Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Quick hit catchup


Yeah I am feeling obnoxious this morning, and what in the world am I doing up at 5 am- well you guessed it by now!!  IT'S ANOTHER KAYAK DAY!!!!!  WHHHHHHOOOOOOPPPPP!!

Ok, now that I got that out of my system...  so this will be a no photo post, as I have not yet developed ooops edited my photos.  When I am tired like this, that is actually the word that popped to my mind, so out it came.  A quick list of fun things, or maybe not quite as fun, since I last said hello.  Or maybe they will all be fun, who the hell knows about me.  Hmmmmmm, well let's see:

1.  I went on a KILLER kayak session the day before my birthday, like I actually got wet from the waves, windy and wavy day kayak session.  I may post more about this.

2.  I had a FANTASTIC birthday!  Began the day with Ella and Jon and Sarah, went and walked around a little downtown, relaxed, eventually had dinner out with the entire family, so finished off with Ella and little Greggy!!


4. I did almost nothing yesterday to recover from having company for 7 straight days.

5.  Got to Bayfield last week and got sunburned in the clouds (takes a special kind of talent and a special sort of pale!)

6. YOU GUYS!!! I cried like 4 times on my birthday from all the amazing messages, texts, phone calls, and over 150 facebook (and twitter- yes from some of my twitter friends!) Happy Birthdays!  I am a sentimental sap, I know, but I don't care. This is why I love my birthday.  And it was sunny.

7. I finally got to the gym again yesterday and I feel it today! (awesome stuff)

8. Parade on Sunday was fine, and I saw a bunch of my students...... and they are excited for school....  I am glad I have 3 weeks left.....

9.  Unfortunately, sort of, I can feel my brain start to shift.  I am beginning to feel school creeping in to my brain.

10. SOMEONE remind me to call School Specialty when I get home from kayaking- I need my order from them!  yeesh.

11. Oh yeah, we had a fire in the fire ring on my birthday, too.

12.  Well, I gave myself 15 minutes, which was only briefly interrupted for a quick coffee run.  And meow I have to get going.  I am picking up the Mad-English teacher in a half hour and I am still in my robe.  :)

Have yourself a joyful day everyone!

psssst: we are headed to a REALLY big lake today!  :D

Friday, July 31, 2015

YAY!!! It's July 31!

SO, it is my birthday!!!  And it has been delightful so far- I have children and grandchildren, texts, phone calls, facebook messages galore!  You all have no idea how much I appreciate it and get such pleasure for such simple things.  It seriously is  big part of my day.

It is sunny and it is cool and breezy.  I don't have anything planned beyond dinner tonight with a possible margarita sighting to come.

I want to thank all of you my wonderful and amazing friends and family- how special you make my life and my day today.  And yesterday.  And I imagine coming up here for the rest of the weekend, and indeed the rest of the year.  The things I have done and experienced in the last year have surprised me and I love it.  Some things I would not have chosen, but there was a lot of good that came out of the bad.  Joy comes in all sorts of unexpected ways....

And meow for the requisite grandchild pix!  :)

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Thursday morning musings

Well one more day of birthday month is coming up - after today I guess.  Somehow I feel like my birthday is like a little separate entity unto itself....  I hesitate to say it's own "month" but should have its own page on my calendar!  :D

Anyway, I am trying to rustle up some enthusiasm for the day.  I have had a lovely couple days with my sister and niece, we have done some really nice things and it has been spectacular to spend some unexpected time with them.  I had today planned for a week or so, and I will be kayaking with a friend who I hadn't seen in a year!  My friend Jen who I constantly channel when I am paddling.  I always imagine myself kayaking like her, relaxed, calm, and not working too hard to accomplish what needs to be done- and by that I mean she never looks like she is expending unnecessary energy.  If this sounds negative at all, I don't mean it that way.  I think she is the zen master of kayak!!

I am a tired girl today.  I have not been sleeping the best, and I have not been getting the "cardio" that I am used to and that actually wears on me quite a bit.  Basically, I have worn myself to a frazzle and I am feeling the effects.  I need a vacation from myself I think.

Today has some promise of surprises  as well as some great friends sharing their thoughts as we paddle on a lake.  Sounds like a restaurant stop will happen for lunch- paddle up dining anyone?  This is cool beyond belief.   

The next few days will also be a whirlwind of company, and Ella, and Flambeaurama and cooking and hopefully a lot of family time.  I hope it doesn't rain Sunday, as the big parade will be going on as well.  

So I hope I didn't sound ungrateful or spoiled or something, but it is not my most happy morning today.  But hey, it is my birthday month and my blog and I can whine a little if I want to!  :)

So I am going to have a little more coffee and get ready for the day and wait for surprises and for Ella and the Mad-first son and his lovely Sarah and anything else that the day throws at me...

And it is sure to be a joy!

Monday, July 27, 2015

MUCH higher hopes for this Friday! :)

Guys, I realized this morning how I got freaking gyped out of my birthday last year!!  I had forgotten no, blotted, hmmmmm no, scrubbed and bleached the memory right out of my mind.  But I was reminded of it this morning and I had an aha moment.  This is the synopsis of that particular week- I am glad that I wrote it down, because I hadn't remembered the chain of events a bit.  Stupid Lymes.

Anyway, this year I will have company on my birthday! The Mad-Oldest son and his lovely Sarah-Grace and Ella will be coming for the local celebration:  Flambeau-rama!  And to visit us and also to attend his class reunion.  The number of which I do not care to think about.  So that is pretty awesome, and of course the mad-middle son and his lovely Sarah and lil Greg are up here now.  And then the elusive Mike.....  Apparently we are all going out to eat on Friday as well.  So yay for me I guess.  As an added bonus my seester-Rose and her Emily are on their way here and the fact that it is just before my birthday makes things even better!

And I am going to be very VERY selfish and say that no one and NOTHING had  better dull my sparkle this year!  HAHA.  Actually I am so happy to know that I will see almost all of my close friends in the next week or two.  I love that my birthday visits and lunches and trips go on for a while after the actual day, because it would be too hard to get quality time with everyone.  Having my kids around will be so awesome, as that doesn't happen all that much.  And talking to and spending time with my friends here is just so special.  Summer is the best time to connect and enjoy people that I either don't see often or spend time with at school, and that is usually not too relaxing!  But that is what it is.

So many people lately have wanted to imply that my summer is going fast and that I must be regretful/sad/panicky.  But no, that is not the case this year and I am not going to push it along.  I have a lot of time left in my summer.  Have I mentioned this before?  If I have, sorry.  If you find yourself asking a teacher that, then may I ask you to not do that.  We have a very keen radar that knows exactly how much time is left before school starts.  Some people, like me, totally shut that radar down until sometime in mid-August.  I prefer to live in the moment and these moments are for continuing my quest for health and strength and relaxation and renewal.... and other aspects of life that will remain unmentioned I guess.

So, I will head out and finish up my preparations for company.  I hope you have a fabulous week!  I am going to give it my best shot personally.  :)

And that will be a joy!

Saturday, July 25, 2015

5 years ago and my needle scratch moment

I have very much been enjoying the Memories aspect of Facebook these days.  I guess summer is so full of activity and joy that it has been quite a hoot to relive the last few years.

But talk about a needle scratch yesterday when I came across a former profile pic of myself.  And my flinching reaction to it absolutely defies everything that I now believe and how I live my life.



These are not before and after.  I am not a work in progress, or a project and neither are you!  We are on a journey 

Between these two photos there has been a long journey.  LOOOONG journey, and it has only been 5 years. This first photo was taken in the summer of 2010, about 6 months before I couldn't take my deteriorating health and began my stint with Loseit and losing weight.  Between now and that day, I started using the Loseit app, started walking regularly, ate less, walked a lot more, ate EVEN less, began weight lifting, stopped drinking soda, gave up eating Doritos, became a VEGETARIAN!!  (never regretted that!) started running, hurt my knee and stopped running, began training for a canoe trip, became stronger and ate even less, but upped my protein, canoed and camped, became a gym rat (which I am going back to), starved myself and broke down over eating one morsel more than I thought I should, hit goal weight, did not stay at goal weight.....  so stressed over weight, but still had to eat, began looking for something else.  Found body acceptance bloggers, got a life coach, quit weighing myself, looked for a way to live and not think about food every god damn minute, found it! Did a LOT of work on myself and while I have my days, I am way better off.  In SPITE of the fact that I lost a lot of my strength from the Lymes bout last August and the flipping broken elbows in January.

I HATE that I reacted that way yesterday.  I have not totally accepted myself, apparently, but I am working on it.  I go out in public in shorts, though I do not weight my "goal weight" and I NEVER EVER would have done that 5 years ago. This morning I had a moment with my tummy, but I shrugged and said, eh, I look fine and went on with my day.  But then I remembered that reaction yesterday, so I am blogging about it and working out my feelings today.

My lovely coach has helped me understand that we are subjected to thousands of daily images that tell us that we are not good enough, that these photo-shopped people are how we are "supposed" to look.  Our eyes and psyches are filled with this propaganda and we have a hard time feeling that we are worthy, even though we are the same wonderful people as we were before.  Now from a health standpoint, I can not argue I am not way better off than I was before.  I am not zero medications.  NO high blood pressure, or high cholesterol, or hormones, or sleeping pills or what have you....  I take ibuprofen because I tend to over do it.  :)  I do not have heart palpitations anymore, nor heartburn, nor this weird thing with my stomach, nor any of the other ailments that besieged me.  I can walk 5 miles without thinking about it, I recently biked 30 miles and all of you know how I feel about a good long kayak session!!  These daily joyful activities have helped me maintain the fitness level that I achieved when I was starving myself and over training.  But now I don't freak out if I miss a day, and I don't punish myself with exercise if I have a cookie- or cake- or icecream or whatever.  I treat food as food now.  I don't glorify it nor demonize it.  Even if I do still like to take pictures of it sometimes, but that is me and a camera!

People still try to talk to me about food and diet in the traditional way, but they find that my story has changed.  I try to tell them now to just relax and don't think about it so much.  If you make things illegal or off limits, you KNOW you will be filling  your face with it by weeks' end.  But I don't want to preach.  Taking that power AWAY from the food is the place to start.  And then the hard part comes, figuring out what it is that makes you want to soothe yourself, or stimulate yourself or comfort yourself with the food.  That is the part that causes some major discomfort.  Makes you cry.  Has you filling out notebook after notebook of writings that examine what it is that makes you sad, or lonely or what you are missing in your life.  AND when you rid yourself of constant attention to food and exercise and health and all that, you have so much time to do other things!  This seems simplistic but WOW! You can begin practicing your piano and learn Italian and obsessively kayak or talk about kayaking or planning to kayak....  or insert the word hike there too.  Because all of those things are just vehicles to photography...  ;)

I do not regret my time on Loseit and dieting, because it led to the place that I am in right now. I feel so bad for some of the people I know who worry and worry about what they are eating/ate and over pounds that just don't need to be addressed. Who CARES what other people think, you have to do what is right for you, even if it doesn't fit into society's wish to shrink females down to nothing. #bemorenotless

It just does no good to be upset about the past, as it can be instructive for your future.  But I am SO glad that I do not worry about my "weight" anymore. I want to maintain where I am right now, basically, because I love my clothes!  Haha!  However, if I gained, I would buy some cool new clothes and rock on.  And then maybe try to decipher why I am eating more- what is it that I am trying to avoid or comfort myself about.  The biggest aha for me is truly understanding that my weight will fluctuate through the year and it is OK.  It is not a given that if you gain or lose that you will always do that.  And mostly that I am still ok, no matter what my body does, because it lets me do what I want to do.   Because I remain me.  And I love the adventurous person I have become, a really more authentic me.  I feel right.  Except I want my muscles back.  And I am going to go get them!  Because that is ok too.

And that will be a joy!

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Trips of a lifetime..

Yesterday on Facebook, as usual, the memories from that day in years gone by popped up and low and behold- 3 years ago I was heading out to the Boundary Waters for that amazing canoe trip with my sister and niece and 3 other people who became my friends. Coincidentally, I was actually discussing that exact trip earlier in the day, so I was a little surprised to see it come up on my news feed.  That friend must have ESP, or else it is simply the right time of the year for thinking about it..... or it might merely be coincidental, like I said.  I prefer the whole ESP theory, that sounds much more fun and mysterious.....

It got me thinking about that trip, which indeed was one of my trips of a lifetime.  I did LOVE my trips to Florida and New York with the band/choir kids those three times,  I really did enjoy that whole thing.  I don't mind crowds, I loved being driven around and not worrying about transportation too much, and I enjoyed traveling with the kids, too.  Being a chaperone is a bit stressful at times, but it definitely had it's perks.  You will have to ask me in person about the perks.  HA!  But, as fun and exciting as they were, they are not in my top trips.

My college trips to Chicago and New York almost are in the top, and at one time would have been considered such.  They were brand new experiences and they were certainly exciting times where we did silly and somewhat stupid things.  I saw a tremendous amount of art, did a lot of walking and public transportation and partook in a little night life, but there wasn't a lot of depth to it, except of course for the art, which has stuck with me a long long time.

Those trips were easy.  I didn't have to think about much at all.  The meaningful adventures are the ones that have taken me so far out of my comfort zone that I couldn't see it while standing on a mountain.  The BW adventure absolutely did that.  I had trained for that canoe trip, worked darn hard at the gym to build my strength to be able to canoe like a champ.  I bought camping supplies for myself- a proclaimed motel camper.  I never have liked sleeping on the ground, and yet there I was!  I pushed through all of that. Of course one of the hardest and easiest things was to give up my phone for a week.  Though there were times I wanted to text someone to tell them something I saw or did, I really did not have a hard time not being connected.

My other trip of a lifetime, as you can imagine, is my Colorado trip.  Talk about lack of a comfort zone.  Flying.  Renting a car and driving around in a totally unfamiliar area and knew almost no one in the vicinity. Hiking mountains, experiencing the altitude, finding things to do that fit into a very wide range, that had to be close enough to drive to in an hour or so..... had to jam all the living into that 3 plus days that we could.  Experiencing those posted signs warning of what to do when you encounter rattlesnakes (eeeeeeeeeek- get the hell away from them) and mountain lions (if all else fails, fight back! yikes!).  All sorts of things that you notice and think about and pack away for future use.

These two trips were challenging in their own ways but brought the most spectacular rewards.  Of course the photography was outstanding, but transporting said photography equipment was something to deal with, as well as toting around all the gear that was needed for each.  The BW trip began my sojourn into more active and physical activities and adventures.  It is a journey I do not regret in any way.  I am tempted to say things like I wish I had sooner begun participating in the more active lifestyle that I have now, but I do not know that I could have.  I had not yet made that personal journey towards losing weight and gaining fitness, which later translated into eating and exercising in a way that enhances the life that I choose to live.  I had not yet discovered that I am indeed a brave person, and indeed an athletic person- I had yet to have others point it out to me.  I was not ready to see it.

But training at the gym and in a canoe gave me the confidence to take the trip.  Having my sister with me, who is very brave in my estimation, was also both comforting and energizing!  Not to mention being with my lovely niece, who rocked that trip like no body's business.  She was quite inspiring in her own 12  year old way.  Same thing with my Colorado week- I had someone who was just as excited as I was about this trip and is just as willing to push forward and try new things.

I booked a tour with my sister to Italy for next summer- through school, but I am decidedly not going as a chaperone.  I knew I needed to get on an airplane before I was on one for 10 plus hours.  I am so glad I did, it was so much fun, and I was grateful to have such a calm traveling partner.  Signing up for that trip was a HUGE step for me.  To go over seas, to fly, to enter a world where I won't know most of the language being spoken (though I am going to learn some basics) was just so frightening and so exhilarating!!   You know that this will be another one of the trips I will add to my lifetime favorite adventures.

Meanwhile, I continue to seek out new things or variations on a theme of things I love to do.  I find life is so much more satisfying if you step out of the safety of your own house and life occasionally.  It has made the summer go slow, and has made it so fulfilling.  Life has turned in some interesting ways lately- ha to say the least - and there really is so much good to find instead of focusing on the negative.  If you are open to it, amazing things can happen even if you are pushed in a different direction than you thought you needed to go.

Keeping your eyes open and your mind free of "shoulds and shouldn'ts" is a sure way to find the authentic people and joys in your life.

Sunday, July 19, 2015

No internet, kayaking and why I should be sleeping - but am not

It's 10:45 right meow. And I should be sleeping. I have to follow my school schedule tomorrow morning as I am picking up the mad-English teacher EARLY and we are headed north to take a paddle up on the big lake. We want to be there early so we won't have to abandon our plans because of wind and waves. Our mamas didn't raise no idiots!!

The kayaks are loaded on the car and we have our stuff packed. Just have to pick up my passenger in the am after a quick breakfast and coffee at home. Another adventure awaits! Yay!

Saturday (of course) I woke up and there was no internet here. I was without earlier in the week and it miraculously reappeared, but this time it did not. In fact the nice Centurylink lady on the phone said that my line had multiple problems. 

It doesn't seem logical to be happy at that stated news, but it was kind exciting. It meant that they knew something was wrong and how to fixit!!  With the number of mysterious outages I've had over the last few years, it was like a breath of fresh air. So hooray!! The technician is coming sometime after noon on Tuesday.  And I don't even have to change my pedi appt as she assured me he would be there a while. The gleeful clapping that I had the urge to perform seemed wrong (not to mention strange), so I held my excitement in.... About the fact that some work will be done and things will be fixed. I'm pretty happy to be getting a pedi too. I might spring for a mani if she has time after! :) 

Being without the internet sort of throws off my day. I can find everything I need using my phone but even though my phone is a nice big size, it's small!! Sheesh. I want my Mac back!! 

 I think I might possibly be getting sleepy enough to put the phone down and close my eyes. I just set a reminder to find my little camera, which it seems I'd  never forget that but obviously I did. Almost. Sort of. Duh!

So off to dreamland before I begin another day of summer adventure and joy