Saturday, June 6, 2015

Let the summer begin

I am so ready for some joy today, let me tell you people.  I was right, yesterday was pretty sad, and there were parts that were downright brutal.  But I made it through.  And it only took some marathon texting sessions, a 10 mile bike ride, sitting like a zombie on the couch for  an hour and a much needed phone call with a far away friend who will be coming to see me in exactly. 1. month. ( YES!) for me to finally ditch the heaviness in my heart. Sort of.  Oh and the MA who was in the right place at the right time when I got home.  AND we put together my car roof rack and kayak carrier and soon I will be hauling my kayak where ever the wind would like to blow me.  

So fast forward to last night and me trying to sleep, which was ridiculous.  I was so sleepy and I stayed up a little later because of said phone call and you would THINK that I would have fallen right to sleep.  What is it going to take to get over this little insomnia spell I have been having lately?? 

I realize now how this change in my work and eventually, personal life, has been affecting me for the last month. I had been dreading the day and this dread has manifested itself in some specific ways.  I have been unable to sleep well,   been a bit jumpy, definitely worried about every flipping aspect of my life, paranoid that people don't like me (I am not even kidding), and basically have had every ounce of confidence leak out of my body. I have been feeling like I am not good enough for anyone and definitely have let the emotions of the students at school get the best of me.  I have momentarily lost my trust in the world and all things joyful.  This is not a good place for the Mad Art Teacher to be.  There is a lot more on this topic to be discussed, but I will defer for now. 

Anyway, I can feel the excitement of summer and my imminent trip to Bayfield rising inside me.  This is a trip that I am looking forward to so much in order to kick start my anticipation of the next 3 months.  I feel gyped out of my last day of school rush.   I need to feel the thrill of not having to get up at any specific time and being able to walk in the morning, and having time to decompress and recharge.  Not having that rush of happiness and adrenaline yesterday was just not right.  But I got my rooms cleaned and my grades posted and I do not have to go to school again until August.  Except someone needs to remind me to go water that Norfolk pine in my room.  I don't think the poor dear got watered at all last summer.  That is one tough tree.

Coming up on my agenda is a lovely trip to see the seester and I have my sights on that already.  In the meantime I am going to try and get a little gardening done, and some things straightened up in parts of my house and maybe some plain old goofing off.  Because I need it!  OH and of course a kayak and/or a bike ride.  My elbow can rest next week. 

Anyway, since the Mad-Science teacher will be here in 30 minutes or so and the MA made his best case for his scrambled eggs before I leave today, I better get this posted.  You can bet you will see some photos on FaceBook in a while, because that is what this day is all about.  I intend to find all the joy that I can!  Have a lovely joy-filled day to you too.  

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