Sunday, January 20, 2013

And how did it become Sunday already? Or how conflict runs my life...

It is amazing how fast the week goes.  I can hardly believe it is the half way through the school year already and the weekend is already into Sunday morning

A few things-

I have taken a few pix and I need to photo edit.  I have found that if life keeps me from taking pictures, I get antsy and stressed.

I have one project going that I simply MUST finish!!!  So hard to find the time.  Today might be the day, though.

It is FREAKING cold out.  -10 here this morning. And that kept me in from a walk.  boooo.  AND I am so sore from really lifting HARD this past week.  I wanted to go to the gym this morning, but the aches I had told me to let it go another day yet.  SO I have to rethink my gym schedule for the week.

Which brings up the word CONFLICTS

I am having a lot of them right now.....

Ignore my whining if you choose, but this is my outlet for my thoughts- I think carefully about what I write here (usually) and so it is a good place to sort.


I think about my schedule on Sat. or Sun. for the week and todays revelation goofed that up!  oy.  So I need to reorganize my ideas.
Next the play is looming and that will totally throw off my lifting for a while- but I will figure it out.  I will not be stopping- that isn't part of the plan AT ALL.  BEAST MODE BABY!!!!


I am still working my way through this.  I still feel like I will gain all my weight back if I don't exercise like a maniac EVERY day.  I still feel uneasy with 1600 - 1800 calories per day.  I am pretty sure I should be sedated and counseled.

I also am reading a book called the Smarter Science of Slim- and I have come to discover that it is Paleo in disguise.  I understand the concepts but can not buy into it totally.  I need to do what is right for me - as  a few of my extraordinary friends have said- and I don't think whole grains are a problem for me.  I think maybe sugar is!  Certainly there is room to clean up my eating.  BUT I am incapable of perfection, which makes me sad, but it is what it is.  I want to always eat perfectly, but I am so weak.  sigh.  Yeah and the smartie in the book didn't address emotional eating or wanting to be an athlete (of sorts) so he is using not only a little flawed science, and conjecture, but also ignoring the individual.  ( I also really don't care to read on a kindle!)

I also am getting lots of conflicting advice from awesome people.  I am really feeling uncertain about how much protein to have, whether to supplement for weight lifting, if I should go vegan, blah blah blah......  melt down imminent!  I could just cry.

Also, WHY do people ask if you eat fish if you are vegetarian?  why?? Why do I have to explain that??  idk.

SCHOOL- the new semester starts.  that is all.

MY MOM AND MY HOME:  so I am haunted by the little incident that happened to my mom- I'm not gonna go into it- but suffice it to say that the one two punch of my mom hurt and the unexpected news of the loss of my family home put me into a tailspin.  It has made me feel so insecure.  I keep having all these images pop to my mind, and now I am dreaming about it.  It makes me so sad.  I feel like my base  has been removed from under my feet.

COOKING!  Lol, I am having an off weekend, but I need to do some cooking for the week.  I have found a couple fast things finally, so that is what I am working on.  In typical Debi fashion, I am taking the idea and totally doing with it what I please.  I just can't be bothered to always be prepared early for these things!!  HAHAHA  I am so impulsive it is sort of funny- well it is funny somedays.  Other days living in the mind of the Mad-artteacher isn't the most comfortable.  I have to find my inner sunshine, I think.

FRIENDS:  I feel seriously like a burden at times to my friends who I chat with a lot.  I know that they will disagree, and that is so awesome.  BUT, I wonder when I will grow up enough to deal with my issues on my own.  Or will I?  Or is that not necessary.  I am always available and HAPPY to listen to them, why should I feel like I am imposing?? I love feeling like I can contribute well to a discussion about life and all- what the heck is wrong with me??  I am not sure that what I give is equal to what I get and I really am about fairness. Sigh.

I will be finishing up this post and then finishing up a little soup for the week.  And then try to get at the afore mentioned project and brave the cold and get outside for a walk.  Just a little one in the woods.  with a camera.......

And that should give me some joy!

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