Alright, I am writing this to dislodge a whole bunch of angry and upset feelings, so if you don't want to be brought down- move along. I am really not sorry to say that, because it seems I either end up apologizing for my feelings or feeling bad about them. So, you've been warned
This is not a typical joyful post, because frankly people, I am not that way all the time. I am crabby occasionally, I am selfish at times and I allow myself to be hurt. I say allow because really, you have a choice to feel bad about things or not. So therefore, I am unreasonable and whiny and I occasionally indulge in pouting and self-pity. And this is starting off to be a pity post.
I will not indulge myself in a laundry list of complaints, because first of all, no one needs to know the specifics and seriously I don't need to be told how lucky I am that those are my worst problems, or some other line of bull.
Basically, I am tired today and I feel gypped out of a goodly section of my summer. I know that is the way life goes, tick bites happen and I was smart to be aware of what was happening and I acted on it the best I could. So I resent the 2 weeks of afternoons spent on a couch. Aside from that, I was ambushed by someone's anger, and it really was unreasonable. Though I freely admit and did admit and apologize for the mistake I made. However, it does not change the fact that I am again being taken advantage of because I do not enjoy conflict. So here I am the coward that I appear to be- writing my anger instead of verbalizing it. I do see the wisdom, though, of not addressing this right at this moment. I will wait until cooler heads prevail. I have had a few people take advantage of my good nature lately, and like adding stones to a bucket- the bucket gets full and over flows.
I know that I am having a tough time transitioning back into school mode, because God knows it isn't looking any easier this year than it was last. Anyone who think teachers have it easy is delusional. I do not say we have the toughest job in the world, but it is right up there. I feel the weight of the little bits of things starting to add up already and I haven't even opened up my room yet.
I wish I was a person that could deflect the monkeys that other people try to give me, and I am working on that. But I find myself trying to please people way too much. I found myself feeling badly about myself because I don't have the same taste in food that another person does. Why would it be a negative because my taste buds do not agree with someone else's?? That is seriously not the way it should be. You are not less of a person or an inferior person because your taste buds are a certain way. Again, this person did not try to do that to me, but this is how I felt. It was good for me to realize that, as now I see it for what it is. A difference between people.
I think much of my mood is a combination of events- a perfect storm if you will. So I am assuming that my mood will pass. But it did not let up over night, and so this is one that is going to hold a while. I hate that. And there isn't a hell of a lot I can do about it right now- except write my irritations and reassure all of you or any of you who might read this, this is not a deal breaker, and trust me- it most likely isn't you to whom I am referring.
Maybe I will publish this and maybe I will not, but I knew that the conversation I was having with myself was not helping at all. So I do well working things out on the proverbial paper. Such as it is. I guess that it is a moment of discontent with life, though for the most part I wouldn't trade mine. I just need to reboot and decompress. And bitch for a few moments.