I was super hesitant to step on the scale today. I was so hungry yesterday and there was temptation everywhere. I wish you got "credit" for all the foods you don't eat. Like all the butter you have left off your toast, for the saying "no hashbrowns" when in reality they are your favorite thing in the world (almost) to eat, for the coffee and creamer that you didn't have...... for eating only 3 pieces of fudge and a cookie when the tray in the front room for the hunters has your favorite kinds. (Because you are stupid enough to pick up 3 pounds of cookies at the cookie walk.... but we won't go there) What else was there yesterday? Oh, there was the free snacks at the craft faire, there was my favorite jar of soy nut butter in the cupboard, there is my secret stash of chocolate...... there is stuff EVERYWHERE to eat.
Then we went out to eat with friends and I caved and had wine. I was planning water, but I just couldn't stop myself when I found out they had Riesling. And it was a pretty good Riesling I must say, and so when one has only eaten 3 pieces of fudge, a cookie and 2 Clementines since 10:30, you can imagine the wine went straight to one's head! And yet I managed to make good food choices, because I am committed to getting this last couple pounds off. I am not sure how that happened! After my second glass of wine, I ordered alfredo with no meat and extra veggies and the sauce on the side!!! That was perfect, as I only ended up using about 2 tablespoons of it, well maybe a quarter cup. I was a little tipsy! I had just salad at the salad bar, just a little dressing, no creamy anything, because I am pretty sure there was meat in everything anyway. I gave away my garlic toast, and only ate about a third of the massive serving of pasta that they gave me. And NO one felt the need to comment on my lack of meat intake, finally. Not the visitors, not the MA, no one. Of course I had to hear the whole if she turns sideways she disappears thing, but that is fine. These visitor don't see me very often. And it is somewhat entertaining to hear that. And I really wanted a 3rd glass of wine, but knew that wasn't going to work very well. So when I got home I drank my weight in water!
So this morning, after knowing that I probably didn't record everything I ate yesterday, that the choices I made were not the BEST, that my sodium intake was undoubtedly higher than normal on account of the restaurant food, I was hesitant to step on the scale. As long as I was around 147 or 148 I was fine with that.
Imagine my surprise when I saw the number 146.4. I was sleepy...... what was my old number?? 146.6? 146.8????? Did I just lose .4 pounds????? OMG!!!!!!!!
I got to my 75 pound weight loss. That number was so significant to me. It is the symbol of doing something I NEVER imagined I could do when I began this journey. 75 was never part of my plans. 50 was a milestone and I had hoped I would reach it. The rest is just icing on the proverbial cake or extra chips in your cookie. When I reached my limit of being heavy 2 years ago, I clearly remember thinking that if I lost even 10 pounds I would be happy. Because 10 pounds would help my knees, would make me feel a little better, could improve my health- I read that many times! So I did that and that beginning few weeks was so hard. I remember the old Debi FIGHTING all the time. She wanted to continue eating like she had, though most of it was secret. Much of it was "healthy" food that was eaten in excess or "unhealthy" food that was eaten on the sly or in smaller quantities. She wanted to stay the same and she had to be told no! And she is a stubborn thing and still will pop up once in a while.
Recently the old Debi has been acting up. She has insisted on having 4 or 5 pieces of dark chocolate and increased her coffee intake to 4 cups plus creamer. She was eating nuts in the morning and Nutrigrain bars in the afternoon, and she can ferret out a cookie within a half mile! I spend a lot of time resisting those habitual wants, let me tell you. So with help from a loseit friend or two (thank you!!!!) I cut my calories WAY back recently in order to finish this trip. I was challenged to give up my vices, to only eat to my calorie budget for the day, to not eat back ANY exercise calories in order to be a success in my mind. In order for me to not be a quitter. To really achieve a goal that I didn't have a clue I would get to when i started. Sometimes it is better not to know what your final destination will be when you start, because it might be too over whelming.
I'm not quite there yet. I will not be told not to quibble over a pound plus. That it doesn't matter. It does matter to me. I have 1.2 pounds to go to get to 145- a pipe dream number. An amazing number to a non-number girl. A number that i never imagined I would see.
So on I go, I will be working on this last leg of my journey for the next week or so. And who knows what will come next! But it is sure to be joyful!
Tomorrow I will reweigh and will get my loseit 75 pound badge! And it will rock!
Until next time, be a joy giver!