A few bits of randomness....
I have found that when I am seriously busy, but not preoccupied, I do a lot of creative thinking and free associating. So I have been totally preoccupied for a while- between my Boundary waters trip, Dirty Girl run, school starting, wedding of the mad-engineer son and his FULL of awesome new wife, and most recently, a trip over to Sheboygan-my brain has not had a lot of time linger on much of anything.
This past weekend I was hit by a few feelings- first was an overwhelming sense of relief and release. Second was a definite feeling of let down and then a little bit of being directionless. My brain being as it is, has been searching around for something to focus on and also has been making connections.
The first thing I settled on was a new goal. I had an aha moment last night when I realized that I am coming up on 2 years as an official, card-carrying member of the loseit website. I am thrilled with the progress I have made, amazed still, and I understand now that I really would like to finish off my final goal by the time I hit my anniversary. Now I am not silly enough that I will be all bummed out if I don't lose this last 4 pounds by Dec. 21, but it would be nice to do that. I want to sort of put an exclamation point on that part of things and be able to think about new goals that I would like to achieve. I actually do want to lose probably another 10 pounds after that, but I will not be checking on that regularly- some may say obsessively! With that in mind, it is much easier to avoid the very little bit of Halloween candy that I will be exposed to today. 2 years is a long time!! I'm still surprised.
So with that in mind, and thinking about Halloween, I also again thought about the fact that other than in college I have NEVER lived in a place where I had trick or treaters come to my house. That is sort of odd I think. Maybe not, but I sort of wish I had experienced it. I used to go over to my friend CathyB's house and hand out some candy there, and when I was a kid I used to help Grandma Kutz had some out when I got back with my own stash. I'll avoid the little kids and their treats today, and keep putting things up in the hall (for conferences next week) to burn off any accidental treats I might ingest! :)
When I get home tonight, and indeed right now, I will be truly alone! I am alone a lot, but never truly alone. That sounds mysterious, so I will explain. Anyone who has followed the nonsense of the mad-art teacher knows that I "flit" around a lot- that would be the MA's term for my traveling. I love traveling and the MA- not so much. Anyway, tis the season for the MA to make a road trip to Eau Claire for his 2 day income tax seminar. I used to go along and go Christmas shopping (usually the seminar is later in November), which was a hoot. It was nice to get away from the kiddos and get the gifts mostly purchased and just generally be adult-like. But I can't do that anymore (I am not that good at being adult-like anyway!!!) especially when I spent 2 days last week flitting, er, um, traveling to the art convention. So this evening, I will return home from my weight lifting and elliptical sessions to a house that is really empty. Now, typically, the MA is gone when I get home from the gym as it is that time of the year where he goes every night and weekend to help out with the activities at the sheep ranch and Christmas tree farm. And therefore I am alone a lot, which is what sort of triggered a mini-saltine and peanut butter attack last night, but I digress.... So if you refer back to the first couple of paragraphs, you will see how this is all connected in my somewhat convoluted story here! It is always weird for me to be alone in my bed at home. But I do sleep well! :)
Anyway, it is time for me to get ready to go to work, avoid the candy, stay busy, keep moving, get rid of any candy that lands on my desk and don my black angel wings and rock the art room!! THEN, go to the gym and come home and savor/fear the true aloneness. But, I never know when things will come together for another aha moment- a new goal, an interesting realization, a new appreciation for random stuff.
Joy comes at unexpected times!