Thursday, March 20, 2014

Mid March update

I have been at school- 

that is about all.

The weather has been yucky (I don't want to complain about it, but I certainly could), I have been putting the finishing touches on the scenery for the play and now managing the back stage element and tonight we go on.

Unless you work in a school, you do not understand the odd dynamics of March.  The 3rd quarter has the fewest days off (this year there have been a couple), the grey and cold weather, the TOUGH parts of learning is upon us, and everyone gets twitchy and tired and cranky and to put it bluntly, students are known to do stupid things at the time of the year.  The little kids went for almost 3 weeks without being able to get outside for recess because of the below zero temps or wind chill- during the day!  Frequent acute viruses run rampant through the buildings, and many children and adults alike, seems to reach a point of feeling just a bit hopeless.  We are all sort of rallying the troops and circling the wagons (how many metaphors can I use without it being awkward here?? LOL) and just getting through the month.  It is hard to describe the atmosphere, but it is there and it is a time that has to be constantly monitored and extra emotional support needs to be given- daily, frequently and liberally.

Personally, while I took pictures of the wonderful visit by the first Oswald son and Sarah to visit since Christmas, I haven't had time to download yet.  I haven't been lucky enough to see any great sunsets.  I haven't even been able to get to the gym!!!  SOB.  So, yeah, it has been a time of getting by and getting through it and try to enjoy what is in front of you and not sit around and miss what we don't have..... like grass and warmth and birds and daffodils.  And there is that little demon known as tax season.

And so I am keeping my eye on the prize- more free time coming soon, the end of the third quarter in a week, another Oswald son and his Sarah coming soon (along with that little bonus that comes with them!), and a nice trip OUT OF TOWN that will be welcome!!  And I'm pretty sure that the MA will be home a lot more in just under a month, too.  I'm feeling the need for a driver for a photo shoot or two!!

Anyway, enough of that.  Tonight is the  first performance of our school musical and it is a SWEET little play.  Funny, fun, and lot so great dancing and really enjoyable music.  This cast of kids is so great, what a fun, sweet and kind group they are.  It is has been a pleasure to work backstage with them.  Time to don the black clothes and on with the show!

And that really does give me joy!

Sunday, March 9, 2014

So, what are you waiting for?

So what are you waiting for?
Isn't it amazing how many variations of theme this statement could have?

It could be a challenge.  It could a question of object.  It could be a question of who.  It could be a question of action or inaction.  It could be rhetorical or it could be objective.

At this time of the year, MANY of us have a common want that we are waiting for, but there are so many possibilities.  Here are a few that spring to mind

Spring- well duh.  Spring holds so much promise after the bleak hopelessness waiting of winter.  We are waiting for the snow to melt, for the weather to get warmer, for our flipflops to be appropriate footwear choices....  we want to see the green grass- heck any sign of grass, no matter what the color- and buds on the trees.  We want to have flowers, and bugs (oy, do I have to include the mosquitos and deer flies?), and gravel in our driveways and the cacophony of birds' and animals' calls.  Spring is that proverbial time of birth and renewal and growing and spring break-- oh yeah, we all need spring break of some sort.  And we really need Lola to be free of her snow prison!!

People- I personally am waiting to see my people.  My kids, my grandchild, my mom and my siblings who I haven't seen in a long time.  We wait for the mailman, the UPS guy, or the snowplow driver.  We wait for people to get here and we are waiting sometimes for them to just leave.  I have lately thought about people I haven't seen in a while and then they show up in the grocery store! We wait for calls and messages and texts, we are surprised when we get so many and then are sad when we hear from no one and sometimes we are annoyed that people are bothering us and relieved when there is no communication at all.  Finding new people, retaining our best people in life and sometimes others move or slip out of sight- all part of our flow.

Birth- Some of you may know that I am waiting for my next grandchild- and that will be happening fairly soon.  This is the best kind of anticipation, fraught with hope, anxiety, joy, and wondering.  Some of the hardest waiting that needs to be done.  Birth of our babies, our pets, the animals of our world - even the plants and seed we nurture, are surely treasures that need some extra attention.

Death- unfortunately this is a cloud that looms...  our elderly parents and grandparents, our friends and neighbors of all ages, all the living things in our life are in "danger" of following this natural completion of life.  I will say that every morning I look out to see if Jac is still standing and every evening I search to see his head stretching over the paddock gate.  My Jacpot is an old boy and one day in the not too distant future his sweet hay scented breath will be gone.

Perfection- Perfection in life, weight, diet, exercise, money, housing, car, clothing and the list can go on and on, many people are looking for any of these at any given time.  A constant bombardment from outside and from within give us the idea that we are just waiting for a time when perfection will be ours.  Our GOAL WEIGHT is what we need to be at, but wait, maybe we can just lose 5 more and then we will actually be thin enough.  Our DIET is needing to be perfect everyday and if it is not, then we surely will die well before our time, or we will not be as healthy as we should be, or we may not have the energy to do the exercise that we MUST do perfectly.  Every day. I'm pretty sure it is written on our foreheads if this is not done properly and perfectly.   We need to have enough money to have that perfect house, car and clothing to show to the outside world that we can look just like those people on the internet or act just like the people on tv, or be just like the folks down the road who appear to have a marvelous, perfect life, who really don't at all.  If we wait for the lottery to be won, or our proverbial ship to come in, or that goal weight to be achieved or if we can just run a 10 k then we will be of that proper fitness level to live a perfect life, well then, that is just what needs to be done.

Of course, intellectually we all know that there is no perfect.  But those sorts of images and ideas are shoved into our faces daily.  Some people don't pay attention to that at all, and I wish I was one of them, indeed I am trying to be.  Some of us are visual people and there are others who zealously strive to do well in all aspects of our life (ahem, overachiever types pay attention) may have a hard time dealing with all that propaganda.  Those ideas that infiltrate your head when you are not looking, you pay too much attention material things that we may or may not need. Things that seem like really good idea at the time evolve into something that is more than a bit passé or not helpful anymore.  Goals are outdated, and need revising.  Sometimes you have to come up with your own plan, something that works for you and not for the rest of the world. There is no authority in this life that says things are right or wrong in how you choose to spend your time and live your life (no matter what someone on the internet says). Turns out there is NO ONE BEST WAY to do anything.  There is your way though, and that is your best way.

We have to learn to enjoy the wait, because it turns out that waiting is a metaphor for life, as I see it. Raise your hand if you couldn't wait to become old enough to stay up past 8, to get your drivers license, to be old enough to drink, to graduate, to get that job, to be married and have kids (or not).  We are always wishing our life away to the next thing.  That is something we all do, and yet it would be so nice to live more in the moment.  Really enjoy what you are doing now, even if it is not what you are "supposed" to be doing.  This is hard to do and is something I used to do more!  I used to just take a day and do what I wanted, now it seems I fill my time with supposed to dos.  I am supposed to be out walking, though it is stupidly cold out, when they promised me warm.  I should be upstairs finishing cleaning years of collected stuff, but wow does that get old.  I should be reading something, or cooking something or in some way accomplishing something that needs to be done.  Push through, just do it, go for your goals, yadda yadda yadda.  You  might not enjoy everything that you HAVE to do, but you should do things that you like.  Eat things that you like, and screw it if someone says you "shouldn't".  Be the person that you want to be, even if it isn't what someone else wants you to be.  In the end, you have to live with ...... YOU!

MAYBE we need to stop for a minute.  MAYBE we should be looking around and living our life as we have it right now.  Keep ourselves busy while we are waiting for the next thing- appreciating the things we have and the people we love and like, enjoying the body that you have right now, and the things that we can do at this time.  Talking to your favorite people, petting your favorite horse, cats and doggies, drawing the things you like, singing the songs you love, playing the games that make you shine.  And undoubtedly we need to begin enjoying this wait- because it seems that the journey is what it is all about.  You don't have to after all eat perfectly every day, or exercise the most awesome way that is possible, or have a perfect relationship with all the people around you or have the best and most of every material thing.  A very wise person reminded me that I am perfect just the way I am, because I am different and quirky and not perfect.  And so are all of you.  And we should find a whole lot of joy in that!

**I want you to know though this sounds somewhat mysterious or multi-meaning, there is no major tear in the fabric of my life.  I'm really doing ok- this waiting thing has been coming at me from many angles lately and I wanted to explore my thoughts.  I hope you can find some good in this exploration!  smooches.