Elusive and wearisome

Ah sleep  elusive, transitory, phantom, fugitive.  Can you fall asleep at night and can you stay asleep? It all seems so simple, but no. 

Virtually every night for the last several months I consider my sleep capabilities.  Usually while turning from side to side, adjusting my position, rearranging this hair, fighting with the pillows..... and thinking about why I am no longer one of those "I can fall asleep standing up" sort of people.  Those people need to just stop it.  The rest of us just don't want to hear it.

Anyone falling into this category needs to just stop  lol

I start to notice every night how sleepy I am at about 9 pm.  Am I sleepy enough that I will be able to easily fall asleep? What if I am not?  Should I take something or try to let myself to relax. WINE??  TEQUILA??????  What if I don't fall asleep.  How much will I suffer for it the next day?  Why does the music in my brain not STOP WHEN I TURN OFF THE LIGHTS???  I really like it when I am reading and I start to nod off- that is a super good sign for me....  I make sure my teeth are brushed in advance and I make a dive for my bed.  But those nights are few and far between.

THEN there is this when I get into bed:   I have to move my hair off of my neck and from under my face.  The pillow has to be smoothed down so as to be not reflecting any breath back onto my face.... I can't stand being breathed on when I am trying to fall asleep, even my own breath.  There can be no huge wrinkles or bumps in the sheet or pillow case.  I can't be too hot. I have to arrange the extra blanket over my shoulders which get cold and not over my feet which get too warm.  Sometimes.   Etc, etc, etc.  It is exhausting.  Which is ironic because I JUST want to go to sleep.

I recently was directed to a sort of  pretty good article about sleep, mostly some "expert" talking about how even if you get by on 5 or 6 hours of sleep you really will be better off getting more.  Then they discussed how when you get--- ahem--- older, your sleep changes.  And you rarely will sleep super soundly for 6  or more hours and rambled on about less REM sleep and blah blah blah.  While it is sort of comforting to know that trouble sleeping or having interrupted sleep is normal as we age, I didn't need said dumb-ass expert telling me that it is not good for me.  Like usual, we are shamed for things that our body is doing without us having any control over said sleep patterns.  Sorry/not sorry that this article was helpful/not helpful, you dumb-ass expert.  

And as you can most likely tell, I am tired today.  I usually do fine (I don't care what anyone writing an internet article says) on 6 or less hours of shut-eye, but today is not one of them.  The Mad-Oldest son is here for deer hunting, we stayed up late and SOME BODY in the house started snoring in my ear within 10.2 seconds of him closing his eyes.  That sort of ticks me off- he's one of "those" people. You know, snoozing in a chair every freaking night.....  sigh.  **jealousy**  Anyway, lets just say the couch isn't my favorite place to sleep, even if it is just until I can finally fall asleep.  Let's just say 2.5 hours is not good enough.

BAHAHAHA  #truestory

So yeah I am whining about sleeping.  Many of my faithful friends might recommend a nap, but Debi doesn't nap lest it wreck her night's sleep.  Now isn't that a paradox?? Oy.  

Meanwhile, I need a couple new pillows, as mine sort of suck.  I actually can tell how fast I will fall asleep by how comfortable my pillow feels when I lay down.  If it feels soft and amazing and I snuggle right in, I know my mind will turn off and I will fall asleep in 10-20 min.... if it feels like it has rocks instead of feathers.....  well then that is a problem.  I'm pretty sure I need counseling.  haha.

So there is no real point, solution or meaning for this post.  I just wanted to write out something I lay in bed and compose at least 4 out of 7 nights.  Maybe having the words out there will help.  MAYBE I was missing my blog and needed to get back at it.  It seems I left us all hanging in Portland!!  We didn't even make it to Rockaway beach yet!  Not to mention all the pictures I have taken since.

So I might post again today, as I am full of nonsensical words and disjointed thoughts and that just could be a hoot and a half for all of us.

And I already am thinking of my bedtime tonight.  Until that moment comes, find your daily dose of joy!