Gone

My heart is broken and I am almost without words.

My sweet old horse died this afternoon, just a few steps out of his barn.  I was getting ready to feed him before we went to eat supper.  I looked out towards his usual hangout, where he would stand to escape the flies and the sun.  I knew when I saw him down he wasn't getting up again.

He was 39 and until the last couple years he had been in perfect health.  He had been having some breathing issues the last year or so, but he never was in distress.  He just slowed down.  He ate his breakfast this morning with his usual relish and gusto.

 I wasn't expecting it.  I still don't believe it.  I keep looking out to see where he is.

But he's gone.

I know I will look for him every morning.  I will feel like I should be feeding him, heading out to see him watching for me.  Listening to him call when I come out the door.  Sticking his nose out to get rubbed, scratching that spot under his neck that sent him into another place.  Licking my hand and arm when I'm trying to fix the fence or reach the feed buckets.

He was such a good horse, so sweet natured.  So funny.  So calm. The horse I always wanted and more than I could every have hoped for.

Good bye Jac.  I hope your life was as good as you made mine.