This pause in my summery, exuberant postings is brought to you by the letter I for introspection. I have had an extraordinary summer, I will say. I've had my moments of reboot and shut down, but when I look back at the past several weeks I see nothing but full days of good things.
I've traveled a bit, I've seen the grandkiddos, I've had a week with a very, very awesome friend, I've had great experiences kayaking and biking and walking and Bayfielding..... Oh yes it has been good.
Today, I am a very sore art teacher- well in a couple ways- I had my teeth poked and prodded by my new dental hygienist today, and weirdly it was a very entertaining visit, as i had NO IDEA how high tech dental offices are now. LOL. Yeah, that's another story, but not now. Yesterday, I went back to the gym, such as it is, and began working out again.
In the past few weeks I have been feeling very well, as far as my elbows go, and I had a good discussion with my life coach about many things related to the state of affairs I am in right now. I think I was afraid to start lifting again, afraid to begin the journey that I loved traveling on before. And it just felt like the right time and thing to do. So I spent 35 minutes working out, and it felt fantastic. I laid under that bar on the bench press and I felt like I was home. Now granted I was only lifting the freaking bar, but it felt amazing. So between that and some Romanian deads, shoulder presses and arm and back things, I managed to make myself nice and sore today. It is awesome.
I am sort of freaked out by the amount of work it will take to get myself anywhere near where I was before. But at least I am not starting back at square one. I don't have to start with the lightest weights on the rack, I don't have to learn the proper techniques and I don't have discover all over that indeed I am an athletic person who is really good at lifting weights. This is a confidence that I immediately recognized as I was laying under that bar and looking up at my hand placement, as I braced my legs like I was going to push up heavy weight, as I slid my shoulders into the (duct taped, lol) bench to brace myself for the lift. I acted like I was lifting what I used to, and it was good. My arm is mostly straight now and I felt in-balance and confident. This sounds weird, but to wake up this morning and feel the stiffness and soreness of broken down muscle tissue was strangely comforting and uplifting. It made me feel more like me.
So though I am doing my kayaking and biking and walking every week and I LOVE IT, I love more the thought of getting back into something that gave me confidence in myself like I never in my life had before. The Lyme's disease I had last summer gave me a temporary set back, my wonderful little gym closing sent me into a tailspin and of course the elbow incident. I have decided, even though it is entertaining to tell people about that particular accident, that I can't define my life anymore by that one moment in time and the ramifications of it. It was in it's own way, something that made more of an impact on my life than many events that came before it, but I just can't continue to let it rule my thinking.
It forced me into a state of quiet, it allowed my arms and hands to recover from some serious over training, it allowed me to discover that I can stay healthy without killing myself in a gym, it gave me some extra time that I didn't know I needed. I also found out how many amazing people I have in my life, and it kindled and changed a few relationships in ways that I never would have guessed. All so much for the good, no matter how much I agonize (and smile usually) over some of the crazy things that have happened. mmmm.
During this time, I recognized my need to have a kayak so I am not dependent on others to get myself out into water, which is something I love more than I can express. It has challenged me to bike whenever I can, in spite of the pressure it puts on my elbows. The more I bike, the better my elbows feel, which is sort of counterintuitive, but true. I made plans for taking a mini vacation to Colorado because I understand how a person needs to be sure to do those things you are dreaming about, because you just never know.... So ** BAM ** mini vacation was just what I needed, I am in love with flying and with the mountains and cannot wait to get back to both.
So, after this particular post, my pause in the action that is usually birthday month, I will resume my Denver posts, and maybe a friend visit post, and possibly some other picture posts.... my usual fare. This morning, I was inspired to begin this, as I woke up feeling my muscles thanking me for beginning again. Then I got several early morning texts and one early morning phone call from my friend who I am going to finally get to see again! And kayak with! YES!! And I smiled thinking about how lucky I am to have such good friends, people who like me. People who want to talk to me via text and phone. And spend time with me. Lol and yeah, there is the MA and my kiddos. haha. I am so fortunate to be who I am right now. And really fortunate to be able to do so many of the things I really want to, and I am hoping to continue on this journey doing the exciting, slightly scary, challenging and joyful trip that I am taking. Funny that it took a couple of broken elbows for me to truly understand what I really want and need and the people that are going on this journey with me. It is quite the ride. xo