NOT good

This is a fast, down and dirty post.  I am not sharing to Facebook, I will write a better post later.  I am NOT doing well today.  I always am doing well, my optimism is the core of my being....  but the events of late have knocked me fucking over.

I have had such a mix of good and bad, of highs and lows and now insecurity and fear and grief and sorrow...  I am haunted by not being good enough, by thinking I have done everything wrong, though back then I did the best I knew how and I can't regret my decisions of years gone by.  But the thoughts are making me second guess everything I have thought, I'm full of the fear I am not good enough and always always too much.

I am not asking for phone calls, or messages or sympathy.  I just think you should put out your ugly side once in a while.  Then maybe the joy will follow some time.  Hopefully soon.