It is amazing how fast the week goes. I can hardly believe it is the half way through the school year already and the weekend is already into Sunday morning
A few things-
I have taken a few pix and I need to photo edit. I have found that if life keeps me from taking pictures, I get antsy and stressed.
I have one project going that I simply MUST finish!!! So hard to find the time. Today might be the day, though.
It is FREAKING cold out. -10 here this morning. And that kept me in from a walk. boooo. AND I am so sore from really lifting HARD this past week. I wanted to go to the gym this morning, but the aches I had told me to let it go another day yet. SO I have to rethink my gym schedule for the week.
Which brings up the word CONFLICTS
I am having a lot of them right now.....
Ignore my whining if you choose, but this is my outlet for my thoughts- I think carefully about what I write here (usually) and so it is a good place to sort.
I think about my schedule on Sat. or Sun. for the week and todays revelation goofed that up! oy. So I need to reorganize my ideas.
Next the play is looming and that will totally throw off my lifting for a while- but I will figure it out. I will not be stopping- that isn't part of the plan AT ALL. BEAST MODE BABY!!!!
I am still working my way through this. I still feel like I will gain all my weight back if I don't exercise like a maniac EVERY day. I still feel uneasy with 1600 - 1800 calories per day. I am pretty sure I should be sedated and counseled.
I also am reading a book called the Smarter Science of Slim- and I have come to discover that it is Paleo in disguise. I understand the concepts but can not buy into it totally. I need to do what is right for me - as a few of my extraordinary friends have said- and I don't think whole grains are a problem for me. I think maybe sugar is! Certainly there is room to clean up my eating. BUT I am incapable of perfection, which makes me sad, but it is what it is. I want to always eat perfectly, but I am so weak. sigh. Yeah and the smartie in the book didn't address emotional eating or wanting to be an athlete (of sorts) so he is using not only a little flawed science, and conjecture, but also ignoring the individual. ( I also really don't care to read on a kindle!)
I also am getting lots of conflicting advice from awesome people. I am really feeling uncertain about how much protein to have, whether to supplement for weight lifting, if I should go vegan, blah blah blah...... melt down imminent! I could just cry.
Also, WHY do people ask if you eat fish if you are vegetarian? why?? Why do I have to explain that?? idk.
SCHOOL- the new semester starts. that is all.
MY MOM AND MY HOME: so I am haunted by the little incident that happened to my mom- I'm not gonna go into it- but suffice it to say that the one two punch of my mom hurt and the unexpected news of the loss of my family home put me into a tailspin. It has made me feel so insecure. I keep having all these images pop to my mind, and now I am dreaming about it. It makes me so sad. I feel like my base has been removed from under my feet.
COOKING! Lol, I am having an off weekend, but I need to do some cooking for the week. I have found a couple fast things finally, so that is what I am working on. In typical Debi fashion, I am taking the idea and totally doing with it what I please. I just can't be bothered to always be prepared early for these things!! HAHAHA I am so impulsive it is sort of funny- well it is funny somedays. Other days living in the mind of the Mad-artteacher isn't the most comfortable. I have to find my inner sunshine, I think.
FRIENDS: I feel seriously like a burden at times to my friends who I chat with a lot. I know that they will disagree, and that is so awesome. BUT, I wonder when I will grow up enough to deal with my issues on my own. Or will I? Or is that not necessary. I am always available and HAPPY to listen to them, why should I feel like I am imposing?? I love feeling like I can contribute well to a discussion about life and all- what the heck is wrong with me?? I am not sure that what I give is equal to what I get and I really am about fairness. Sigh.
I will be finishing up this post and then finishing up a little soup for the week. And then try to get at the afore mentioned project and brave the cold and get outside for a walk. Just a little one in the woods. with a camera.......
And that should give me some joy!