A pause in the action

Ahhh yes, summer is rolling on and I for one am not one of those people who are saying- "Oh, the summer is going so fast!".  This is the first ever summer I think I have not bought into this somewhat negative outlook on this lovely season.

This pause in my summery, exuberant postings is brought to you by the letter I for introspection.   I have had an extraordinary summer, I will say.  I've had my moments of reboot and shut down, but when I look back at the past several weeks I see nothing but full days of good things.

I've traveled a bit, I've seen the grandkiddos,  I've had a week with a very, very awesome friend, I've had great experiences kayaking and biking and walking and Bayfielding..... Oh yes it has been good.

Today, I am a very sore art teacher- well in a couple ways- I had my teeth poked and prodded by my new dental hygienist today, and weirdly it was a very entertaining visit, as i had NO IDEA how high tech dental offices are now.  LOL.  Yeah, that's another story, but not now.  Yesterday, I went back to the gym, such as it is, and began working out again.

In the past few weeks I have been feeling very well, as far as my elbows go, and I had a good discussion with my life coach about many things related to the state of affairs I am in right now.  I think I was afraid to start lifting again, afraid to begin the journey that I loved traveling on before.  And it just felt like the right time and thing to do.  So I spent 35 minutes working out, and it felt fantastic.  I laid under that bar on the bench press and I felt like I was home.  Now granted I was only lifting the freaking bar, but it felt amazing.  So between that and some Romanian deads, shoulder presses and arm and back things, I managed to make myself nice and sore today.  It is awesome.

I am sort of freaked out by the amount of work it will take to get myself anywhere near where I was before.  But at least I am not starting back at square one.  I don't have to start with the lightest weights on the rack, I don't have to learn the proper techniques and I don't have discover all over that indeed I am an athletic person who is really good at lifting weights.  This is a confidence that I immediately recognized as I was laying under that bar and looking up at my hand placement, as I braced my legs like I was going to push up heavy weight, as I slid my shoulders into the (duct taped, lol) bench to  brace myself for the lift.  I acted like I was lifting what I used to, and it was good.  My arm is mostly straight now and I felt in-balance and confident.  This sounds weird, but to wake up this morning and feel the stiffness and soreness of broken down muscle tissue was strangely comforting and uplifting.  It made me feel more like me.

So though I am doing my kayaking and biking and walking every week and I LOVE IT,  I love more the thought of getting back into something that gave me confidence in myself like I never in my life had before.  The Lyme's disease I had last summer gave me a temporary set back, my wonderful little gym closing sent me into a tailspin and of course the elbow incident.  I have decided, even though it is entertaining to tell people about that particular accident, that I can't define my life anymore by that one moment in time and the ramifications of it.  It was in it's own way, something that made more of an impact on my life than many events that came before it, but I just can't continue to let it rule my thinking.

It forced me into a state of quiet, it allowed my arms and hands to recover from some serious over training, it allowed me to discover that I can stay healthy without killing myself in a gym, it gave me some extra time that I didn't know I needed.  I also found out how many amazing people I have in my life, and it kindled and changed a few relationships in ways that I never would have guessed.  All so much for the good, no matter how much I agonize  (and smile usually) over some of the crazy things that have happened.  mmmm.

During this time, I recognized my need to have a kayak so I am not dependent on others to get myself out into water, which is something I love more than I can express.  It has challenged me to bike whenever I can, in spite of the pressure it puts on my elbows.  The more I bike, the better my elbows feel, which is sort of counterintuitive, but true.  I made plans for taking a mini vacation to Colorado because I understand how a person needs to be sure to do those things you are dreaming about, because you just never know....  So ** BAM ** mini vacation was just what I needed, I am in love with flying and with the mountains and cannot wait to get back to both.

So, after this particular post, my pause in the action that is usually birthday month, I will resume my Denver posts, and maybe a friend visit post, and possibly some other picture posts.... my usual fare. This morning, I was inspired to begin this, as I woke up feeling my muscles thanking me for beginning again.  Then I got several early morning texts and one early morning phone call from my friend who I am going to finally get to see again!  And kayak with!  YES!!  And I smiled thinking about how lucky I am to have such good friends, people who like me.  People who want to talk to me via text and phone.  And spend time with me.  Lol and yeah, there is the MA and my kiddos.  haha. I am so fortunate to be who I am right now.  And really fortunate to be able to do so many of the things I really want to, and I am hoping to continue on this journey doing the exciting, slightly scary, challenging and joyful trip that I am taking.  Funny that it took a couple of broken elbows for me to truly understand what I really want and need and the people that are going on this journey with me.  It is quite the ride.  xo

FINALLY!

There is a lot of stuff going on around here right now, and some of it is going to affect my life in an EXTRAORDINARILY NEGATIVE way.  But I am not going into that, because I can't think about it quite yet.

Blood pressure took a dive and a giant smile of relief- first pic on the new phone!  NO SPECK

Besides that, plus the fact that it snowed- again- last night, there are a couple of good things that are going on, and I will share a few!

The first, FINALLY, is the fact that I got myself a new phone!  My old phone would have been perfectly fine for a long time yet except for 2 major things.  First and mostly, the off button was not reliably working anymore and (in reality, this was a bigger thing) the stinking speck on my camera lens- under the glass.  You know, the one where people kept thinking I took a pic of an eagle???  And then there was the blurry spot where I tried to rub said speck off the outside when indeed it was under the glass??  oy.  You may not have noticed it because usually I edited it out, but not always.  And let's be serious here, you KNOW how twitchy that damn spot has made me, even if I never really mentioned it.  I am SO excited.  As for the rest of the phone, it is fine.  I do like me my iPhones!!  There are some fun new things in this IOS and the phone is a little bigger.

I would like to give a HUGE shout out and thanks to my friends Cathy and Ed for letting me use their zippy internet and being in the room with me to encourage deep relaxing breaths when the last little bit of a zillion different updates and downloads took their sweet time finishing.  As much as I am a techie girl, I love doing so many things, this whole phone thing gave me a lot of anxious moments.  Anyway, it was so kind of them and I appreciate it so very very much!

NEXT, I went to the Orthopedic dr one last time (I assume) yesterday.  I had some questions about my arm, which is so much better, and does get better every day.  There are some weird little things that go on and I had concerns about things, and I got more xrays and had many questions answered. AND people--------I GET TO START WEIGHT LIFTING AGAIN!!!!!


 **pause for happy dancing***


Of course I have been admonished to not over do it right away (wut? wait? you mean ME??) and I will not.  I will workout here before heading back to the Ghetto gym- I can use my lighter weights here.

Since it is heading towards time for me to get myself going, I better be done with these little bits of good news.  I am focusing on the positive for now!  And I am hoping for the best with everything else.

Monday at a Dead Run

 Today was the first day I have had to myself in a while, I am not complaining- it is a fact!

Lola from a different point of view

  I've had a really good summer so far but man, I needed a day.  SO, I got up later than planned but after the MA left I .........

• Went for a 10 mile bike ride!!  YAY
• Since I was "warmed up"-  read: sweating like crazy- I went to the gym and did back day
• After lunch (with lettuce from my garden!!)  I mowed part of the lawn
• and weeded and mulched my peony beds
• and cut lettuce in the garden (and weeded there a little) 
• threw in some laundry and showered from all that outside time!
• cleaned up the kitchen (disaster yet from Sunday)
• made cold brew coffee, washed the lettuce
• made sugar water for the bees
• had a snack because I was starving again

Now I am thinking about dinner and I tell you, my hands and other various body parts from weight lifting are sore!  I did another round of "sissy squats" - Which are NOT FOR SISSIES - and so my legs and glutes are tired and basically, I'm exhausted and its only 5pm.  I think I got a lot done tho!

If you are expecting a point to this, I think you might be quite disappointed.  I think mostly I wrote this while trying to decide which blog post I should write first.  So in my typical Mad Art teacher way, I chose none of them and wrote this instead!  :)

I neeeeeeeeed to do a lot of photo editing- LOTS.  And my hands are seriously sore, so I will do it only a little at a time.  I have lots of fun things to share, so I will be getting at it.

I hope this lovely Monday has given you a lot of joy.

AND I surprised myself today!

I like to do my chest lifting workout on Sunday mornings, now, because I feel pretty strong in the mornings and also I have 2 (and sometimes 4!) wonderful  people who are willing to spot me and get me through those last few reps.  That and a new weight lifting program has helped my strength training TREMENDOUSLY, so I go into my workouts with some confidence.

Today, my arms and shoulders were a little achy, so I was thinking I would be going with lots of reps at light weight, as my left shoulder in particular was being a little cranky.  Well, my whole personality was anxious and cranky at the beginning of the day, for no real reason that is discernible, but that is beside the point.  That was mostly between me, myself and I - no one really knew that but me.....and maybe myself and someone else.....  Anywho, I went into the gym with confidence and no real huge expectations and just a touch of attitude.  There was great music on the radio and some but not tons of people and it was a good vibe.

So, Lori and Al were getting ready for bench pressing, so I worked in on Lori's side and did really well at the low weights and then I realized I was loosening up and feeling good, so I went to one rep for each weight as the weight got heavier- so I could go for the highest I could manage.  Lori's weights were bumped up quickly, and soon I did one that felt pretty heavy and I did it SO easy.  And when I asked what the weight was and Lori said 135- I had just PRed!!!!  YEAH baby!!!!! So we were working quickly and I was obviously not finished, and we had someone work into one of the the benches with us and so we switched to the other side and I was sort of surprised to see an extra 10 on each side instead of 5.  I didn't even hesitate- I just went for it.  I failed out about half way up- and I was SO close to pressing 155!!!  I CAN'T say I ever expected in my life to be able to bench that, and I see it is sooo close!  There was a lot of jumping around and hugging.....  I am so thrilled.  I was told that I didn't develop that strength today, that it was there.  I just needed my mind to catch up with it. (thanks Herman for the wise words!) Lori, Al, Lynne and Herman- you all rock!!  THANKS for being there with me.

I went on to really hit the rest of my workout hard, I did really well on the incline bench with barbells, and had to stay light with the dumbbells as I was totally spent.  I did go on to finish strong with the flyes and all....  I was sort of floating on air.

I have said I am reinventing myself all the time and it remains true still. I am so amazed that I can do this kind of thing.  who knew? I find out all the time that I need to not put up mental barriers.  I need to think I can and not assume I can't.  Life is a mental game- can't let you psych yourself out!!

And rediscovering this is such a joy!

2 years and holding

December 21, 2010 was the random day that I decided that I had to do something about the weight with which I was highly unsatisfied.  I don't remember tons about it, but I do know that I had earlier in the month brought down my Christmas decorations from upstairs and I was totally defeated by the pain that was in my knees as I walked up and down those steps.  I remember being disgusted sitting on my couch and felt parts of my back touching itself.  I remember feeling pretty horrible about myself in general.

I had used the loseit app before and knew that it had some good potential and knew that I could use it with success if I put my mind to it and just did it.  I also do NOT believe in New Year's resolutions-- at all-- so I wanted to get going on this before the first of the year.  Right before Christmas was a good time to do it, also, to practice a little self control during a high calorie time of the year, which begins well before at Halloween and lasts through the Super Bowl weekend.  At least. I remember those first weeks being pretty hard.  And I cheated a lot.  I fooled myself into thinking that I was following the plan and not posting some of my food, maybe eating a little more than reported, etc (ha! times really don't change in a way) and in general not being real strict with the plan.  But I lost a little, I gained back a little, I did walk as much as I could for exercise, and had uneven success.  But I did have some success- a few pounds off.  I do remember feeling a LOT of success at the Kutz family Christmas get-together at my brother Ed's place, as I was able to really limit the food I had and it made me feel great. I wanted to lose a lot, but was going to be happy with 10 pounds....

Meanwhile, spin ahead to the beginning of January and the installation of wifi in my house- plus the purchase of a laptop!!  Merry Christmas to me!  Woo HOO!  I had completed and received my grad degree in August of 2010 (GIANT YEAH BABY) and had planned this as a gift to myself.  The poor MA never can quite believe the things that I do to our household at times, lol! The internet arrived and I was thrilled to get around to looking at the loseit website sometime in mid January.  This was the proverbial game changer.  I was fiddling around until this event.  I was not really accountable, I was always coming up a little short in my commitment.  The FRIENDS aspect of loseit is the key to my success (well the gym is the other key, but that has been discussed before!)  The concept of online friends helping you, encouraging you, cheering for you was really compelling for me.  Because as you know, I do enjoy chatting with my friends!  :)

I don't remember exactly who my very first friends were on loseit, except that the majority of them were people have since disappeared.  I do know that one of my early friends was Barbara in Cali and she has been a wonderful supporter and indeed a dear friend ever since.  I can name a few others that I accumulated in those early months: Allyce, Marie, Cathy H, Richard, MadDog, Gary, Bea, Theresa, Anne and many others. I hate to leave people out, as there were so many who I relied on for support and advice.  Since then I have become friends with so many people and have indeed met many of them.  My first actual new friend to meet was Marie, who lives in the Twin cities. It was AWESOME to be able to talk to her and have a coffee with her.  We have met a few times now and plan to continue our summer walks again this year.  I plan to continue getting to know them in person when I can!

The Loseit website offered me the right combination of encouragement and information and the ability to interact with others who are going through the same thing as me.  The people were in different stages of their journey, and all had things that were valuable.  The forums offered me a lot of information and a place that you could discuss aspects of eating, exercise and mind set with a variety of people who may or may not be on your friends list and who may or may not be of like mind to you.  All of this combined, along with a total redo of my goals, to kick start the whole program again.  This time it clicked, this time I would really stick to my plan, add in extra activity, know to take measurements to track your actual results, and all the little tricks that help.  Like brush your teeth A LOT to keep from eating at night, to chew gum in between meals to distract yourself from eating (hello dessert flavored gum!), to have a little protein if you are starving, to up your water intake a LOT to help with everything.

If someone told me two years ago that I would be having just broccoli for dinner at night, I would have laughed at them.  If someone had told me two years ago that I would be literally sick from eating 4 pieces of chocolate and about 3 cookies at one time, I would have been incredulous.  I have changed my eating habits a little at a time -  drastically -  over the past few years.  It has been slow, but I have altered the way I eat.  I got to a point that my exercise didn't take off weight very fast after several months, so I had to adjust my plan for less food.  I figured out what I had to take out of my food list or what I had to reduce.  I found substitutions for my favorite tastes and used them instead of the full calorie version (I discovered the joy of hummus, Dijonaise, and Laughing Cow cheese on many things instead of Cheddar and mayo and things like that.)  I remember looking at my foods list several times- my typical day- and deciding what I indeed could do without or limit.  It was never terribly difficult, because it happened so gradually. As time went on I made some major decisions about my food intake that has helped tremendously and has given me and amazing amount of energy and I feel great! In April I quit eating meat.  This was not all that tough for me.  The thing I still sort of miss is tuna- it is quick and easy and I do like it, but it is easy enough to eat something else.  Becoming vegetarian is something I have toyed with for many years - at least 10- and so with the encouragement from a friend, I made that leap.  A few weeks later, I distinctly remember drinking my last Diet Pepsi. This was much more traumatic, as the Pepsi spoke to me frequently after that.  Meat made barely a peep, soda screamed, demanded, whispered enticingly, and WHINED a lot.  I am amazed to say I NEVER have had another sip since that day at school.  I did taste a sip of root beer in Minnesota, just because it was famous northern Minn brand that was hyped as being so good.... meh. It was ok.  Sometime in May, I had an unfortunate interlude with a bag of Doritos, so that is another item I have given up.... cold turkey.  Doritos and I are not on speaking terms any more.  And I am fine without it.

So much has changed in me in 2 years but still I am the same person.  That is a statement that sounds so obvious, but when you are looking at this kind of a change, which by the way I never anticipated, I it is sort of unexpected too.  One would expect to be deliriously happy and satisfied with life and the way you look.  Instead, life is the same series of challenges, and you are still not totally content with the way you look. Where people see thin, skinny, and tiny, you see a tummy that could shrink a little, chubby little knees that you wish would go away and heck, I just enjoy the word tiny.  Lol!  That was NEVER used to describe me before. Kinda gives me goosebumps.  Lol. You also have some things that happen that aren't all that great- like the lines that are more distinct on one's face or the weird little place under the eyes that make funny looking shadows in pictures. You panic over the food that you ate mindlessly and fight the need to soothe your troubles by indulging in a late night encounter with peanut butter. These all sound pretty silly when you write it out, but try telling that to the Debi that is worried every minute that the weight will come back. That I have to be vigilant, and know that I can't let my guard down, ever.  So don't expect me to binge on those cookies any more this season, as that just can't happen.  This is a struggle every single day.

The nice thing is that I weighed myself this morning and there is that awesome number still!  144.2.  It has been there for almost 2 weeks now and barely fluctuates, so maintenance is going pretty well!!  I am writing this with sore hands from picking up an 80 pound barbell and doing Romanian deadlifts yesterday.  I have a knee that is a little whiny this morning from running for 10 minutes on the treadmill, but will be fine later today, about the time that the rest of my leg muscles begin to complain from the weight training I did last night.  And it all feels right and good and I like having that soreness.  It makes me KNOW that I did a good job in the gym and that is the other key to my success. I will be using my workouts to be able to eat what I want and in a few weeks, I will resume (in limited fashion) my coffee habit, add a tiny bit of chocolate back into my day and perhaps on New Year's Eve resume my affair with Margaritas! ;)

I have a few friends who have given me such incredible support that I can't even begin to thank them enough.  I have my local buddies who are always there for me, including Connie who is a fellow kick-ass Honey Badger Babe and my cheerleading section at school who make my life so rich.  I have my family who tell other people how nice I look, and to hear that even second hand makes me feel really good.  And then I have my loseit friends who I talk to daily, through the internet, through the telephone,  and by me knowing that they are available for a whine session if I need them.  You already know that I am sentimental and corny and so I can say that they take my breath away every day. I smile when I get a text (- and I have a few new texting pals who make my morning sunny.)  They make me teary, they make me proud with all that they do and they are some really awesome friends.  NO ONE gets this journey like they do, they are my traveling companions and my confidantes. I seriously do not know what I would do with out them.

So, yes, I am going to continue to "not eat", to "go to the gym all the time", to walk "constantly" because I don't know any other way.  This is my new normal, this is the way it will be.  And I am so grateful for all the people who have been instrumental in this two year journey, my life is truly blessed.

And I will find my joy today, I hope you find yours.  THANK you for your friendship, all of you. xoxoxo

Staring me in the face

A couple of guidelines to this post-

1. Understand that I know I can be completely irrational.
2. Know that not only do I know that I am irrational, I know that I have to go through this process to get to the other side.
3.  Sometimes, I also know I can be utterly hard headed, ornery, and will NOT face reality!!

So somewhere along the line here, kids, I have apparently hurt my knee.  I know there are many of you who are saying, well, what does she expect with all of the exercise she does, and no rest, and .......  Yeah- see guideline #1.  I have to do all that exercise to KEEP MY WEIGHT OFF, people!!  I do not appreciate being shown by my body that it is not 25 anymore and indeed at an age where you have to mark that box that just seems impossible.  It upsets me to no end, and I am generally not a person who is bothered by age.  It is what it is!  But limitations that are not self imposed are just a tad on the irritating side!  (See both guideline #1 and 2).  I have this horrible feeling that if I let myself be inactive, I will automatically gain like 10 - 20 pounds, virtually over night.  (hmmm- read #3)

I actually skipped my beloved ballet class yesterday because my knee was swelled up.  I did not walk last night, and today, I have planned to intentionally do no exercise.  Unless I go and do some shoulder work after I get done with my lovely Smartboard training......  Oh, I can see I might have to make up some more guidelines to this post!

4.  All readers should understand that I know I will learn a lot during summer inservices, but they should also know that the resentment factor totally negates any joy that has been found interacting with my peers.  
5.  You and I both know that it could be nearly impossible for me to NOT exercise at all on any given day, but know that the Mad-Art Teacher is going to give it that old college try!

I really do NOT want to go to that inservice today, summer is made for doing many things, and sitting inside on a lovely day when there is a garden to weed and a giant hand to work on is not part of my preferred to do list!  (see #4)  But I will go, suck it up and do the best I can, because that is who I am!

So what else is staring me in the face?  I am a horrible procrastinator. I have to finish my complaint post here and complete my orders for next year for the High School.  I could have probably finished them yesterday, but I tend to goof around when stressed out!  (See #1, #2, #3, then reread #1 and #3 again). You know I love to goof around, at the computer, on the phone, outside, where ever I may be, but it does lead to me finding myself pushing to complete a task before a deadline. Plus the whole elevating ones knee and putting ice on it tends to make me antsy and anxious.  Hence avoidance, and your need to review that guideline #3!!

In my stressed out state yesterday I realized that I was reverting to some old food habits!  VERY distressing.  MINDLESS eating, eating WAY more than I usually do, not thinking about what I was doing....... basically the evil little gremlin that lives in my head that tells me how much better I will feel after that piece of bread, that cheese, that icecream bar, that cupcake half, etc.  I sound like the "Very Hungry Caterpillar"!  When indeed I wasn't hungry at all, and then my tummy did hurt. And my mind and my soul.  (yep, back to guidelines 1 - 3, several times)  I plan to undereat today.  Big time.  To negate the whole lack of exercise thing and some terrible hungry caterpillar eating.

So, let's see, we have a hurt knee, procrastination, going to an inservice in the summer, which should be illegal for all teachers (oops- read #4) BAD food choices, and then there is the dreaded scale!  Ugh, I won't go there....

I have really REALLY fabulous friends!  Hey, that might need it's own guideline!

6.  The Mad Art Teacher has fabulous friends who are the most caring people in the world and frankly she wonders some days why they bother with her ridiculousness and how they are being forced to read another goofy post and review her insane guidelines 10,000 times!  Because they are full of awesome-sauce!!

My friends have told me that I should take occasional rest days.  Do I listen, well yes, but it is in the execution of this good idea that I occasionally fail!  (see that guideline #1 again)You see,  I never really truly think of myself as a "normal" person.  I do not feel that I ever:
*do quite enough to really succeed at what I do, much less cause myself any problems, physically
*actually have any sort of "right" to be injured or tired or anything, because I do believe that I do not do enough (#1 and #3)
* if I really don't do enough, I surely do not need a rest day
*my voices in my head do tell me that I will fail!  (do read #2 and then hang up on the calling of the nice men in the white coats)

It is true, though, I never feel like I have done enough.  I have never eaten well enough, never have done my weight lifting well enough, haven't done nearly as much cardio as I could have- that is a hard thing to have staring you in the face!  What is enough?  I have no idea, but if I do it you all will be the first to know!  (You know you have to reread #1)

BACK to my friends. (read that #6 a few times)  I can not thank the couple of people I talked to yesterday about this kind of stuff enough.  There is an online buddy or two, and a dear friend here and there who talked me off of my proverbial ledge yesterday.  I do wish that I didn't have to melt down whenever I face a crisis that is totally of my own making (see those first few guidelines) but it is what I do every so often and without their help, I'd be in big trouble.  It was interesting yesterday when I heard these 2 or 3 people and even the MA, when I finally told him about my knee, the exact same thing- well you have to stay off of it for a few days.......  yeah, thanks, I know this people. But it was helpful to hear it, in virtually the same words 3 or 4 times. (see #5, which is getting more difficult to face every moment).  Regardless, I intellectually know it won't last forever, I know I will heal, I know all these things, yet I am afraid.  I.  am.  terrified.

I am going to attempt to leave my friends alone today, after all I am going to be "busy", but they ALL know that really I need them to pat me on the head occasionally and send me a virtual smile.  Because I think I am going to need it, as I face down all the things that are staring at me right now.  A major one I haven't discussed is a goal I have set for myself, that might not get accomplished.  That really hurts.  I guess disappointment in myself is the hardest thing I will have to stare at today.

Maybe I should print off my own list of guidelines to review today, huh?

Somedays it is a little hard to find your joy, but if you look at it long enough it will be revealed!

Until then be a joy-giver!  And thanks for being one of my fabulous friends.  And reread guideline #6!

Friday night walk

I had a really fun day Friday, I'll post a little more about that in a while.  It was joyful!  So, Friday night, after a truly hard session at the gym, I decided to go for a walk.  The weather was looking iffy for Saturday, and I like to keep up on my cardio.  I was also thinking maybe some walking would work out the leg muscles that were already protesting an awful lot of squats and leg presses.  So, off I went on a 4 mile walk- towards the east!

 Creeping phlox

There is such a pretty scene right around the corner from us- gorgeous little mounds of flowers that are show stoppers this year.  So with that in mind I took off.  I photoed the flowers and continued on, and decided my legs were feeling GREAT!  So I started to run..... and I ran about a half mile down the road, walked and then decided to run the hills.  WHY???  I did run the hills, and it was fine, but you couldn't have told me that during the night when I was up multiple times taking Vitamin "I", drinking water, shaking off a hamstring cramp, and other various interruptions.....  I am pretty sure I was delirious most of the time, and I am zombie like today.  I do make things difficult for myself..... and possibly for other people.

So, anyway, enjoy the pretty!  And the cows, who were so darn cute!

Until later- enjoy the view!