6 weeks ago, I was innocently thinking that I would be starting a new semester the next day- new kids, new schedule, new start. 6 weeks ago I had plans, big plans, for Booking Across the Bay, snow shoeing, walking, lifting at the ghetto gym, keeping ahead of my school work, since I, at that time, was sort of caught up. 6 weeks ago, I planned my walk for early afternoon, so I could putz around in the house and generally set myself up for the week. I, as I recall, had a ton of food cooked, house was cleaned up, laundry was done and I was getting exercise in spite of the ridiculous cold and ice, yes, it was looking good baby.
Sometime early this afternoon will be the 6 week mark. I don't know the exact time, but if I cared to scroll back a good deal through my texts, I know I fired off a string of decidedly nasty expletives to a friend of mine concerning what I had done. And that was after I had "walked it off" for a mile. Good grief. Looking back, I perhaps should have taken the ride home from the nice man in the truck. But in reality, it wouldn't have really mattered. I did no further harm to either my radial heads or my ankle. No use second guessing yourself about things like that anyway. You do the best you can with the information you have at the time.
Even though I felt fairly awake and lucid during this whole recovery, I really don't remember too much about that first week. And parts of the second week. Pain meds do that to me, but I wonder if the brain doesn't protect you from the stresses of healing in some way. What I do know is I have awesome and amazing friends who checked on me often and came to stay with me. I know that the people in the ER and clinic were fantastic. I know that I have a hubby who did more than he ever imagined he would ever be doing for me. And he did it well! I literally do not know what I would have done without him. I have a seriously wonderful sister who came to be with me!! I know that I am lucky it wasn't worse, but that doesn't take away from the fact that I still have some recovery to do. That still bothers me a little, that whole- OH it could have been so much worse, you are lucky. Really? I know I discussed this before, but why do people want to diminish the facts, when I am having a hard enough time finding the legitimacy of my own injury?? Oh well- what evs. I'll tell you, when Feb 14 came and that 10K came and went without me, I was not happy about anything.
6 weeks later, my previously sorer left arms is doing great. It has fabulous range of motion and I barely notice it. My right arm is a little more problematic- much more stiff. Much less range of motion, even though I am working on it. The things I do with that arm from beginning of the day to the end is undoubtedly the reason it is a little twitchy. I need about a week of light duty. But the play is almost here and that will not be happening. I will be working on stage stuff from today through Thursday, frequently, and then I have a different workout! My Ella Bella and her mom and dad are coming soon! YAY! Then it will be play week and I will talk to you after the 22nd. Or you can find me in a heap back stage, somewhere behind my throne! Or maybe behind the ship! :) (Musical teaser alert)
So what is instructive about all this? NEVER EVER think your life is going to go in the direction you expect. And when it veers wildly, all you can do is pay attention to the things that are going on. What is the universe trying to give you/tell you? What is really important, what isn't and what things will surprise you? 2 plus weeks of time at home not being sick, but not being able, gives you a lot of time to understand messages that have been lurking about. Or more accurately ignore them, and then have a total meltdown when no one is around and you think no one cares.... and then you can pull yourself together and see that nothing is as it seems.
It seems nothing is ever set in stone, you always have time to change your mind, you can shock the hell out of people by not taking the easy way out and always by doing things that you love. For me, for my recovery- the musical was everything. I had to do it, I had to be there, I had to be tougher than people thought. I couldn't disappoint myself, my friend Mark or the kids by having 2 broken elbows. And we will rock that play, performance after performance.
I walked on the ice yesterday- down by Smith Lake. I almost didn't go. I was afraid to walk on the snowy/slushy roads that had that possibility of ice. I was worried I would fall. I was afraid to try again. But the warmth of the sun and the water on the pavement and call of the road was too strong to resist. And I am not a quitter. Seems really trite to be saying this, but you have no idea how afraid I was. But once I got out and started walking the hills to the lake, hearing the birds, seeing the water and then finally walking on the ice, I was fine. I was healing, I was again brave. Even though I literally had to force myself to walk out on that lake, I did walk on it. The same one that will hold me in a canoe or kayak this summer. I know things change all the time, yet danger does not lurk around every corner and every step of the way. I can feel safe again. It was my symbolic Book Across the Bay, where I completed my mission, even if this event happened in a different form than the original. Turning around and looking back, I saw how far I had come. In just 6 weeks. I smiled and took a picture, and headed home.
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