gone....

I found out tonight something I NEVER wanted to know. NEVER.  I told pretty much everyone around that I didn't want to know if they tore down the farm.  Apparently someone didn't get that memo.

I was caught by surprise and was blindsided.  I keep seeing the home I grew up in and try not to imagine the black shell that was left.  It hurts like hell.  I have a hole in my heart.

My dad died something like 8 years ago, my mom started leaving soon after.  She is still with us, but she is fading a little more every time I see her.  And now this makes it all the more focused, more intense and very painful.

I don't blame anyone really for this, as it is no ones' fault.  I had a feeling this would happen, but the suddenness with which this was presented to me brought me to my knees.  It doesn't change my daily life, it doesn't affect me directly, but it removes a safety net that was there in my mind.  Even though in reality it was only a building.  I know this, so don't tell me that it is ok.  It is NOT ok with me tonight.

So what do I say to finish this post....

 Remember the voices ......

The times we ate together....







































The happy times.....
 

The sad...

There were old parts, new parts - wedding receptions and graduations.  Deaths were mourned and births celebrated

So many children ran, laughed, cried, played

Upstairs and downstairs, the people, the stories, the love.........

If you close your eyes and listen, if you close your eyes and look, if you close your eyes and feel it, you can find your home again.