Friday, July 26, 2013

A year past the Boundary Waters

It has been a whole year since my adventure with my sister, niece and 3 strangers who I now will always consider my friends.  It was a highlight of my life so far- not trying to be over dramatic, but it is truth.  Without this special group of people, it just couldn't have been the same.

The Boundary Waters Art Campers - Rose, Emily, Debi, Nathan, Penny, Pat

There are not many times that have so many vivid memories as that canoe and camping trip- it was an instructive, eye-opening, exciting and at times terrorizing event.  I found out how strong I am, how resilient and realized how big of a transition I have made physically and personally. AND it was SO much fun.

I found so many things I CAN do, and I few things that I won't.  Lol- pretending to hang off a cliff is one of them, but I guess eventually I did that, too.  Oy.

I told them that they were all going to hell for making me do this!  They laughed at me
 I still have not totally come to full realization of what those things I will, won't and can't do are- a simple example is a friend suggesting that we bring swim suits next time we hit the beach up at Madeline Island- my immediate reaction was "I can't do that". And then I thought: "why not?".  I still feel that I am not good enough to wear that swimsuit in public, even though I guess I totally can.  In fact, I know I will now that I have seen that glitch in my thinking.  The little things that are roadblocks to living a full and fun life crop up every so often.  First of all, why should we judge ourselves according to the warped sense of beauty that the media, and perhaps society in general hold to be true.  And secondly, you have lost over 70 pounds- girl - get over it.  But so many years of not being a normal weight is a hard mind set to overcome.  So many years of hiding ones self are not something that leaves the basic fabric of your being easily.  It is a fight my brain has been having for over a year now.  Reinvent yourself whenever you get a chance!

She looks sweet but she's evil!  LOL  LOVE that girl!
So I look at this trip to confirm that I can indeed do things I never imagined.  I can sleep in a sleeping bag on the ground and not be a crabby basketcase the next day.  I CAN go without proper bathroom accommodations and not want to die.  I can eat LORDKNOWSHOWMANY calories during a day and indeed not only not gain, but lose weight!  Of course who knows how many calories I burned off- and that was the key. But to be handed 2 TWO! salted nut bars (candy bars!!!) for a morning snack during our trip to Canada???? WHAT???  I can't eat those, but I did and ooooooooh were they good!  There were multitudes of examples of this - Eat, eat, eat, and then paddle paddle paddle.  And I believe I mentioned the way a certain person forced me down the side of a cliff against my will by holding my sweating hand all the way down coughpennyahemcough.  The results were a beauty that was totally worth the terror of descent, and you wouldn't believe how fast I made it back up the side of said cliff! Overcoming the self enforced mental and physical roadblocks has enhanced my life in so many ways- has given me permission to do thing that traditionally Debi did not do!

I want to go back there, but I know I have to skip a few years, as there is no way I will ever take that trip again.  That trip has set an extraordinary standard to which all subsequent ones will be held to and I will need to realize that wonderful group of people, who all experienced this trip and found their own ways to transform and grow,  and that unique time in our lives cannot be repeated.  So I will wait until the time is right and a totally different trip is ready to be taken.

yeah, I took it upside down!  why not!

The scenery and the land was amazing. The weather was pretty much perfect- the bugs were somewhat subdued!  The food was great and the company was outstanding.  It was one surprising, breath-taking moment after another- from the islands, the little bit of wildlife, the petroglyphs, the campfires, the water, the campsites, the art work, the quiet, the laughter, the love. 

We saw virtually no one besides ourselves from Monday to Friday afternoon, and it was an amazing thing.

At some point in your life, step out of your comfort zone and your living room and your regular life and do something different. Do something scary. Do it because you really have to.  Do it for you.

And find your joy there.

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