Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Maintenance- phase 1: transition

Yeah, so I feel the need to post my ramblings here about my sort of schizophrenic journey as I change the way I have treated food for my entire life.  I do NOT want to drive my friends insane, so you all have the choice to not read this if you don't want to!  Lol.

Saturday and Sunday were difficult days for me, in that I went through this HUGE array of emotions and moments.  You know, sometimes I feel like I am watching myself go through these things - I am always amazed at what my brain will put me through.  I always am aware of myself reacting, over-reacting, enjoying, suffering, agonizing and such, and it makes me wonder if I would be better off with mood altering drugs!  HAHAHA........ as if I need to alter my mood any more than it already does from moment to moment.

Anyway, without going into the details, it was hard to begin to change my thought process to maintain my weight.  My whole life I have been trying NOT to maintain this weight.  In fact a major stress is that when I used to get anywhere NEAR where I wanted to be, I would gain again.  I never EVER had success keeping weight off, and the thing was that I seemed unable to stop myself from gaining. I felt powerless to stop the reversal of my work.  I came to this conclusion while thinking about how I had lost quite a bit of weight about 7 years ago, on a system that was offered through our local clinic.  It was on the right track of what I needed.  You went to a weekly meeting, you called the leader once during the week to tell them how many minutes of activity you had and how many fruits and vegs you consumed during the week to that point.  It was the accountability that I needed.  But I am a person who needs variety and needs adjustment as time goes on.  So the same system that served me well at first was static and did not really meet my personality needs after the first 5 or 6 months.  And the support system was not there everyday........ and you know sometimes you need more support than just on Monday afternoon at 4:30.  Thank HEAVEN for my iPhone and Loseit.com!!

So that is one thing I am thinking about as I enter this new phase.  I woke up today feeling much more calm and confident, which is a good.  I had a rocking great workout at the gym, plus a fun time dancing in the dark.  And what is really nice is that I am not starving this morning.  Plus I dropped another half pound without intending to at all!!  Huh.

I am sure I will torture myself further today, but at least I am starting off feeling confident in my ability to maintain today.  And we all know that everyday is different, every day is a new opportunity, every day brings it's own challenges and disappointments and success.

And every day we can find a little joy.

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