Isn't it interesting...

I had a pretty good first day true summer vacation yesterday.  I got in a nice 12 mile bike ride, I got some laundry done, a little cleaning and I did some sitting and thinking and relaxing as well.

Instead of finding someone to go out to lunch with, I stayed home and did exactly the things that I wanted to.  I also had a good session with my life-coach.  I needed this so much, I had some things to sort out and understand some of the deep sadness and anxiety that I have been feeling lately.  It was exhausting and I needed a lot of reflection time.  So I took that time, guilt free, instead of feeling like I should do such and so, or avoided it by going to do something else.  Sometimes you have to feel all the feels, including the ones that suck.

One of the writing prompts (for lack of a better phrase) that she gave me to help sort through my stuff, was "Isn't it interesting..." and you simply write endings to this phrase as it pertains to your point of anxieties or troubles.  I find that I had a bit of a backslide towards feeling bad about myself when I had these ongoing stresses.  I have been feeling good, overall, about myself in the last few months, which is like the first time freaking EVER in my life.  Which is not an exaggeration at all. It made me question everything that I was doing and felt insecure about almost every relationship that I have.  I had been finally at peace, mostly, about many things in my life  and most specifically about the way I look and how I eat.   Anyway, when I was finding myself not at all confident in anything again- it was time to talk and write about it.

This little exercise was quite instructive - when I read my responses - the flood of words that I wrote down yesterday afternoon and then again in the evening, I found a lot of things to think about.  No judging, no editing, just writing and then reading and reflecting.   It was good.  I feel more relaxed and happy this morning than I have in weeks.  I slept much better and feel like I am BACK to my usual self.  And that is good because I like my usual self!

So my first adventure begins today later.  I am off to visit the seester for a few days.  I love going to cities and this summer is looking to be sprinkled with city visits.  YAY!  For now tho, the Twin Cities it is!  I have a few things to do first, so I should make up my list and plan the day.

I am not sure if I will be blogging or not for the next few days, but you know that I will be finding my joy... and I hope you will too.