Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Trapped in my world, for now

Ok, this isn't really about feeling sorry for myself---  well, just for a minute or two, but actually I was thinking of sometimes you get what you think you want and THEN you find out what a warped sense of humor life really has.  For instance, what could be BETTER than to not be sick and get to stay home from work for a week or two- yeah, not what you thought would happen.

It really is the simple things in life that are truly worth appreciating

  • dressing yourself
  • putting lotion on your hands
  • changing the toilet paper roll
  • washing your hands!
  • closing the car door
  • and then fastening your own seatbelt
  • scratching your own back, and btw, your nose and eyelid as well
  • drinking your morning coffee without benefit of a straw
  • opening a bowl with your dinner in it
  • opening a door
  • moving your pillow without sitting up
  • washing dishes
  • zipping your coat
  • putting on your coat
  • not to mention driving, grocery shopping, feeding your pets, doing your job!

Today I feel like my world is indeed very small.  I can take care of myself, but I can't do what I would do ordinarily if I was mostly healthy and home.  There is no way I can leave the house by myself, as I can't risk falling on the ice.  I have food made, but I can not cut up hard vegetables because I can't press down well on a knife. So no real cooking for me.  I can put some things away, but I can only wash the lightest dishes.  This is not fun.  My idea of a good time is not sitting around and watching tv.  I will read and I will work on this blog post, but because I HAVE to do things like this, and not get out and be active, I really am not wanting to.

So instead of feeling sorry for myself, I am going to sink into what I can do.  After I let my arms rest, I will do some photo editing and show you my Lola/winter pictures that I took a while ago.  Because I realize that life is full of choices and options and sometimes, limitations.

When I do get back to school, I will have a lot of catching up.  I will have to begin working on scenery for the play.  My days will suddenly become very long.  What will I do?  I will do what I can- I will ask for help and I will not give up.  I will stay and work hard on my school things, but I will honor my body and quit when I have to rest.  I will have everyone help me when I can't lift something and I will not be stupid about it.  However, I will NOT give up. THIS situation will not result in any more than a temporary slow down.  I will not allow this event to make things seem less possible.

Maybe this is a bit melodramatic, self-centered or whiny.  But what did I learn?

 First of all, I know that this was an accident of the purest kind. I won't "blame" myself and have not ever been angry with me,  and I will not feel guilt, or embarrassment or sheepishness over it.  I was being careful and that is it.  You could spend your whole life trying to protect yourself at all costs and then you corral yourself into a smaller and smaller world.  I don't freaking think so.

Next, seriously, you would NOT believe how much you use and depend upon your radius, not to mention your ulna in your day to day life.  Take some time right now (DO IT) and thank your body for giving you so much possibility, if you can't do that you should take a moment to worship your healthy radial head.  :)  and then thank the other one!!

Friends are amazing and awesome and wonderful and they come out of their own lives to offer their assistance, give you food, flowers, rides and all sorts of wonderful messages of encouragement. Amazing.  Just amazing.

My family - my kids and my sister in specific- of course were fast to respond in the ways that they could.  My kids sent flowers, which they knew I would LOVE, my sister came to help, Mikey feeds the horse and does errands when I ask, and it is nice to know that any one of them would have come running if I needed them.

This was taken about 20 minutes before "the fall"

And then there is the MA, who has with good humor and amazing patience been a rockstar.  He will talk to me when he knows I need it, he will not talk when he knows I can't take another word.  He has slept on the couch when he knows I need the extra room to thrash around and has washed the dishes more in the last 10 days than in the previous 34 years!  Lol!!  Thank heaven for him, or I would be up the creek without the canoe and the paddle.  He now knows how to make coffee, where the dish cloths are and finally can truly make scrambled eggs without having everything stick to the pan.

I have found that the proverbial "counting my blessings" is a really authentic way to understand the good that life gives us.  Things are never perfect, but if you look for the things that are worthwhile, suddenly life doesn't seem so small and restricted.  I think it is called finding your joy!


  1. Oh, I know only too well where you are coming from, and that icky world-shrinking feeling. I try to focus on my strengths, every day. I try to stay in touch with what my body is really saying. Is it a sore muscle or a sore bone, or is it a muscle complaining because it hasn't been moved that way lately? I try to not go to sleep because I ache, because I can't really sleep well when I do. As for the scratch and itch thing-- how about one of those cute little bamboo back scratchers that are about 18" long with the tiny hand? Your fingers are probably more dexterous than the angle of the olecranon allows. And, it is a good time to learn all those voice activated features Siri and OK Google keep bragging about! Sounds like you will also be participating in the Master's Level Delegation class during play rehearsal. How good are your descriptive words. How well can you break up big projects into little, easily managed steps? And, can you follow up?

    There is an expression about either you use your brain or you use your feet, I am sure there is a corollary with the arms and brain, too. Hang in there! At least you have nothing dislocated, nor did you require surgery! Thank goodness for small miracles!

    1. Thanks again for the support! I am way better than I was, I can itch those scratches and all. It was just a suffocating feeling this morning, and just plain old going slightly nutty this afternoon.
      I have been doing the play so long, that I have already made plans for it all a few days ago. Just have to physically get there and have the kids handy! Which reminds me, I need to have them show up after school next Monday.
      I have a dr. appt. tomorrow and I will see when I can start my rehab and how much pain I get to push through to accomplish what I need to accomplish!