A quick, undoubtedly way too wordy, update from me.
I had a GREAT thing happen over the weekend. I weighed myself on Sunday and I found myself staring at the number 148.8! I have been waiting for a 14- number for some time now. I have been at 150.2 for ages!! I mean, yes, the number wobbled up a little from time to time, but never more than a pound or two, but that wobble never went down!! I was stuck there for about 6 weeks. That is basically being in a maintenance mode, which is actually a good thing. I am thrilled to know I can hold onto my weight at this lower level with little problem. I have found the balance of food and exercise that works for me.
HOWEVER, I wanted to a. drop below 150- just because I wanted to do that and 2. be in the "normal" BMI range, and then there is the last thing- it involves those last frontiers of soft and squishy that need to disappear....... So at least the first two things have been accomplished! I was thrilled to throw my stats onto a BMI calculator and find my number FINALLY in the freaking normal range. I intellectually knew that with my muscle mass, that I probably had been in normal for a while, but I wanted to see it on the chart!! HA! I rarely want to really be normal, but this is one of those number games that you sort of play in your head. I play lots of games in my head, but that is beside the point.... and you just don't want to know about that! :)
I HAVE NEVER WEIGHED IN THE 140"S IN MY LIFETIME! Maybe for a week or so when I was a freshman in High School or something.....
I am sure the little fist-pumping, bunny hopping, hands raised in victory dance that did in the bathroom, then the kitchen, then in the living room would have been an interesting sight to see! I was very happy to say the least. I did not utter a sound though, the MA had put in a long day cutting white pine boughs or something evergreen on Saturday and I didn't want to wake him up. I RESISTED the urge to run into the bedroom and jump up and down on the bed saying.....GUESS WHAT! GUESS WHAT! GUESS WHAT! HAHAHAHA. It was close though! I had gotten up a little late as I had perhaps had too much caffeine or something on Saturday, as I did not fall asleep until way after 1 am. So, I was able to share via text with a good friend or two!
I am only about 3 pounds away from my random goal weight. I don't know how I am going to react when I am "done" losing weight. I have been doing this my whole life practically. Working seriously at it on loseit.com for almost 2 years. I have not been the weight I want or at least can live with ever in my adult life..... weird idea. Every day really is a struggle! It will not be easy, but I am used to it now.
I "secretly" want to maybe go down another 10 pounds, but I am going to let that just happen. If my body wants it to. Thank heaven for my friends, especially my loseit friends, who will hold my hand as I enter this next phase. Their support is unbelievable, and has been my life line.
I have discovered something interesting- even though I know that I am way way smaller than I used to be, I still see heavy in the mirror. I still see parts that aren't 25 years old anymore. I see sections that aren't looking like I think they should. I find that if I am feeling sorry for myself I look way worse than when I am happy. Are we so used to seeing images of people who are unrealistically thin that we can't be happy in our own, much lighter, much more healthy skin? It is something I certainly need to work on- changing my lens of looking at myself. It is getting slightly easier to see myself as a thinner person: I actually saw rib bones in the mirror yesterday- but when someone says I am skinny or when the hubs says my back is kind of boney it makes me furrow my brow. 40 some years of never having someone use those adjectives to describe me makes it hard to accept. But it is something I will be working on.
I am pretty sure I mentioned that this post would be way wordy! You were warned!
Make sure you find your joy today- and do a little fist pumping, bunny hop dance when you do!