Sunday, February 15, 2015

Short escape from a temporary trap

I had a real feeling of being trapped today.  Trapped in the house, trapped by winter, trapped by my inability to do much of anything.  POOOOOOR Debi, right?

The thing is that I am feeling pretty normal for the most part most of the time.  I can do a little of this and that.  I can walk around, climb the stairs, do some stuff.  Then doing the simplest things makes me remember that I am unable.  Trying to put on lotion after a shower, scrape cake batter out of a bowl, scoop horse feed out of the bag.  It is demoralizing.  I still have little hand strength to be able to press down especially.  Makes slicing from a loaf of bread (a really good sourdough, mind you) almost impossible.

Hence, trapped.  I'm sick of HGTV, sick of playing any sort of game on Facebook and tired of sitting with myself and feeling somewhat useless. I am missing my activity, my walking, and snow-shoeing, and being able to take pictures beyond the safety of the deck.  I sort of am just getting to the point now of thinking seriously about where I am going to do some cardio.  I don't feel like I can chance falling again, so for the time being I am not going to walk on the road.  For now.
round bales

The wind has died down today, and so even though it was in the single digits, it felt sort of nice!  I went out this afternoon to feed old Jacpot, and saw something down on the trail.  I had my little camera with me because I knew that I needed to do something creative, even if it was to take a few pix of the round bails out past the horse's paddock. ANYTHING would be great.  So as I am wont to do, I started off down the trail snapping a pic here and there and venturing farther down the road. The something was merely a branch that had fallen off a tree.   It felt SO good to be out walking.  I got down the path to the corner and stopped and listened.  Listened to the birds and the cars in the distance and the sounds of the woods.  Listened to the noises that I haven't heard for 3 weeks.  Noises that made me feel grounded and happy.

mouse tracks
Then I noticed as I turned around, that I had seriously cold fingers as I set off without gloves or a hat.  If I had those I would have gone a lot farther.  Like probably to the cabin.  But since my brain is still set back in January, with the darkness falling at 4:45 instead of 5:30, I didn't think I really had time either.  Strange little things that alter your sense of reality and time.

On a really good note, I got to FaceTime with Ella and Jon and Sarah tonight.  She is such a funny little girl!  She has a good time entertaining her Gramma and Papa!

Tomorrow begins a new week of school.  Fortunately we have inservice, so I have another day of arm rest.  Then I have 3 full days of teaching with 3 days of play scenery painting after school.  It will be tiring I am sure, but I need to have my life back!

Hopefully your tomorrow will bring you some joy!  Stay safe and happy!

1 comment:

  1. Find some way to do cardio, Deb! It was something very important in my recovery. (I do not advising walking outside, though!)