Loss of words

I have had a massive writers block lately, for a variety of reasons.  Some of the biggest reasons are the political and social happenings that are in the news right now.  I can't even with them.  And here is the thing- I have been reticent to say anything about what is going on because I didn't want to get slammed from either side of the aisle.  I have VERY good friends who hang out on the right and the left side of this political scene and I just don't want to get into it with any one.  (I do discuss politics with one person, but that is literally it) If you know me well at all, you know that it gives me anxiety.  I am not sure why but it does, and I know when I am consistently anxious bad things happen to my health.  So, I choose not to participate.  As you can imagine, with all the stupidity going on right now, you can't help but think about it and participate to at least a small degree.  Ugh.

So here is the thing- I have allowed the opinions of others to dictate some of the ways I have been feeling and what I have been doing.  Of course that is not out of the ordinary seeing we are a social animal.  But I have been paralyzed by thoughts that have run through my mind over and over and over about certain people and situations.  I've been caught in a real mental trap, and this morning I woke up and decided I can't let these things rule me anymore.

I've sort of had a perfect storm of family, friend, and public issues pop up and I've had to medicate myself to sleep.  I worry I am doing the right thing, will it "look" right to people I care about, am I doing enough for some of them, and generally stressing out about everything and everyone.  While I will not stop worrying completely about a lot of this, because if you know me- then you KNOW that won't happen, I will go on about my business as I see fit.  And if you think I am referring to you specifically- don't assume.  You are most likely wrong.

There are circles I participate in where I am quite vocal about not letting the opinion of others influence what you do or don't do.  Much of that has to do with body image and what you do or don't eat and such things like that. Deciding that how you look is your business, and not that of others- especially driven by media based ideas of worthy.  And if you imagine that someone is "judging" you, you need to do what is right for you, not for them.  So life decided to serve my own words up on a silver platter for me this morning when that aha moment crystalized.

So today I am going to be working on my joy again.  It has to happen- I can't continue being on edge and on alert and feeling unsafe.  So, off I go- I hope you have found your joy today too.