Sunday, January 31, 2021

I miss my (nice) clothes

 I just laughed out loud when I titled this - I miss my clothes.  So an edit was applied to make it slightly less eyebrow raising, or letting people think that I need to be institutionalized or something.  Or perhaps avoiding covert visitors to the property to get a look at what THIS might all mean!

Anyway, I just had a DSW email notification pop up as I opened this tab, and it just reminds me of the pretty dresses,  cute skirts, leather boots, colorful tights and other pretty things that I used to wear, not all that long ago.  

It makes me look back over the years and think about how things have changed.  When I first started working at the school, as a sub, I had nice enough things I guess, but I really didn't dress "up". You never knew what you were going to get- recess duty, art projects (which I got a lot of), etc.  It was just safer to be in sturdy items that were not going to be a tragedy if they got dirty.  Back when I was younger, I never wore dresses, or almost never.  There were a few things behind that: lack of opportunity other than subbing, really poor self confidence and probably the main factor- not a lot of money.  3 kids and part time work does not give one a huge clothing budget. 

Anyway, somewhere along the line I got my full time job and I was constantly covered in art supplies.  Also not at all conducive to nice clothes.  At least in my mind it was ridiculous to choose to get paint all over nice clothes and I really didn't think I was worthy of wearing pretty clothes like many of the lovely (read: thin) coworkers of mine.  This was my own judgement, no one else's.

Fast forward to having a constantly changing job and life, turning 50, finding my voice and confidence and the art teacher who wore dresses almost every day evolved.  I became known for my cute tights and pretty boots, skirts and dresses and sweaters.  Still occasionally paint covered but not as much as I thought.  I LOVED dressing up the last 5 years or so of my career.  It was the best thing I even did for myself. I felt so good, and my colleagues and other friends would comment about what I wore. Even the big kids liked my clothes, and I had more than one kindergartener tell me they like my pants (my tights usually, lol) and then proceed to pet my leg and admire the color.  It cracked me up, but mostly made me feel awe that anyone would pay attention.  The assumptions I had had about myself were not at all true. I broke a lot of my own self imposed rules. 

Even though I am indeed grateful for not working now, this would be terribly stressful work environment, there are so many things I miss.  The smell of the oil paint when I first walked in the door of the high school art room, straightening the disorder I frequently left the night before, opening or starting the kiln, pulling myself together in front of the mirror and occasionally taking a selfie to share. I miss talking to my coworkers, the high school students, and getting the mass hugs from my elementary kids. And my nice clothes.  

I did the right thing at the right time, and I still have a few things left in my closet.  Someday I will get to wear them again- This will end, right? 

Tomorrow is February and so far 2021 isn't too bad.  Lets hope it stays that way- not too bad isn't the worst way to be. Find your way the best you can.

No comments:

Post a Comment