the xray shows that it got smushed down.  I know that is a pretty technical term, but it is true.  You can see below where the right hand radial head has a nice curve down and the one on the left has a weird mushroom cap?  Yeah, that thing is the smush.  Read: fracture of the smushed sort.  AND just for an added moment of excitement, you can look above the smushroom cap almost to the top, there is a little notch.  That little bastard hurts too.

So as if the day didn't actually go super well- I had some visitors who came bearing pizza and wine. Some of my awesome and amazing friends who happen to be colleagues came and entertained me with tales of life.  So nice of them!!!

Fast forward to last night and I could NOT sleep very well.  Things hurt, heart decided to beat fast (could have been the wine!), mind kept spinning.  ugh.

I can do pretty much whatever I can tolerate- but that isn't as much as I thought.  The grip strength and squeeze ability and range of motion is a bit of a problem.  So the beta version of art teaching seems to be on the screen right now.

Today, I have done several small tasks, gentle tasks, so don't get all worked up.  And my arm is toast.  So, it is time for me to rest.  I think I will sit and look at my newest bouquet of flowers, I am constantly astonished at this.  I LOVE flowers, unabashedly, totally and completely.

They, like so so SO many of you  have given me an immeasurable amount of joy!

Thursday, February 5, 2015

FINALLY some progress

Yesterday was a tough day for me.  Even though I tried to talk my way through it, I was going insane.  I was bored, I was restless, I needed to DO something.  So therefore, books and movies and tv were not cutting it.  Say what you want, but in this situation it was not pleasant to be forced into a state of inaction.  My arms hurt mostly all day and I was just unhappy.  And though I tried to nap, it doesn't work very well for  me.

Fast forward to evening and I went to bed before 10 pm- again.  NOT typical for me at all.  First thing I noticed when I laid down is that my arms were not aching when I positioned my them
for sleep.  Until last night, sleeping was far more painful than being up.  It was such a relief!  While I woke up quite often, as I do anyway, I did not have to take ibu at 3 or 4 in the am.  YES!!!!

Adding to my good mood is I get out of the house again.  X-rays, dr. appt, lunch out with my good friend who is driving me!  So happy!!  I will be very interested to hear what the dr. has to say and what my next steps are.

And another day of sun is welcome, because it appears we are back to clouds and snow tomorrow.

Carry on with all of your joy-giving activities!  :)

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Trapped in my world, for now

Ok, this isn't really about feeling sorry for myself---  well, just for a minute or two, but actually I was thinking of sometimes you get what you think you want and THEN you find out what a warped sense of humor life really has.  For instance, what could be BETTER than to not be sick and get to stay home from work for a week or two- yeah, not what you thought would happen.

It really is the simple things in life that are truly worth appreciating

  • dressing yourself
  • putting lotion on your hands
  • changing the toilet paper roll
  • washing your hands!
  • closing the car door
  • and then fastening your own seatbelt
  • scratching your own back, and btw, your nose and eyelid as well
  • drinking your morning coffee without benefit of a straw
  • opening a bowl with your dinner in it
  • opening a door
  • moving your pillow without sitting up
  • washing dishes
  • zipping your coat
  • putting on your coat
  • not to mention driving, grocery shopping, feeding your pets, doing your job!

Today I feel like my world is indeed very small.  I can take care of myself, but I can't do what I would do ordinarily if I was mostly healthy and home.  There is no way I can leave the house by myself, as I can't risk falling on the ice.  I have food made, but I can not cut up hard vegetables because I can't press down well on a knife. So no real cooking for me.  I can put some things away, but I can only wash the lightest dishes.  This is not fun.  My idea of a good time is not sitting around and watching tv.  I will read and I will work on this blog post, but because I HAVE to do things like this, and not get out and be active, I really am not wanting to.

So instead of feeling sorry for myself, I am going to sink into what I can do.  After I let my arms rest, I will do some photo editing and show you my Lola/winter pictures that I took a while ago.  Because I realize that life is full of choices and options and sometimes, limitations.

When I do get back to school, I will have a lot of catching up.  I will have to begin working on scenery for the play.  My days will suddenly become very long.  What will I do?  I will do what I can- I will ask for help and I will not give up.  I will stay and work hard on my school things, but I will honor my body and quit when I have to rest.  I will have everyone help me when I can't lift something and I will not be stupid about it.  However, I will NOT give up. THIS situation will not result in any more than a temporary slow down.  I will not allow this event to make things seem less possible.

Maybe this is a bit melodramatic, self-centered or whiny.  But what did I learn?

 First of all, I know that this was an accident of the purest kind. I won't "blame" myself and have not ever been angry with me,  and I will not feel guilt, or embarrassment or sheepishness over it.  I was being careful and that is it.  You could spend your whole life trying to protect yourself at all costs and then you corral yourself into a smaller and smaller world.  I don't freaking think so.

Next, seriously, you would NOT believe how much you use and depend upon your radius, not to mention your ulna in your day to day life.  Take some time right now (DO IT) and thank your body for giving you so much possibility, if you can't do that you should take a moment to worship your healthy radial head.  :)  and then thank the other one!!

Friends are amazing and awesome and wonderful and they come out of their own lives to offer their assistance, give you food, flowers, rides and all sorts of wonderful messages of encouragement. Amazing.  Just amazing.

My family - my kids and my sister in specific- of course were fast to respond in the ways that they could.  My kids sent flowers, which they knew I would LOVE, my sister came to help, Mikey feeds the horse and does errands when I ask, and it is nice to know that any one of them would have come running if I needed them.

This was taken about 20 minutes before "the fall"

And then there is the MA, who has with good humor and amazing patience been a rockstar.  He will talk to me when he knows I need it, he will not talk when he knows I can't take another word.  He has slept on the couch when he knows I need the extra room to thrash around and has washed the dishes more in the last 10 days than in the previous 34 years!  Lol!!  Thank heaven for him, or I would be up the creek without the canoe and the paddle.  He now knows how to make coffee, where the dish cloths are and finally can truly make scrambled eggs without having everything stick to the pan.

I have found that the proverbial "counting my blessings" is a really authentic way to understand the good that life gives us.  Things are never perfect, but if you look for the things that are worthwhile, suddenly life doesn't seem so small and restricted.  I think it is called finding your joy!

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

An Outing!

Today is a big day for me!  I get to get OUT of this house.

I actually have a dermatology appt.- I probably have to have a precancerous blah blah blah frozen off my nose. Haven't had to have that done for 2 years, so yay.  WEAR YOUR SUNSCREEN, PEOPLE!  This is probably from my childhood when there was no such thing as sunscreen.  I always do now when I am going to be outside for my walks and such.  ANYWAY, because I am being driven there by my good friend, Cat, we are going to make a few quick stops.  Like Kohls so I can get a few easy on and off tshirts, and the Health Food store in Rhinelander for a few little things.  Then LUNCH OUT!!

I of course will be exhausted when I am done, but it will be totally worth it.  I will bring a pillow to rest my arms in the car and Ibuprofen!  It will be good to be gone from school while that lovely little mark on my nose heals up.  lol  However I do use it as my soap box to preach my sunscreen message.

I slept like crap last night, my left arm was not happy with me. And I really didn't do much that would set that off, so I am going to say it is healing.  HA  I have no idea if that is a true equation or not, but lots of people like to say that, so positive vibes.

That is about it for me.  I am going to start getting ready to go  because it takes a while!

Have a spiffy day and find some joy whatever you are going to be doing!

Monday, February 2, 2015

One week better

Just a quick update-

Turns out that my arms are getting tired super fast today.  Range of motion is way better, tho!

1. While I can't actually wash my own hair yet, I can use the flat iron and clumsily take down the Lion Queen hair.  SCORE

2.  Range of motion is way better, yet can't put on more than one sock.

3. Strength of hands is way better, yet I could only write 1.5 thank you notes. Writing is oddly taxing.

4. Ankle feels better today, but I had wise advice to keep ibu and water in bedroom and I took it at 4am  Better sleep #ftw

5. I am so grateful to all my friends and my sister for all the help, but it is nice to be relaxing here alone.  I can do enough to care for myself!  But I have lots of phone #s which can be dialed!

6.  I am exhausted from the few things I did do, so I am going to now sit and read the script for the next school play.  Good use of my time!  :)

7. I was able to scratch my photography itch a bit this morning and took a pic of the sunrise.  YAY!  -10 did not keep me in the house for  that 30 seconds!  :)  (insert evil laugh)

8. I am so HAPPY that I was able to get into school yesterday and supervise my dear seester setting up for the week.  It made me feel better to see all was over all well.  And I have 2 awesome subs who are taking good care of them.  I see over 300 children a week of various ages, so it is a daunting task to sub for me.

I cannot thank every one enough for all the nice cards, flowers, messages, emails, visits and other silliness that went on.  It is so nice!  And it makes me feel wonderful and gives me joy.

Keep up the good work of spreading joy to many others while I am stuck here!  Have you accomplished your joygiver quota yet?  Get going!  :)

Hugs and smooches everyone

Sunday, February 1, 2015

Early morning musing

6 A.M. 

It is 6 in the morning and you would think that someone who has broken multiple things would be sleeping.  Well those things nudge her awake about 4 am and then insist on being upright by 5:30. The MA and I have done our little morning kitchen dance where I pretend I can make coffee and he actually does it for me.  Now, I have him finish up the nights' sleep in the bed and I wait for my ibuprofen to kick in.

At 6 in the AM I know exactly where the breaks and bone bruises are because they hurt like a sonofabitch, pardon my language.  I can barely grasp how something that doesn't seem like it should cause pain issues, like a bone, can give you such discomfort.  Radial head fractures have given me a whole new respect for bones.  I will pay closer attention to anatomy class when I am eating lunch!  (I eat lunch in the science office while my amazing friend the Mad-Science teacher teaches anatomy next door and I love listening to her class.  LOVE IT)  (I really like science, as you might guess)

I will say I have amazing friends, who are literally falling over themselves wanting to help me out.  It is mind-blowing and so touching.  I have had company and food and flowers and love pouring into my house, and then my sister arrived and THAT has been the best thing ever.  AND THEN there are a couple of my far away friends who have kept me entertained and amused and seriously are the best people ever.  They have no NO idea how much they have helped me keep my sanity and my sense of humor.

Last Saturday I unknowingly prepared for a week of being less than able to do stuff.  I had the laundry done, house straightened up, a BUNCH of food for myself and for Fred made, I had picked up a lot of groceries  because I had run out of a lot of things.....  So really I was in good shape.  Until yesterday, when my sister cooked with me.  I sort of bossed her around and she did what I asked and now we have some food again for the week.  Or at least a good part of it.  THAT was when I started feeling strange.  As in out of control and sort of helpless.  Through the week, I just had various friends and Fred warm things up for me.  I was still feeling in control or prepared or something. Yesterday I had to tell Rose what to do- and that was freaking weird. I was in the kitchen with her a long time, until I had to eventually sit down and ice my ankle (who decided to act up) and my elbows.  So I sat there while she cleaned my kitchen and finished supper. She is awesome!  I don't feel I can describe very well the odd feeling it was sitting there with my feet up, wrapped in a blanket watching her put my dishes away.  Yeah-

Anyway, I know there are those of you who want to say, let yourself heal, and I do get it.  I know for a fact this morning (where yesterday I wasn't convinced) that I do need to be home for another week.  I do know I couldn't do what I do at school.  And I have a feeling I am going to have to rearrange my lessons for the little kids, since I am not sure I can deal with 25 lb bags of clay. Hmmm.  Well I will cross that bridge a week from today.  At any rate, even if I have to be patient, I am still fighting it in my mind.  So I will let that happen, I just have to do it at my own speed.

Anyway, according to my little calendar in the corner of my Mac here it became February over night! Holy smokes!  No wonder the MA has been at work so much!  I know I know, I kid.

Anyway, I have sort of talked myself out of a funk here, so yay!  Off to Sunday, I am going to get driven into school so I can have my Seester set out some art supplies for the subs for the week and I can leave love notes for my kids at school and then put that part of my mind at ease.

So everyone, today be a joy giver, really watch out on the ice if that is part of your world and Happy Sunday!